Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #6
Hola everyone! And welcome to the SIXTH edition of Adventures from a Lifetime of Staring at Sweethearts, I am your host with the hoes, Nevies the not-novice 😉, the eyes of Horus looking at the ass of whore-rus (Yes, I'd do anything for the rhyme)
This is a series where I give situation reports about things that transpire as I go about my daily life simply being a gentleman, walking upright, breathing in air, keeping an open mind like they say in the philosophy books and finally keeping an open eye that just happens to take in so many girls.
Here's the intro to the series:
I'm assuming by now everyone knows I'm like most modest gentlemen out there, which means everyone knows that quite like everybody else I breathe through my nose, eat through my mouth and like me some girls 😀.
There are a lot of things I want to do with these girls, naturally, and once in a while I'm lucky enough to do it with them, other times I'm stumbling and rolling on the ground from hitting the many obstacles that stand between me and doing the happy things I want to do with these girls. But there's one thing that is the easiest to do, this one thing that every gentleman like myself dearly love to do, this one thing that never fails us, this one thing that is always readily available to be done if you quite want to. That one thing is: looking at girls!
It never fails. All you need to do is go where girls could be found, or simply go about your daily business in society, keeping an open heart and an open eye and you'd get to absorb all the beauty, hills and plains, curves and edges these ladies drag along with them.
There are studies (you can check one out here), that prove that staring at women can be very beneficial to men's lifespans and health. Now I'm an honest man, I'm not trying to pretend like this study is the reason why I stare at girls, I had been staring at girls years before the people who carried out this study were even born, but I'm bringing this study up so that you can look at me and be proud of me for the great work I'm busy doing on my health and lifespan instead of doing drugs and ruining my life. You see?
So in my day to day quest to staying a model young man by improving my health in this way, I do have some adventures (Funny how I didn't have to become an archeologist in the end in order to have my fair share of adventure in this life). I've decided I start sharing my adventures, observations and stories with the rest of the world, who knows I might end up inspiring people to be healthier and lead better lives. With that I welcome you all to the brand new series tittled:
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls
In case you didn't already realize it, this series is like what they do on #exhaust and #actifit, it is all a means to promote healthy living by documenting our healthy activities. Before you object, remember the studies that show that staring at swidis is healthy living? Alright, don't argue with scientists and experts okay?
I'm going to be separating these different adventures/stories and calling them 'Reports' for organizational purposes like I always do. Each adventures post would typically have many reports so it would never be too brief. Alright, here we go for the sixth edition!
This edition is more about my staring at swidis with the help of my phone (Oh, what would I be without my phone). No porn intended, though, I'm talking about staring on social media and stuff like that.
Okay, twerking on social media has become really mainstream (fortunately), and recently I found a whole bunch of girls on Facebook who have made it a point of duty to make these twerking videos. I would go to their pages frequently to appreciate their good works and while I'm smiling and scrolling I would notice one thing with these girls, they keep captioning 'I do not have the rights to this music' on their videos. I was really worried about this so I began sending them messages like:
'Oh no, dear, it is no matter if do not have the rights to this music, you have the rights to the booty you're shaking, don't you? That's all that matters, honey. Stay safe.'
'What do you need the rights to the music for when you have a booty like that? You are blessed, just be contented and rule your world. Shalom'
'Trust me when I tell you that not having the rights to the music does not take away anything from the efficacy of that waist, as long as you can reenact a seizure with your ass like that who are we to judge you?'
I kept sending them messages like these until a lawyer friend of mine told me that they didn't add that they do not have the rights to the music because they felt inadequate or anything but because of intellectual property rights.
On my Facebook, I see so many pretty girls in my 'people you may know' section, so I have decided to petition Facebook to change it from 'people you may know' to 'people you are supposed to know in this life' or 'fuck you if you don't know these people'. Something like that.
Incompetence and amateurism would be the death of mankind! I was recently ecstatic because I found a Facebook twerker with a kind of booty specification that I like. I followed through immediately and went to her timeline to watch her twerk videos and you wouldn't believe what I saw! This girl twerks that good booty but she constantly has her username on the screen and it is positioned in such a way that it interferes with the twerking most times, like what kind of rubbish is this? I be a gentleman and come to watch your twerk videos but you obstruct my view with your username? What is this, my God!
I leave her wall without giving her a follow and the next day she pops up on 'pages to follow'. I look at her and the Facebook algorithm like:
This girl is not just incompetent/amateurish, Facebook's algorithm is too. If Facebook's algorithm was good enough it would know not to recommend that kind of girl to me. Rubbish!
Some time ago a musician in my country Nigeria made a tweet, in the tweet he was talking about another female musician, he was talking about her ass. Here is the tweet:
Since the text is in pidgin English here is a perfect English translation:
'Everybody can't wait to see Tems's ass. Even I myself I'm waiting, who is waiting with me?'
This tweet was the first time I heard about the female Nigerian musician called Tems. I wondered, yo, why is this guy tweeting about her ass? And how come she has an ass worthy of tweets and I am just hearing about her for the first time? What is actually wrong with me? Am I losing my touch? But then I left this self evaluation/meditation for another time and I hurried to YouTube to watch her music videos and bear witness to the booty the sages spoke about and you wouldn't believe what I saw!
This girl was a good looking darling with a good looking waist, well shaped and all, you can bet your life she would be harbouring a great ass behind her but she never turns her back in her music videos, never shows her ass in her music videos! Like, man, what kind of shit is that? What kind of brand/concept could that be? A sexy girl who sings, raps and make sexy songs hiding her booty in her videos? Seems like one never gets to see it all.
And that was why that musician made that tweet, he's been waiting to see that booty video after video to no avail. He's quite a soul brother to me since he be about that booty, but the difference is that he's too patient, I got pissed off in no time myself. Fuck Tems. We're talking about healing the world and doing our part but all she can think of is hoard that goodness, she's lucky Michael Jackson is not here to see this bullshit.
That's it y'all! 😃 Thanks for dropping by on today's edition. See you in future editions!
Also, if you haven't, check out the previous editions: Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #1 Has 4 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #2 Has 4 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #3 Has 2 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls #4 Has 2 reports
Adventures From a Lifetime of Staring at Girls#5 Has 5 reports
Roll with @nevies, I run a Humor, deeper thoughts and sex talk blog here on Hive🌚