The hollow feeling of loss

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(Edited)

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I had a pretty messed up childhood, one in which I didn't grow up with my own mum and dad but I was fortunate as I stayed with my grandparents. They're Italian and were born in Calabria, Tropea to be exact.

My grandfather owned a fair bit of land on the coast and was a farmer. But the land back then wasn't worth much, the more land you had the more work you had to do. They grew a range of different things but I'd often hear the stories of tomatoes.

My grandparents migrated to Australia in the 1950s when there were waves of Italians coming to Australia for a better life. Sold the land for what little cash it was worth back then and headed over to Australia. He used to say "I'd be a millionaire now if I had of stayed, everyone wants a piece of Tropea". He painted alot of pictures of where he was from.

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Through my grandfather I learned alot not just about life and history but how to do alot of things. He was a tradie and we'd spend hours at a time in the garage just building things, repairing thing's and making old things new again. Til this day I still do alot of my own handy work, his cries of frustration at me always come flooding back. In English there is a word for everything, not so in Italian and multiple things can have the same name, so when you're asked to get something it can become quite confusing.

My funniest memory is when he asked for pliers and I ran in the kitchen and got tongs. Tongs and pliers are called the same thing. It's all about context with Italian and emotion. I think the word in Italian translates to pinchers in English.

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I would have been 15 - 16 when he passed away and I still remember it vividly, or more so feel it. The feeling of emptiness as if a void was instantly created. He'd been diagnosed with cancer and was under going treatment, funny enough today it is a simple surgery but back then not so much was known. He knew he was dieing and it took a few months, in those final months we spent alot of time together, fishing, in the garage, talking. Towards the end it got alot harder as he was bed ridden and didn't want to go to hospital, he was old school. He'd built a life and a home and he planned on dieing there.

That night was like most nights, he lay in bed unable to move, I kissed him goodnight and said I'd see him tomorrow. I remember getting home to my mums as I'd moved in with her. I went to bed and thought about once he got better we'd go fishing again and this time I'd catch something other than a cold.

A few hours passed and my grandmother called to say he'd passed, I didn't believe it right away and we rushed over. We only lived a few blocks away and when we arrived my grandmother was in tears we all sat and cried.

The funeral was a beautiful rememberance of his life and what he had endured, from humble beginings as a farmer to a tradie when he arrived in Australia. People shared stories and I learned more about the man he was. It was hard, hard on everyone, I remember my grandmothers cries and tears "why did you leave me alone, why?".

It's been along time, my grandmother is still alive well into her 80s and she remembers my grandfather everyday, shes got dementia and at times she awaits for him to return from work. She's in a nursing home now but prior I moved in with her to help care for her.

I've never really moved on from his death and I still strive to make him proud, I don't know if there is an after life but I hold onto the hopes that one day we will meet again and I will be able to tell him about everything I've been upto and that he would simply respond with "I know, I've been watching".

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22 comments
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Wow, such beautiful memories.

I have not shared a bond like that with anyone in my family. Grandparents died when I was just a kid.
Dad was always away on job, earning bread for his family.

Whenever I read a story like this, I wish, I had grown up with someone to look up to. To learn a few things about life and other stuff.

You were so lucky to have so many memories and lessons learned from your grandparent.

Thanks for sharing your memories.🙂

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Hearing things like this really puts things into perspective, life is hard and we're all trying to make it.

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Truly, this is an amazing story, and it's touchy as well @melbourneswest. It made me a bit sad, reading through the story and I know how it feels to lose somebody so dearly to one... I could remember last year when I lost my grandma and her birthday was so near then before she died. She's my grandma from my dad's side (she's my dad's mom) She stays in abroad, and it's been years we've seen each other, and I thought I'd see her soon, I never knew the last time she came to Nigeria would be the last time I'd see her — so sad...

Thanks for sharing. It brought back memories


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I'm sorry for your loss, things can happen suddenly and that's the hard part, it leaves a hole in our lives.

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You're right, it does leave a hole in our lives..., and sometimes, we do remember them; and so it's not easy to forget them because they are part of memories. But I've accepted my faith...

Thanks a lot @melbourneswest

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Beautiful and heartfelt writing. It is so clear that he meant a great deal to you and still does. You are fortunate to have had the love of a Grandfather who still inspires you to this day. Lovely submission to this week's WOTW.


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Thank you, it brought me back fond memories writing it. It was the first thing that came to mind when I read this week's word of the week.

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Beautiful and heartfelt writing. It is so clear that he meant a great deal to you and still does. You are fortunate to have had the love of a Grandfather who still inspires you to this day. Lovely submission to this week's WOTW.


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This must have been a strong one to you at then, and still keeping that memory till now proofs to me that you are a strong man and the secret to that strength comes from the lessons you learnt through it...
So tragic though but i must say that you were brave..


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what a touching family story...
we all are from the country called Childhood, and we all have our own luggage of memories, happiness and tears from it...

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I still remember my nonna well and miss here so much. She used to swear in Italian and I miss that too. I remember "Cazzo!" and "Puttana!" and sometimes "Porca Eva!". She was an excellent cook and when pasta was ready I had uncles I never knew about coming over to eat.

Indeed, we are all connected so there is an emptiness and solitude when one person is missing in our life.


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Wow what a wonderful story and great remember, indeed grandparents is a wonderful parents, they don't a great thing to train you well.

And have being a man of wisdom to learn about those things from them , which are still useful for you today.

Some children they won't learn from their parents they will think, those parents are wicked and they are suffering them or putting them to hardship and no know is a waste.

They all useful now or in the future, some will even tell the parents that grandma And grandpa are not taking care of them, just because of the work.

How painful the day to you because you feel sad that the man you think you will both went to fishing that morning is not more, I know you feel bad.

But you feel happy to hear the good things he as done during his life on earth, that is a great testimony of a wonderful man and that is we should leave our life.

So that if we dead people will speak well of us not that they will be saying, thank God he gone, am so happy to hear this great testimony about your grandfather.

But now is now a remember and story, and you have make a good decision to take care of your grandma..


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Wow this interesting all the you grow up successfully I'm so glad for you today


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I recognize that sense of emptiness just so too well. I lost a role model just when I was few years older than you, when you lost your granny. I was 18. The memory is still fresh, even after 11 eleven years. I know it would never get old.

Just like you, I wanna make him proud. I wish I'm gonna see him someday.

Thanks for sharing your world with us.


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The pain of having to watch a loved one due slowly.
Your grandma is a really strong woman.

Rimes changes, things happen but memories still live on.. nice piece.


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Life is sometimes like this, mother's should not see their child die, is hard and painfull, but still is lovely to see how love goes on beyong the boundery of dead, i hope when your time comes, your dad is waiting for you on heaven and say: Im proud of your life son.

A big hug and support, best of luck on the contest :)

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I am sorry for your loss.
I believe in the after life and I hope he does say to you I've been looking out for you.
I am sure he is proud of you.

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