Psychology: Getting Personal — Disclosure and What We REALLY Know About Each Other
How well do we ever know someone? How well do we ever know ourselves, even?
Socrates allegedly said "The unexamined life is not worth living."
That being the case, how well does anyone get to know that life ours, even if we have examined it? Do we actually trust anyone with our private thoughts and secrets — and not just the "pretty" ones, but also the "dirt" and the "grit" we inevitably pick up along the way through this thing called "life?"
Because nobody gets through unscathed.
There are so many ways we humans handle our wounds. Some keep them locked away in a tight internal vault, from which they shall never emerge, eternally unseen by anyone else. Even though... as has happened to me with a number of people I've met... "there was something there" that I could just never quite discern. But I knew it was there, and even if I was quite close to the person in question, it was never confirmed; never shared.
Others wear their wounds like badges of pride; occasionally even broadcasting to the world how badly they have been wounded. For them, suffering has almost become a lifestyle. Often, they attract fellow "sufferers," or those who are addicted to "fixing" broken things.
One of my all-time favorite artforms is the Japanese "Kintsugi," which is as much a life philosophy as it is art.
Like many aspects of Japanese culture — which has a lot in common with my native Scandinavian culture — there's no direct translation; the literal interpretation "golden joinery" doesn't really capture the underlying philosophy of embracing, honoring and treasuring that which has been broken or flawed by making the breakage an obvious part of the art itself by drawing attention to repaired cracks in pottery by accenting them with gold lacquer.
It's a contrast to what we generally do in most western cultures where the broken is seen negatively, as something to be either avoided or discarded. Consider how we often refer to someone who's struggling with life as "damaged goods" we should minimize contact with, and certainly never date.
It would be sad to do so — some of the most amazing people I have known have also been deeply damaged and broken, along their paths.
Porcelain bowl repaired in the kintsugi technique — Source
So what do we disclose? And what does anyone disclose?
Do we hide our damage and "cracks," for fear of being regarded as damaged and somehow less worthy? Or do we share them openly... not as a means to play the infamous "victim card," nor to show our wounds like trophies, but simply to share our authentic histories... perhaps in the hope that some will see those cracks as worthy of being filled with gold because they are part of the journey that made us who we are, as we stand here today?
It takes courage to let our golden cracks show; it takes courage to simply acknowledge that aour cracks are golden, rather than horrible defects. And it takes courage to actually honor them, rather than flippantly dismiss them as "whatever" or turn them into a sarcastic joke.
At times, I have heard the term "oversharing" tossed around, but I only accept that in the context of the aforementioned Pain Trophy Sharers."
The point that is often brushed aside is the reality that laying open our golden cracks for someone trusted to see is actually an invitation to intimacy of a kind that is often lacking in our world... and when someone shies away, I can't help but wonder what aspects of themselves they are uncomfortable with and trying to hide.
Maybe none, but who knows?
Thanks for reading, and have a great week!
How about YOU? How well do you think you actually KNOW those close to you? How close do you let others come to YOU? Where would you say you fall on the range between "private" and "public" with your full authentic self? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20210315 00:07 PST
0211/1454
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I am mostly open with what I disclose in a very short period of time. I found it hard to "hide" things. There is a few hurts that only a handful of people know about. I only told it to my hubby after a few years of marriage.
But we all wear some masks, we all have a few things we don't put on display.
I try my best to not knowingly hide things, but I'm also not going to "volunteer information" I don't believe to be relevant to a given situation... that feels like "oversharing."
I guess I also have "circles" in terms of what I disclose... there are things I just don't see as relevant, except to those who are closest to me... although if asked by someone else, I'd probably have little hesitation in sharing with them.