DO YOU FEEL UNDERAPPRECIATED BY YOUR SPOUSE?

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Christmas blessings is my wish for every member of this wonderful community. Good day, and do have an incredible new week. Since I've only recently joined, this is my first post, and I'm hopeful that I'll be accepted.

As a first-time mother, I'd want to share some of the experiences I've had thus far. You can see that managing a 2-year-old child, my spouse, running errands, and household duties haven't been simple.

My profession requires me to bake, cook, and run a few web businesses, therefore I work from home. Firstly, I want to thank God for allowing me to experience a stress-free pregnancy. My husband was always there to support, help, and care for me in any way he could.

Image from my gallery

He was just wonderful, and I was glad that I wasn't going through this alone myself because he was with me the entire delivery day. We were overjoyed when our baby girl, our little princess, came safely, thanks to God.

Since our bundle of joy has arrived, there have been many adjustments, struggles, and even sleepless nights when you hear her wail just as you are ready to nod off. I usually tell myself, "OMG, here we go again," when this happens.

I'm happy that our relationship has so far been a pretty wonderful one. She is a two-year-old angel with unmatched agility who is also incredibly sharp and intelligent. Anything I can do for her.

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I don't know if anyone else in the room experiences this in some way, but occasionally my partner makes me feel unappreciated. Working together to accomplish a similar objective, especially with the kid, makes me so happy, especially when he helps me out with some tasks to share, which is my love language.

What do you think? In your opinion, is it a simple thing if my spouse assists in bathing our child? I can recall asking my husband for assistance with bathing her when she was around a year old or so. He understands that I'm busy with other tasks that can take a while to complete and replies that she's still too young and delicate for him to handle now, but that he'll be helping me out with stuff like that when she turns two.

Usually, I'll be patient with him and remind myself that she will soon clock two when I'm genuinely unhappy, which will be evident in my face and behavior. He assists with other household tasks, so that's not to imply he doesn't help her too, but I wanted him to be more involved with her. Or did I ask for too much since that was all I wanted?

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I no longer give much thought to what he does for her; instead, I just do what I can to unwind, maintain my health, and maintain my mental stability. But when I'm not able to do things for our daughter, like brushing her teeth, and when he asks why I explain that I was exhausted after finishing the other chores so I needed to rest and that he can help me out with it, that's when he started saying things like,

You just have one child now and you can't take care of her," "What if there were more, how will you take care of them," or maybe he should also cook the meals for me as well. Oh my goodness, his hurtful remarks make me feel so frustrated, angry, and bitter.

Since he's aware of how much I love our daughter, he's saying such naughty and hurtful words to me. It can take me days to process what he said and to get the words out of my head. As a result, I feel mentally exhausted.

Do you have a love language, and if so, how does it aid you with your spouse and household duties? I'm not sure if there are any other parents, partners, or anyone who has had a lot of parenting experience who would be ready to share how they deal with and manage the situation with us.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

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Hi @jannaforyou I'm sorry that the experience with your husband isn't pleasant, he shouldn't treat you that way, especially when you are in the middle of raising a little girl, be patient that everything will get better, trust God that it will.

As a new user there are things in your publication that you should improve, the images you took aren't free of copyright, notice that they have a watermark, there are sites like pixabay that gives you free use images, I hope you can improve for future publications.

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Thanks so much for your kind words and for also telling me about my mistake. I appreciate your comments.

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Hey babe...I am so sorry that all is not going on well as you want between you and hubby in terms of raising your child. However, you mentioned that he assist in other chores ..he is even trying...many men will not assist atall instead they will tell that it's not their responsibility but yours. I will advise to take things easier with him, speak to him politely when he is happy okay? Everything will be fine.

Secondly, you may need to remove this image in ur blog and put only the ones that are free from iStock....use free images, okay ?

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(Edited)

Thanks so much for always giving nice advice. Yes ooo, he's trying I must say, he even help me with her clothes and even mine when he's free. I only just brought this topic so people can also relate too.

About the images I'll do just that now.

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I am sorry. I really would have loved to say something but I am not married and can't even imagine what you are going through at the moment.

I hope you find a way.

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Thanks so much, I'm doing fine, and things aren't that bad. I'm glad to have you stop by.

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Hi dear. Welcome to the platform.

Here is what I think.

Since you both are new to this parenting thing, there is a lot of adjustment to be done. You both need to communicate more and understand each other.

You said he helps in other ways so capitalize on your individual strengths and complement each other.

Remind him that parenting is all around and for your both to do. The day you become a parent, you don't get to take a leave from it ever.

I wish you a happy home.

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Thanks so much for your kind advice, actually things are fine with us, but I only feel bad when he's not so supportive of her. Aside from that, he's an excellent dad💯.

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Then you have less to worry about. Think of his strengths and praise that.

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Hey babe, #dreemport has landed me to your post again oo😂😂

I can see that you have corrected those images we talked about and that's 👍
So byeeeeee
Second missionary journey 🤗

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😄😄😄😄😄 #dreamport thanks oooo for bringing her here again ooo. Thanks for being here again.

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I don't know what to say since am not married. Am sorry for how hurt and mentally stressed his words made you feel. Motherhood is a lot of work, perhaps you can sit him down and talk about how his words make you feel?

Am sure he loves his daughter but then some men feel scared to hold a child that young, they have this impression that they might break them. Am glad he helps you out in other areas this shows that he values you and doesn't lean too much towards the I am the husband factor, and he might not know that he is hurting you. Communicate with him and from there you know how to proceed

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It is really painful when we expect more from our spouse, but then their actions and words do not tally with what we expect. Obviously, while we have our own expectations, they too they have theirs. Little wonder his comment below indirectly points out the expectations he has from you:

You just have one child now and you can't take care of her," "What if there were more, how will you take care of them," or maybe he should also cook the meals for me as well. Oh my goodness, his hurtful remarks make me feel so frustrated, angry, and bitter.

In other words, he expects that taking care of one child should be an easy task for you and that is why, I think, he feels you shouldn't really be bothered.

I wish the misconception or expectations that he has could be addressed in the best way that he will understand to help reduce (if total eradication is impossible) this way he feel.

I came here via dreemport

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I am not sure what’s the norm in your culture but here inmy society taking care of a child is mother's duty and there is nothing like appreciation for her to do anything as a mother. Because it is something she has been designed and alligned to do.

You said your husband helps you in household chores. In my society, this trait also is not that common. Man earns and bring the food while woman do household chores, takes care of kids and man's family (like parents and siblings as joint family is the the norm)

Yes, there were times when I wanted to be appreciated for what I do for my kids buts desires often hurt. I have understood one thing. Whatever I do is because of my l9ve so appreciation doesn't matter. Secondly, husbands are not God. They do hurt with their words, don't understand our situations and hurt us. Forgive them. Something hurts you, explain to your husband at good point of time, in better moods. The way you have explained about your husband, I think he is a loving man.

Good luck

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Yes, he's a loving and exceptional husband and dad too. Thanks so much for your wonderful advice and also your kind words too. God bless you.

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I wish you very best for your marital and motherhood life

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One more thing... as you mentioned this is your first post.

According to the unwritten rules of the platform, make an introductory post for yourself with the tag #introduceyourself....

Popped in via dreemport

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(Edited)

Easy Janna🌺
I know it's not easy at all for you especially with the arrival of your new baby princess and your husband is a very caring man not all men or even husbands would do that for you. For now, I suggest your full devotion to your child who's in this case very tender and cute, her health is very important so is her well being.

Try to prioritize that first and see how it works for you. I'm in sync with what he said she is way to tender for him to bath her at least she should be around 3 for that to act to take effect. He can always continue with chores but it's not compulsory cause he is trying to make things lighter for you.

It's your union not mine but I would advise you to not nag at all lol 😁 it's too early to make him uncomfortable and he shouldn't use such words at all it kills the moral and strength. Thanks for submitting this in dreemport! I love your strength! I love your dedication and if chores are much get some help!♥️

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Your words are so touching, thanks so much for all the beautiful things you have said to me. I'm gonna take it slow, maybe a step at a time though 😄😄😄.

Thanks for stopping via dreamport to read my post.

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You're very welcome Janna.... and also welcome to hive! I hope you are having a great time here with us?!☺️

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I don't think most husbands/fathers truly appreciate how much moms do for the children. how much time we sacrifice. How little me time we actually get for ourselves. And as moms we are on high alert all day around our children - it is pretty exhausting. When my husband appreciates me by sharing in the household chores, surprising me with a clean kitchen, making dinner - I feel loved. It can be as simple as cleaning the dishes. When I hear him sometimes telling the kids to keep their voices lower and "let mommy sleep", I just smile and think... thank you, I love you too... it's the small things that win my heart over... I don't think he always realises it... but I think the way to show them this is to thank them and be appreciative when they do speak your love language, even if it happens by accident - hopefully it will reinforce and reward the behaviour that we want to see more often. I also get similar throwaway comments that you do. I think a lot of wives do... because for us its a full time role. For our husbands, it is often something they do for short bursts of time. Perhaps I should rephrase that and say that I should probably be referring to primary care giver vs secondary care giver, rather than genders hehe... I hope that in time things will click for you guys !LOLZ !LUV

I dropped in from Dreemport this evening
#dreemer for life

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Thanks so much, I appreciate you dropping by and sharing this great comment with me. Father indeed has different methods of helping.

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