The people who have helped to make me the woman I am today | LOH #78 | Day 15 of HiveBloPoMo

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We have all had a person who has helped us grow. Sometimes that teacher taught us with love, other times learning was a challenge...

Today I want to tell you about a person who has helped me to grow into a better version of myself. But first, let's rewind, as this person was definitely not the first.

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40 years ago I entered the world to find parents who were excited to have me. My stay-at-home mother doted on me as she learned how to be a parent. I soon discovered she expected a lot from me and I did my best to grow into the person she hoped I would be. I failed, often, to meet her expectations and how I learned to manage this gap has become one of my biggest lessons in life.

My father taught me to question everything. He also taught me a great many other things and not all were this positive. One of the biggest lessons I inherited was that you have to work hard to succeed. This has taken me decades to recognise and begin to unlearn because working so very hard simply ran my precious body into the ground.

Like my mum, I know my loving dad was trying the very best he could to raise happy, healthy, successful kids. It is my belief that I'm a decent human both because of the ways they lovingly supported me as well as the ways they, consciously and subconsciously, challenged me.

The 3 next big influences in my life, as far as I could see, were my maternal grandmother, my younger sister and my younger brother. Oma, my Dutch grandmother, was firm but fair. Her tough love was mixed in with enthusiasm and flair. She expected good manners but would laugh with the best of them. She taught me to behave while also showing me what it looked like to be truly alive.

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My sister and I fought a lot as children. With my learned eyes looking back I cannot help but think it was simply two kids struggling to get the limited attention and cherished love of our one mother. I really think it's only now, with everything I know about myself, about childhood psychology and of my sister's long-standing patterns of behaviour, that she was really here to teach me about boundaries. I'm still learning important lessons about standing up for myself and recognising my own wisdom and value regardless of what others think.

My memories of my brother from our younger days are mostly of the two of us escaping up big trees. While my sister preferred to cook, my brother and I would be out exploring and getting dirty. I think the biggest lessons I've learned from my brother and how he's helped me the most has actually been in the last decade. I made a decision at some point to stop seeing him as my little brother. Little is a silly word to use since he's been (significantly) taller than me my whole adult life. Once I started seeing him as a wise adult of his own right, I started to let his (immense) wisdom, knowledge and intellect guide me around the way I think and how I analyse the world.

Beyond my closest family members, the people who have had the biggest influence on my evolution and growth have been my school teachers. I guess that is the role of teachers generally, but I think that teachers have a special place in my heart since I too am a teacher of sorts.

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Of all the teachers I've ever had (who were teachers by design not due to happenstance) the ones that impacted me the most were the ones who, like my Oma, were firm but fair. I liked the ones who demonstrated strong boundaries without the violence of words or actions that so often came from adults back in that time period. I like the ones who operated with integrity; they said what they meant and they did what they promised. They made me feel safe while also challenging me to grow.

I had teachers like this in primary and high school, but there were two lecturers at university who also behaved this way, and one at TAFE (the technical college I went to several years after uni). I still think of all of them fondly. In fact, I think if ever I wanted another teacher to judge my own teaching of my own students, I would want it to be them.

Before I arrive at the person who I think has made the greatest contribution to my personal growth in the last few years, I want to make a small but interesting detour into the stories of difficulty I've faced. While I mentioned that aspects of my childhood and family life were indeed challenging, in my schooling and young adult life there were some characters whom I do not remember kindly, but to overlook them would be to ignore the massive role they played in my personal evolution.

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From the kids who teased me, to the men who assaulted me, to the adults in workspaces who didn't value me and would ignore, dismiss or reject me - every single one of them played an important role in forcing me to look in the mirror. Each of the individual stories I've rolled into this one paragraph were extremely painful, but through pain we grow, and the more willing I have been to look at those experiences the faster I've evolved. It is brave work but every (effective) healing session I've done has been worth the time, energy and money.

I would not be the kind, loving, wise woman I am today without having reflected on and healed many of these difficult experiences. And while saying "thank you" to any of these people who caused me pain would be thoroughly misunderstood by them, I am sure, I silently thank them anyway because I am today who I am because of the (painful) impact they had on my life many years ago.

And, to the rising star in my story: my beloved partner.

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At times he's a total ratbag.

He pushes my buttons, subconsciously finding my triggers that lead me to want to scream at him or run away crying. Yet in almost every single case where I am internally ready to erupt he is doing or trying to do something to help me grow. He's pushing and challenging me because he sees that I can do better. He believes I am capable of far more than I'm doing in that moment. He wants better for me and for us. He's showing me the things that are in the way of me becoming all I can be.

At other times he's a total sweetheart.

I feel loved, nurtured, seen. I feel like he has my back more than any other partner I have ever, ever had. He believes in the wisdom and value I bring to others. And while he has very little personal interest in the skills and knowledge I teach others (he's great at finding his own answers and solving his own problems, thank you very much!) he somehow manages to see that I'm doing great work with others.

And he's so encouraging of me doing more and more of it. He doesn't think it's weird that I use birth charts to guide my client to make big decisions in their lives. He thinks it's cool if my clients are having breakthroughs when I listen to their problems while they tap on their face and body (using EFT). He's open to the fact that, while my business is so very different from anything he's seen before, that it's still a legitimate and worthwhile business to be running.

He loves me even when he finds me frustrating as hell. And that, has been the biggest gift of all; to be loved for the whole of me. For it's through that love that pervades our entire relationship that I can manage to work through the challenges be brings me.

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And for any of us to grow, we need both: we need to feel safe (or cared for) while also being challenged.

Here's to the continuing growth and evolution of us all.


This was my entry into this week's contest in the Ladies of Hive Community. If you'd like to participate there are still about 40 hours left before the contest ends. You'll find all the details here. And I'm wondering, @blackdaisyft do you want to answer this question? (There is one question about who contributed most to your growth as a human being and the other is a lovely one about pets!)

Finally, to all readers, thanks for reading 🙏



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18 comments
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You received 2 LADY(LOH) tokens for entering the Ladies of Hive contest!

We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hold LOH tokens over a long period of time

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Whoever decided to create a LOH token and offer it up for posts in this community, can I just say: Thank you. I appreciate this and I've never said that before, but I'm grateful 🙏 Next to work out how to stake them! (If that's what I'm supposed to do?)

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Nice post. It is funny how it is often the people that bug us (like a sister, or a spouse) who really help molds us and end up being the ones we most cherish. Have a great weekend.
!LOLZ

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Your brother is very important to you, like your sister. Oh and your grandma. I think you have many advices from them!

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who is this total ratbag?
!LOL
!LUV
!PIZZA
!BEER

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