Marriage, a woman’s saving grace

Marriage is a union between a man and a woman but I have come to realize that most people especially in my country have the belief that marriage is the greatest achievement for a woman.

From a very young age, most girls are groomed to be wives. We hear statements like “you need to be a good girl so you would get a good man” and “you need to learn how to cook because who would take care of your husband” and because of this factor most girls grow up to be women whose only goals are to be wives and It’s not that I am saying it’s a bad thing entirely but what happens when they don’t find a husband? Does that make their lives meaningless?

I was watching a house tour of a Nigerian YouTuber and she kept on getting comments like “why do you have to pay that amount for a house when you would get married and have to move to your husband’s house” and this sadly is the mentality of most Nigerian women, they have the belief that their lives can only begin when a man comes into the picture and there are thousands of woman who refuse to leave their parent’s houses because they are waiting to get married.

The Nigerian society places so much value on a woman getting married that men use marriage as bait to get sexual preferences from women and because the focus is on daughters to be good wives, most parents forget to raise their sons to be good husbands too.

Because of these factors, for the longest period I didn’t see myself getting married, yes I loved the idea and as a Christian, I knew the value of marriage but I didn’t want to be one of those girls who lived life waiting around or whose life ended the moment they got married.

I remember years back when I was in a previous relationship, we got into an argument and his insult was that I was one of those girls who wouldn’t get married and would spend her whole life trying to build a career and climbing the ladder and while he thought that would hit me, it brought so much joy to my heart.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know I would get married someday but I also have the belief that if I don’t it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I see so many women miserable in their marriages and dealing with assault of all kinds just because it is better to be a wife than single and I see so many men who take advantage of these women wanting to be married.

Oftentimes, a man would meet me somewhere random for the first time and his whole pickup line would be “do you know if I am your husband” and I would think “is that all you feel I need”?

At the end of the day, marriage is still a beautiful experience but I wish that many women would realize that there are way more things that are achievements in life and to me, marriage isn’t on top of that list.