ANNOYING FAMILY FEAST
Every year,we host a Thanksgiving feast for family and friends. When Mom became unable to prepare such a huge lunch, I took over, and I continue Mom's custom of inviting folks who might otherwise be alone on the holiday. All I ask is that my visitors inform me of any food sensitivities they may have, as a trip to the ER on Thanksgiving is not enjoyable. Allergies will be accommodated, but not food preferences. You'll be hungry if you don't enjoy turkey and stuffing.
A friend of a friend requested if he may join us for Thanksgiving dinner one year. Do you have any food allergies, for example? Nope. Dinner is at 4:00 p.m., which is fantastic.
Because he "didn't want to miss any football," he showed up at my door at noon. I was in the middle of preparing dinner, so I directed him to the den, where the children were watching television. Without saying anything, he abruptly changed the channel and shoved cousin out of the recliner. I informed the kids that they could watch TV in the living room because it was a bigger screen and there was more space.
The Friend of a friend(FOAF) returned into the kitchen a minute later to gripe about being forced to watch the game on the small TV while "those little punks" got to watch cartoons on the large TV. When I'm cooking for 20 people, I don't need this nonsense, especially from someone I don't know very well. It was either football in the den or go home, I informed him. He mumbled some more before returning to the den.
My guests began to arrive after several interruptions and complaints from the FOAF, including a genuine friend who knew the moron. I was annoyed as hell at this time, but I put on a good front.
I invited everyone to dinner at 4:00 p.m. I had a large dining room table that could seat all of the adults, as well as a separate living room table for the kids. Because he's my cousin and this is our home, he was allowed to eat with the grownups.
FOAF jumped on my cousin right away, telling him he was at the incorrect table and that he needed to sit with the other babies. Everyone knows not to be disrespectful to my cousin if they want all of their limbs to stay intact, so my friend elbowed his buddy and told him to stop up. FOAF sat down and began grabbing food like a ravenous dog scavenging for uncooked meat. My friend stopped him once more and informed him that we should first say grace and then pass the food around the table. FOAF grumbled again, but I ignored him since I was determined not to let him ruin my vacation.
When the meal arrived, FOAF piled it on his plate with little concern for others and began chowing down like a hyena, crunching, sucking, and chatting with his mouth full. I'd almost reached my breaking point when he spewed a massive mouthful of food onto the turkey platter and exclaimed, "There's sausage in the stuffing!" Are you attempting to assassinate me? I can't eat pork because I'm allergic to it!"
"I asked you if you had any allergies," I stated gently after finishing the FOAF. You declined. You arrived 4 hours early at my house, inconvenienced me and my family, continually grumbled and insulted everyone you spoke to, spat food on the turkey, and now accuse me of attempting to murder you. Well, if I wasn't already attempting to kill you, I certainly intend to do so now. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T EVER COME BACK!"
My guy started apologizing for his friend's behavior while the FOAF ran in terror. I encouraged him not to worry about it, but he should reconsider his friendship standards.
What an unpleasant guest, @coolkris !!!! I hope that when that annoying guest left, everything went well.
Thanks for sharing this unusual story on @theinkwell, @coolkris!
We're glad to find your comments on fellow writers' posts.
I guess I don't get along with people because I would have told him to leave really, really early. Maybe I'm old. Maybe I'm rude. But, not in my house. This is certainly a dreadful guest, but especially before the other guests came, it would have been fine to tell him to get his act in order or to get out.
You see? Maybe I don't get along with people but I would be at peace. And so would my other guests.
I respect you for writing a story about Thanksgiving where not everything goes according to plan. Brave of you :)
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Check out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Even though I suspect this is a real life story, vs. fiction, I enjoyed this a lot. If it's fiction, then wow. If it's real life then WOW! People can be so presumptuous and high maintenance. What a terrible guest. I love the acronym you assigned him. It's rhymes with oaf!
Do be sure to publish only fiction in The Ink Well. :-)