Why so Few Posts Lately? I am Alive.
I am well, but it is coming up on the 1-year anniversary of my daughter's untimely death. I am beginning stage two of healing my traumatized mind. (Stage one was just surviving the past year.)
I have been studying a bit and I know the next step for me is to get out of "defense mode" in which the mind just seeks distraction or sleep in order to protect itself from pain. This next year I have to let the shields down and work to process the pain and reclaim my focus. I hope to share my journey as I find strategies that work to get me back to a place where I can write thousands of coherent words or start new projects AND finish them.
For a year my brain has been running in circles to keep ahead of the pain. Now I have to let the pain pass through--stop running, take a stand, and punch it in the face. It may punch back, but I am no longer so afraid of the pain. I'm sick of running from it. I'm angry at it. And I refuse to let it interfere with my focus forever.
Today's journey begins with a solo road trip to visit various members of my family and just enjoy their company. Andrea won't be with me, but I will be with people who loved her and people she loved. If my pain insists on accompanying me, it will have to ride in the trunk.
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I’m simply in tears at your loss. What a horrible of an event for you to go through in your life. I’m sorry for your loss.
I know the pain of losing a loved one. I lost my mother when I was only 11 years old. The pain never really went away but it becomes tolerable. I’ve always imagined it like waves at the beach. At first the grief is just so intense that the waves knock and crash around you. Then slowly as you get used to it, you can brace yourself. Then as time goes on, the weather changes. The wind slows down. And before you know it, the waves are just splashing at your ankles. A gentle reminder of what’s gone.
Cherish your memories of her. I’ll keep you in my thoughts. And take your time to heal, in your own way.
You are very kind to share your own grief journey. I'm blessed to be able to see my mom in a few hours--at age 60, I can still visit my mom. What a blessing. I'm glad you made it through your own loss. !CTP
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Congratulations on making a stand.
I've been in that "shields up" survival zone. It took me a long time to get out of it. ALl power to you
Thank you. The trip to visit the rest of my children was great--grandchildren too. !CTP