So today, I'll be writing about something I've wanted to write about for the longest. Everyone gets shy once in a while, but I strongly believe there's a difference between being shy and being shy to the point where it restricts your growth, development, social interactions, making one unable to build good relationships or friendships with other people.

If there's anyone who relates deeply to this topic here, it is me. I used to be this extremely, extremely shy young girl. Anyone who knew me back in the day will call me shy. Rightfully, because I was.

I never looked at people's faces when I walked, I never answered questions in class (even when I knew the right answers), I never spoke to people I didn't know, I couldn't be in large crowds. The funny fact is, this wasn't very long ago.

I remember the one time my lecturer asked me to solve a problem on the board. I approached the board with shaky legs and sweaty palms. I did the statistics on the board and then, she smiled and said, "correct, now explain it to the class". I felt betrayed and lost, I mean, it was bad enough that I had to stand in front of the entire class. I was visibly shaking. You could see it if you were there.

Looking back at those days and coming out of my shell, I'd like to share one or two things that worked for me in my quest to personally develop myself, which might help you deal with shyness, nervousness and social anxiety.

Walk with me through being that confident and outspoken person that you ought to be.

Act the script

Even if you're not confident, act like you are. Portray confidence with your body language. This is one thing my mom taught me. She said when you walk through a crowd, they do not need to know that you're feeling a type of way.

Walk like you own the place. Take control of your body language, even if it means faking it for yourself. I mean, I used to have this awkward walking posture, because I was always nervous and shy, but then, I began walking like I didn't think anyone was watching and it helped.

At first, I was faking it, but the thing is, you grow with it, till it becomes yours. You slowly and eventually start believing in it.

Practice confidence

This is a step to changing the narrative, your narrative. Put in intentional efforts to doing things publicly. Try going on stages, stand in front of a mirror and practice public speaking (one of the oldest techniques), maintain eye contact during conversations (I struggled with this one a lot growing up).

Nowadays, I get butterflies in my stomach when I'm asked to speak at public gatherings, conferences, group discussions, and even sing at church. This did not all build up in one day. It took practice and even more practice.

You can start by interacting with new people. This will make you feel nervous, but with time you might end up becoming the conversation starter.

Leave your comfort zone

Your comfort zone is basically like a ball housing you in your mind, and this is even the friendliest way to put it. Your comfort zone is your barrier.

Anything outside that little ball makes you nervous and shy away. Break that shell. Try new things. Push yourself right out. Do stuff that you probably never imagined yourself doing. Set little challenges for yourself.

Here's an example, I joined the drama department in my social group, sometime last year, and, oh my, here's me of several years ago who couldn't look at people in the face, acting? I was shocked at what I could do.

Admittedly, at first, it was beyond hard. But now, you might need to put me on set with Genevieve Nnaji. That's what getting out of your comfort zone does.

You never know what you can achieve till you try. Even if you fail at it, at least you will learn something from it. That's a win-win.

Don't keep yourself away

Hang out with friends. Don't be a couch potato. Engage in fun activities. Talk with people.

Isolation is the norm for shy people, because they feel more comfortable in their own space, without too much going on. Just peace and quiet, while this is not so bad, I mean, we all need to recharge once in a while. Making it a norm worsens the case.

Spend time with your family, go for a walk, message your friends to hang out, say hello to new people.

Express yourself

This point cannot be further emphasized. Learn to express yourself at work, school, with strangers.

Never suppress any thought or emotion that you might want to let out. It's one thing to have an opinion and it's another to be able to express that opinion.

You're still a shy person if you have to be cajoled into expressing how you feel about something. It should come naturally, and with practice.

Don't worry about if your ideas will be liked or accepted, what matters is that you have an idea and you're expressing it.

Do not be held back and quiet. Remember, life's too short, live your best life expressing yourself.

Speak less about how shy you are

This is something I had to learn the hard way. I used to be the person who got into a conversation with the intro phrase- 'I'm quite shy.'

People do not need to know that you're shy or how shy you are. Chances are that they didn't even notice. Bringing their attention to it only makes it very awkward for you because now, everyone will be centred on it.

Allow the conversation to flow and just be you.

Stop overthinking

Get rid of extreme expectations, allow yourself to breathe. This is something familiar to many, and even I still catch myself overthinking sometimes. It's normal, but can be controlled.

Things that we overthink about, end up not being as bad as we paint them to be. They only make one nervous and worried about trivial things (most times).

Showcase yourself

How are we going to know you if you don't show us? I resonate so much with Tatiana Manaois's song, Like you. That song explains why you need to show yourself to the world.

Some people are afraid to present themselves the way they are, for fear of judgement or whatnot. People are going to judge anyway, let them judge.

Allow yourself to explore your real self, make yourself known the way you are. This in itself will lead you to self-confidence and a sense of freedom.

Retain your personality

While at all the aforementioned things, don't try to be someone else. Don't try to change yourself.

The entire idea is to enhance yourself, to be a better version of yourself. You see, the keyword there is 'yourself'.

So in being confident, and overcoming shyness, don't try to throw who you are out the window or imbibe another person's personality. That's just like bearing another person's surname, weird right?

Thanks for your time, till next time ❤️