CONFRONTING AND HEALING FROM ABANDONEMENT TRAUMA.

Hi friend, here comes another thoughtful daily post. The journey of living a wholesome and meaningful life often involves uncovering some ugly trauma and finding a way to feel and move through it instead of running farther away from it. Today, I would like to talk about the fear of abandonment.

Abandonment trauma is one of the most hurtful traumas to deal with. It calls for thorough honesty and cruel acceptance of our lack of control over anything. We would rather make excuses for the situation instead of just accepting that this person chose not to stay. It hurts to accept that they didn’t really care, or that they wanted something different life that has no room for you.

Confronting this trauma is not the easiest thing to do. A lot us go through life without ever making peace with that aspect of our lives. They make us feel unsafe, unworthy and alone. Abandonment trauma leads to self sabotage because you project the fear on your relationships so you find an excuse to ruin things before it gets to the part where they leave you. So many of us have attachment and commitment issues due to the fear of abandonment. We have all felt it, one way or another. Especially from the power house of all our traumas AKA: family.

This trauma mostly picked up from our childhood, follow us into adult, influencing and shaping our relationships and connections.
Letting go comes from understanding that it is not all about us. Nothing is personal, everyone is just doing life how they know best. Yeah, sometimes we get hurt and hurt other but, it is hardly about the person getting hurt.
It is like existing with a cloud hanging over your head, constantly reminding that you aren't enough. It is completely normal to harbor hateful feelings towards this person.

I could never address a problem without seeing how I too am a perpetuator of similar vice. Not every action we take will be kind to everyone. Yeah, it could be you hurting now but you’ve made or will make others hurt too. And, when you think about why you did what you did, you’ll learn that it wasn’t about them. You did what you wanted to do, what you felt you had to do.

Our reactions to abandonment are valid. You feel what you feel and that’s okay. But, there is also another story from a different perspective, one which doesn’t center you; making their actions all about them and their choices. There, you have no power, no control. So what now? You accept it for what it is; an experience, a stop in your journey, a chapter. Which sure has its effects but doesn’t really define anything. We are all key players in our game, and we do have the power to choose freedom, to show ourselves kindness in the ways we remember these moments.

When it involves someone who owed us an important duty of love and care, the primary kind, I imagine how much tougher it would be to deal with that. Processing the fact that you didn’t do anything, you were new to the whole life thing, and should at least be able to always rely on your parents to help you through it. The different circumstances in which a person would grow up without a parent are all horrible to think about.

Maybe they lost a battle to death, or they just couldn’t stay to have a life with you. I completely agree that there are some pain you can’t never completely heal from. I also believe that there is no such thing as healing completely, we are all still a little broken from the demons that broke us. We all have our scars, some concealed by time or trauma, but they don’t stop us from living. It is in our nature to move on, to get bored, to want more, to evolve.

However, we often find ourselves hiding behind our trauma, too scared to move past the shadow. We find fake safety and refuse to let go. Fake because a trigger will always come around and crumble our weak walls.

Life always awaits, and it is deeper than our pain. Pain is important because it helps us connect to life, as does joy, anger, and everything we feel. Our feelings are the gateway, hence why we must pass through it to get clarity, to be awakened to a new perspective. One where we are not victims and prisoners of our past.

Healing is over rated. It is not some magical destination of lilies an sunshine; it is simply the power to show up for yourself despite everything and everyone. Healing is remembering that you’re the center of everything, and it flows because you say so. Healing is surrendering to life, understanding that it is meant to happen to us and we happen to to it too. There is no manual which means everything is okay. However way you chose to get better is okay; it gets easier eventually.

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