My new job is weird.

At the time of writing, I've done 9812 steps. I refuse to arbitrarily walk laps around the house just to bump it over 10K. I'm sure it will happen naturally as I round out my evening. For now, my movement at the new job, my pottering around the house and my walk in the (very wet) bush with my love is enough.

It was my second day today at the new job. I say "day" but really, with 2 hour shifts it's less of a "day" and more like my second "session" at work.

It's interesting, and challenging.

It's the first time in over a decade (maybe 12 years since) I've worked with young people. It's the first time in more than a year I've worked for anyone at all and easily 8 years since I did any kind of "proper" job that requires me to actually live my house to work.

It's a bit strange, being face to face with 4 year olds, trying to listen for any genuine problems that need addressing over the loud noise that is a room full of little people doing self directed activities, having a "boss", having co-workers who know far more about child care than me and far less about how to be deeply present with another human being.

It's weird. All of it.

But I felt slightly more comfortable today than yesterday and my hope is that each day I'll feel more and more competent and confident in my ability to do the seemingly endless amount of stuff that this role (unexpectedly) requires of me.

It's not just playing with kids like I hoped it would be.

It's doing endless amounts of checking, double checking, doing paperwork, supervising, fielding upsets, breaking up arguments, doing toilet runs, marking off roles, cleaning - and they're just the things I'm aware of. I think there's so much more happening in the background that I can't even see yet because I'm busy trying to listen to the small human in front of me say something that's very important to them.

There's two things I'm asking myself to focus on for this work. Scratch that, three things:

1. Show up as present and calm as possible to each shift and trust that if you're being present you'll be able to have the best outcomes with the kids, the other staff, the parents and also be able to learn the most and solve problems the easiest.

2. Lower my expectations. I realise that I had really high ~~expectations ~~ hopes for what we could achieve with these kids; have meaningful conversations, teaching them incredibly important life skills, create life changing programs. Instead, I now realise with the sheer amount of paperwork that we have to do and the number of staff that a childcare organisation can justify having (without being so expensive than only the super wealthy can afford it) that there's no way we can possibly do all the things I had hoped and wished and expected we'd be able to do. So I'm lowering my expectations. Now if I can keep the kids safe and be as kind and present (and firm when needed) as possible that has to be enough.

3. Leave work at work. I think historically I have not been very good at this but if I'm going to be able to continue to run my business part time (which was always the plan) and continue to work on the other things that are important to me - maintaining healthy relationships, learning more about food/gut/health, playing on Hive, travelling and exercise - then I'm going to have to get better at this. I'm casual. I'm going to get shifted between different locations as needed. This is not my first priority (though doing it to the best of my ability is still very important to me). I have zero plan to move up the ranks or aim to work their full time or even part time. I have to get good at going to work, being there when I'm at work, and then letting it all go as I walk out the door.

Wish me luck!

All photos by @new.things (Brad, my love). Taken in the bush near our home in Brisbane, Australia.