Between losses and mourning ✨ [Week 139]
"Between losses and mourning"
To approach the conceptualizations of loss and mourning, is to have an extensive look, they are terms of polysemic exegesis, so they transit in a variety of senses and meanings, each one will consider them contrasting their scenarios, situations or events, where they have happened.
Throughout my existence I have transited between losses (absences or lacks of something I had) and duels (intense processes of recovery and assimilation for those absences or lacks). And the fact is that, as a walker, it has been precisely the losses that have made me more human, full of nuances in their meanings and signifiers, sometimes true life lessons, with an elaborate, solemn and sumptuous complexity.
With this I want to tell you that the contingency of loss, will always be there, immersed in my day to day life. Constantly I have lost and continuously I will lose something in this journey, in this tour and in many circumstances it has not or will not depend on me, it has been or will not be avoidable. All the placements or absences I have experienced have been different, as well as different responses generated. At present, I have not found a base pattern or magic recipe, which I can suggest.
As a response and manifestation to loss I always install mourning. I look at it as an evolutionary process whose intensity will be associated with the situation. I try to make it as natural as possible, adaptive and conditioned to the change that has to generate the disappearance of the event and that must be functional to the new circumstances. I try to live it, feel it, experience it in the most conscious way, but it has not always been a positive transition. Grief originates from what I feel or suffer in my inner self, conditioned reflection of what happens on my outside.
Systematizing my losses, with them I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions: denial, sadness, uncertainty, rage, anger, pain, guilt among many other disturbances; in a period of time impossible to define, because it has been conditioned to the trigger of the situation or event occurred. It is to overcome denial, to feel the pain, to assimilate the lack, to internalize that it is over, that it is no longer there. It is acceptance, not resignation. It is admitting within myself that it makes no sense to abstract myself in something that is no longer there or maybe I thought it was there or in the worst case it was never there; because it has happened to me. It is responsibility, respect and commitment not to retain, situations that generate dents that it is time to let go.
It is to move forward and not to disperse in order to finally arrive at what is expected, which is the admission, assimilation and recognition of the disappearance. That is where I always try to arrive, it is the magic moment that will allow me to rebuild myself, to remake myself, to amend what has been granted by the experience. It is to open the window of change, it is to grant emotional, physical and spiritual freedom to continue the journey of this existential journey, with essence and without distractions, because it is very short, there is no time to lose.