Having been exploring the dating world recently in trying to find someone, or should I say find love, I realized so many things. Personally, I am the type of person who enjoys getting to know people, I like the initial trills and excitement that comes with wanting to know about someone, their personality and what makes them who they are. But recently, it has become tiring most especially in the dating world as you try getting to know the other person, because in my opinion it has become almost an unending or better still, a repetitive thing.
I realize that most often times, we ask irrelevant questions leaving the more important questions till it is almost too late or you both are far into it. We waste time asking questions and having conversations like this; "What is your best colour? What is your best food? How many times do you have sex in a week? and all of that, forgetting that there is more to a person than picking on the surface...well, that is if you are seriously looking to find something serious, a real connection and commitment. It helps saves time and energy when you have deep conversations, making an intentional effort in trying to know the person, what they stand for, their values and principles...what makes them tick. I bet there was a time we didn't have to worry about having deep conversations, but if you are in that stage of wanting commitment then you'd understand what I mean.
We are in a world today where almost everything has become sexual. You meet a guy today, and the next thing he asks you is, when last did you have sex? or just begins a sexual conversation...and in my head I am just like, "bro you don't even know me, like wtf man". So actually getting to meet people who are intentional, ready for a genuine connection and commitment has become a thing of luck. Personally, I love "love" and I want to find that genuine connection lol, now I sound like those guys in love Island, but honestly I do want that. However, until we become intentional about what we want and how we go about it, like asking the right questions when we ought to, we will keep running around in circles as we keep making the same mistakes.
Now I am not saying asking a potential partner about their favorite food is a bad thing or a wrong question, they are just not important in actually getting to know who they are. So instead of spending a week catching feelings discussing around their favorite colours, food, sex positions et al, you should ask the right questions, that way you are not wasting each others time and you avoid things that can be avoided before going deeper into it.
Let's see some of these questions.....
What do you value in a relationship?
What quality is most attractive to you in a partner?
What are your long term goals?
What kind of relationship do you have with your family?
What is your love language?
What would you regard as cheating?
Talk on the importance of sex
Questions on religious and political views
How do you deal with conflict/disagreement?
These amongst others are intentional questions you ask someone you are interested in, that would give you insights to who they are on a more deeper level. I am a "deep conversation" person, so I enjoy conversations like this, our opinions may vary and that is fine. While some like to put a time tag till questions like this are asked, some others drive right at it. People can be different in timing but I honestly think the earlier the better, that way you know where the other person stands and not waste your time.
You deserve someone who really wants to know you and journey through life with you, someone who loves you for you.