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Staring into the dark abyss. Not sure what to do. That perfect image in my head is shattered. Just want to cry. But it's refusing to come out. I shrug it off, feeling tough. I am so angry. I try to write it down, tears come rolling down. Can't move, just stunned. Not sure what to write. The realization that the perfect image I once had is no more. Life happens.

I put on my headphones and blast music into my ears. I pick up my device and begin to write. Maybe a little writing will help me feel better. What is strange is that I want to be seen with tears in my eyes. Want to be vulnerable for once. Want to be consoled. What is wrong with me? At times it's just so frustrating staring at a brick wall and you just want to scream and shout. But you just can't.

Why can't they see things through my eyes? Why does it always have to be their way? At times I wish something would happen to me, just to know how they'll feel. Because right now it just feels like the only thing they care about is themselves and how I make them look. Just want to run away.

I'm not a bad person, I don't do anything bad or illegal. Or anything that'll harm anybody in any way. Yet they're always complaining about the little mistakes I make. Confusing discipline with total dominance. If I do anything that is not exactly what you'd do in that situation I'd get scolded, or make you angry. Why do I even care? Why does your anger affect me?

How am I supposed to be exactly like you? I'm myself and you're yourself, sure there's similarities but I can't always know what you know. I can't like everything you like, I can't be you. I'm me. Let me be me!!!

I rarely know a thing about you, which is why I won't let you know a thing about me. I don't even know my novercas. I don't even know how many there are.

There's two sides to every story. In my story you sound like the villain, I'm pretty sure in your story it's the other way round. I'm the one who refuses to do everything you say without thinking twice. Sometimes I wish I didn't know this much, because I can't just follow you blindly. Maybe if I didn't know anything I could do everything you say without thinking twice.

I can't fault you for your way of thinking. It's the society you were raised in. One where children are to keep quiet and follow blindly. No thinking, no questions asked. And I'm born into a generation where everything is evaluated. I can't do things wrongly for you just because you're older than me. I compromise a lot of the time but it seems it's never enough because each time I don't compromise those are the times you choose to hold on to and label me disobedient.

At times I feel like I'm not disobedient, but hearing the opposite from you over and over just makes me feel like I am.

I still love you, but I prefer to love you from a distance. Till then I'll continue to smile.