It's been about 4 months now since I've had my Ayahuasca Ceremony. And although I've had several people tell me they were curious to hear about it, something was stopping me from writing it all down.
This is not entirely true. I started writing this only 2 days after my experience but then I stopped and never continued. For months, I wanted to pick up where I left this (at the intro) but nothing could convince me to actually take action and write. Well, today is the day because today I also figured out why I stopped when I did. That reason was unconsciously the reason for me, and today it came to the conscious me.

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When unconscious beliefs become conscious thoughts

It was a minor thing really because it involved another person and their lack of interest for my story. I know now that this was what stopped me from telling it because I subconsciously believed that this lack of interest of that person meant that no one else would be interested.

Isn't it strange how the mind can play tricks on us?

Because now, I know all of it had nothing to do with me but everything with them.
I can't really explain it exactly but it wasn't even that there was a lack of interest in this person but a huge amount of self-interest instead.

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It, the whole experience, and that night was all about them. Which isn't true but that's what it seemed like at the time, and what that person seemed to believe, and possibly still does.
It was my perception that it was because I felt shut down when I started to tell my story, when in reality it was nothing more than an attempt in that person to try to prove something to others about themselves.
You could call it self-absorption if you will.
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However, I believe very strongly that everything happens for a reason and that now and not then, it's the right time to tell my story, and for that, I thank that individual. We are all on our own personal journeys after all. Some of it serves as a reminder of who I truly am.

So follow me to my night with mother Aya!

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My background with Ayahuasca

Yes, it was my first time there.
However, I've been studying the subject for many years. Around 10 to be precise.
It all started when I started reading these books by Carlos Castaneda.
I was amazed by the stories he wrote. And if they were actually true, as he claimed, then they are even more amazing. Aside from that, I had a few strange occurrences that happened, just from reading the books. Maybe this will be in another post some other time.

I was in school at the time, adult education, doing art school, when I was doing some research in the computer room.
I was done with my work so I started researching some things that had to do with Ayahuasca.

One of my 'schoolmates', Martin, a man who became a very close friend later, came up to me and asked me to look something up for him.
I'd known him for a while, just seeing him around town, as he was the brother of another friend of mine, but we hardly ever spoke more than 2 words to each other.

So I was quite surprised about what he said to me.
He asked me to look up something about this cactus. 'Masculine' as he called it. I knew exactly what he meant, and said it was called 'Mescaline', a substance that can be found in some cacti, like the peyote cactus.

He insisted it was Masculine though, so we both had to laugh when I showed him the word online.
Then I showed him what I had been researching, and we were both stunned to see that we actually had similar thoughts at the same time.
There was no doubt in my mind that there was a good reason for this.
Strange how friendships can form sometimes, right?

Anyway, after this, we'd talk about the subject all the time, and we'd send each other information we found constantly.
We both dreamed of one day traveling to the Amazon rainforest, and participate in an authentic Ayahuasca ceremony.

Well, for me it wasn't the Amazon but close enough. The jungle of the Riviera Maya would do!

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The Night Before

A Colombian shaman, and his wife, were visiting only for a short time. It seems that they travel all over the place to do these ceremonies so there wouldn't be another chance until they come back next year or so.

It was quite short notice for me, but I wanted to take the chance, and somehow made it work.
I didn't really have the money to pay the contribution but I knew that if it was meant to be, it would come to me. It did.

Somehow my body must have known before I did because I had already started water & juice fasting in the days before. I hadn't had any solid foods for about 4 days. I was SO happy about that later! But you'll have to wait to find out why.

I only decided the day before the ceremony that I'd be able to go, and I knew that I would need to be as rested as possible, in order to have the best experience possible.
However, I was too excited to really get a full night of sleep in. But what happened during my slumber is possibly more important than those extra hours of sleep.

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My personal Jaguar

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I love big cats, I love small cats. I love cats.
I love all animals but there's something special about cats. They're still so much more connected to their wild self, and nature. There's something so wise about them, and something spiritual. I'm convinced my own cat Ninja talks to me. And she understands so much more than we think.

Anyway. I love lions, I ADORE tigers, but I am absolutely amazed by the stunning Jaguar.
To me, the Jaguar is the queen or king of the wilderness. There's just something so fierce and wild about them. More than in other large cats.
If you know how they hunt and kill their prey, you might get an idea...

That night, I fell into a short but quite restful sleep. The way I recall it, I started my dream almost instantly. However, it was one of the most real dreams I have ever had in my life! When I woke up I literally had to 'come back' to this dimension and slowly feel and see whatever was around me to know I wasn't still in the jungle.

In my dream, I was walking on a jungle path, enjoying the surroundings, listening to the sounds around me. The birds, the crickets, the earthworms, I heard them all. Singing, slithering, minding their own business, all playing their part in this game we call life.

With my eyes I followed bright butterflies flutter around me and in front of me.
All of a sudden: there she was. This magnificent creature, her eyes greener than emeralds, I remember thinking it seemed almost unnatural, and her fur shiny and beautiful, the patterns on her had a slight purple glow.
She was huge!
But I wasn't afraid. Almost as if I'd expected her to appear.
I slowly blinked my eyes, as I knew to do to make a cat feel comfortable and not threatened.
She slowly returned my gaze, and blinked as well.

Then she spoke. Not with her mouth but with her mind. "What is it that you're searching for? What is it that you want to know?" she asked.
And with my mind, I told her:
"I don't know where to go from here.
Where should I go, and what should I do?"
She growled but it sounded like she was laughing.
She answered:
"You're already in the right place. You're already on the right path."
She quickly added:
"Next! What else?"
"But I don't know what to do. What if I make mistakes?"
She came closer. She was getting impatient, and for a moment I felt a bit of fear.
I could feel her breathe on me now, that's how close she was, and she was HUGE.
At this point she rubbed her cheek against mine and whispered:
"The right path. You'll know. You know! Stay on the path."
Her fur and the patterns on it started to turn blurry, and the purple glow seemed to get absorbed by me.

Before I knew it, she was gone and I woke up.

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I think some people who know anything about Shamanism, will know how significant the Jaguar is in the Shamanic world.
After waking up, it took me a while to feel I was actually in my bedroom and not in the jungle.
But it immediately put a smile to my face.
I hoped to meet my Jaguar the following night during the ceremony but even without her, it felt like half the work was already done, and whatever would happen that night, it would all be good.

I was right.

How that night went?

You'll have to read part two!

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