ONLY FOR ME

Hello everyone, this is my participation in the #spillthebeans

I sit down with my cup of coffee. Today is going to be a special day. You can't imagine how many times I've dreamed of our reunion. I've loved you in silence for as long as my memory can reach, without you even remembering that you once addressed me... I don't even think you remember my name.

The years have passed and we've both grown up. You, in your home filled with love, with parents who have supported you and stood by your side as you matured. Me, with my father now deceased due to his bad life and vice with alcohol, which caused so many beatings in my weak body; and a mother I never knew. She died giving birth to me. Dad took it upon himself to blame me my entire existence for being born and having it taken away from him.

Source of this picture

I was completely alone and miserable, we were still children when we met at school. You were and are the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever witnessed. You were giving away kittens that your cat had had, and I kept one of them. It was the first and only time you noticed me. To this day, I am still an invisible person, to you and to everyone.
I've been waiting for you for so long, I've wanted to talk to you for so long... And I don't know how to get close to you. I left you a note in the locker years ago inviting you to meet me, and you turned me down. You made fun of me with your friends, I heard you whispering and pointing at me in the halls of high school, saying how this "weirdo" and "outcast" had dared to write to you, hoping to get a date. You broke my heart when I found out you got your first kiss. I was so angry that I beat that devilish cat until it stopped looking at me. Until I stopped seeing the reflection of my rage in his huge pupils. I saw his soul slipping out through his increasingly dull gaze.

He was the first victim of my helplessness, of my heartbreaking madness, of the darkness that had been growing inside me all my life. It was the first time I felt powerful, and I rejoiced in my satisfaction. Maybe that animal was the only living thing that had ever loved me. But I was not worthy of such love, because the only person I wanted to have, was not even aware of my existence.

I know your every move, I know your routine, and your closest circle of friends. Friends I never had. I don't think I found pleasure in banal conversations either. I preferred to talk to myself, or read books and comics locked up in my room. From time to time I practiced my new and emerging power; hunting and slaughtering abandoned animals. Bathing in their blood gave me a huge erection. Every hammer blow on their bodies, every sound of pain they emitted, was a release for my tormented soul.

Finally today I feel ready for my most magnificent work. You decided to go out late at night to have a good time with your friends, and that new guy you hooked up with. I never thought you would be such a slut. You were an innocent and pure girl, and you soiled your image in my eyes, so gradually that I barely noticed.
I follow you from the bar area through the dark alleys you walk. You are so drunk that you don't notice my stealthy, cold presence. I know perfectly well that you are heading home. I go ahead to wait for you in a secluded area away from the light and possible passers-by.

Source of this picture
I await your arrival with eagerness and longing. When you turn the corner you find me in front of you. Your look is one of surprise and exhaustion. I stab you in the stomach as I silence your lips. Your short white dress is dyed red. You struggle for your life, trying to get away from me. You try to bite my hand and hit me with your kicks and your purse. It's all in vain, you know I'm stronger, and the more you resist, the stronger you make me. I choke you with both hands. Your loss of blood and your lack of oxygen, makes you fall unconscious. Moment that I take advantage of to stab you fifteen more times, in your stomach and heart.

The moment in which your soul leaves your body is glorious, in your blue eyes can be appreciated much better than in those animals, which I had freed from being in this cruel life. Now you are lying in front of me, motionless and grimacing in horror.
You and I, together at last, fused by the blood emanating from your body and each of the wounds I have inflicted on you. I lick the blood from your bare chest. I excite myself by spreading with my hands the hot, red liquid from your stomach that slides down your thighs. I masturbate to the most noticeable orgasm I've ever had in my entire life.
You are my first work, the first piece of my puzzle, my muse and at the same time my condemnation to hell. Your beautiful memory will inspire me for my next night hunts. I kiss your lips and think that I have never loved you as much as I do at this moment. Now you are only for me.

Both pictures are from Pixabay.
Text is by my own