WRONG APPROACH!

In an attempt to resolve a conflict sometimes, if you fail to apply wisdom, there is a tendency you land yourself in trouble. However, that doesn't mean that we should fold our hands when the need arises.

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Good day my fellow hive learner's community. If you wouldn't mind, I will need your candid opinion and view on this matter arising !!

It's been a day of mixed feelings for me, sad/partially happy. Sad in the sense that the way I approached this matter is bringing issues, partially happy because my friend who is an expectant mum is a bit relieved from emotional torture.

So yesterday afternoon, I had a surprise visit from a friend so dear to me. This lady got married on the 12th of February, 2022. It's just barely 4 months plus that she was wedded and already undergoing some emotional trauma from her husband. I was so chagrined to hear all the ugly stories about her marriage of 4months, the worst part is that she is currently pregnant and suffering abuse at the same time.

According to her, the husband all of a sudden started acting strange. She stays alone in the house once the husband leaves to work, she has been dealing with idleness for some time now and the instruction from her hubby was that she dares not step out of the house for any reason, the husband took away all the Tv remotes just to make sure she does not watch movie which is the only thing that keeps her company, he insults her and uses horribles words so humiliating on her each time they have a little misunderstanding. He also reminds her of her poor family background and to crown it all, he beats her up at any slighted opportunity. She already sustained some injuries and I saw the scars on her body.

There were terrible things she revealed to me about the whole situation, so sad! She looked pale, drained, and vomited blood in my very eyes. According to her last antenatal report from her doctor, her Blood pressure was very high, her blood level is too low with Ulcer as well. Hmmm, I blamed her for not voicing out all along but she said, she thought she could manage the situation not until it escalated beyond her control.

Well, I advised her and encouraged her the much as I can and she left. Then at midnight, she called me crying, and I could hear the husband's voice shouting at her, telling her to leave his house. It was another terrible beating and a sad experience. So when it was dawn this morning and I was sure the husband has left to work, I called her and advised her to give the man some space, pick few of her clothes and go stay with her brother residing in the same city so she can have some peace, considering her early pregnancy condition, after all, the husband said she should leave the house. Maybe they can sort out their differences after a little space.

She embraced the idea as she has nursed same before I suggested it to her, she prepared and left for her brother's house this morning. According to her, she dropped a written note to her husband at home explaining her whereabouts. Hmmm, my dear friends, the husband called me an hour ago and threatened to arrest me with the police if his wife spend the night in her brother's house. In his voice, he said he is very sure I was the one that gave her such an idea.

Now, what does he want me to do, allow him to strangle her and keep abusing her? A pregnant lady? That's not fair. She is his wife and not a slave no matter her poor background. Anyways, I have informed my husband about the issue and we are waiting for the police arrest if that is the case. I have to keep my fingers crossed let's see how the case unfolds.

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Do you think I approached this matter wrongly by advising the poor girl to give him some space while we try to sort out their differences?

Where did I get it wrong?
Your opinion is highly welcomed in the comment section, please.

Thanks.



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22 comments
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The husband is a goat, you gave her the right advice and actually the husband need to get arrested!

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Thank you burl....
He is exercising his manpower over the poor gal, who does that...I have a plan, and I wish he will bring the police to my house.
Rubbish!!

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(Edited)

Are you serious just 4 months and all these are already happening.
Is that man human?, he is insane seriously he needs help.
Police arrest my foot, he wouldn't dare it.
Advice your friend to take a picture of the wounds and keep as well, Incase he starts telling lies or try to denial his horrible actions.
Hmmmm, I can't even imagine the whole situation.
So, these things are still happening.
Ahhhhhhhh, life has a lot.
She is indeed a very good person to a fault sha.
May God help her and reset that man.
Does he even love her from the start?
Or feel anything for her?
Even if someone doesn't really care for you, the person wouldn't be this wicked nah,
The man sha.

My dear friend you didn't do anything wrong.
If I am the one I could have reported him self.
He wants to kill two people at once.

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My dear oo
His brain needs a reset...
Some people will not be ready for marriage and just enter anyhow running their fellow humans' life.

I am still waiting for the police nah🤔
I hate nonsense

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Honey, you did the right things and if care is not taken your friend will lost her life in that marriage. If you don't want to lose her tell her to Inform her siblings or even anybody she knows that can help her. I'm talking from experience.

My aunt lost her life recently because of this and I wouldn't like anyone I know to be a victim again.

This kind of men are what the devil is using for his evil scheme. The problem now is that your friend doesn't have a job and it really sad.

Don't feel any regret and I'm very sure the man wouldnt try to arrest you, he is only threatening you. He knows the police would arrest him after hearing how it happen.

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Hmmmm

Thanks for your kind words my dear.
I pray the issue get resolved.
This kind of thing scares some people away from getting married.
Thanks

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Honestly it does but I believe we still have sweet and good marriages out there

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Before she left to her brother's place there should have been enough evidences like voice recordings of her husband abusing her. Aside from you being a witness i also wish there are aleast two other more witnesses to attest to this sort of abuse. Though it's good as you've notified your husband of the husband's threat.

So far as the husband wanted her to leave, the advice you gave her was the best. If she were to be working on the norms and never relied on her husband for petty needs, maybe the man shouldn't have been harsed on her to the extreme @nkemakonam89

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Yes my friend, she is yet to secure a job and the man was the one dat stopped her from doing so until she gives birth.

The babe was smart enough to make a recording and I have it in my phone too.

However ,I haven't seen the so called husband with the police till now, otherwise he will implicate himself.

Thanks for your warm words👌

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Thank you the buzzy💪

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Hey dear Nkem! Found your post via Listnerds. Okay, just as you said, let the police arrest come and if it does, then it shows how our police have greatly degenerated. Why should the police support a man who abuses his wife, unless he feeds them lies?

I have a similar situation going on with a neighbour whose husband consistently beats her and I wonder, why is she still with him? The rate of domestic abuse and violence is on the rise. What is the cause of all these? What kind of sadists are these?

Financial independence matters a lot. If your friend, my neighbor and other women going through something similar are financially independent, they would find a way out of this before it gets worse!

I'm sorry about your friend and advise she stays put in her brother's house. You did great giving her such an advice. So be at peace about that. Happy weekend.
!PIZZA

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Found your post via Listnerds.

Listnerds? But I have not yet registered on listenerd or has someone promoted my post over there?

My dear KemmyB, it's so sad that many women suffer this abuse all in the name of marriage without having the boldness to take concrete action.

Financial independence for sure will go a long way in curtailing this ugly issue however, my friend was restricted by her husband not to work until she gives birth.

Well, I am glad you are strongly behind my advice to the lady, the lady on the other hand was smart enough to record one of the husband's abuse and I have it on my phone. Maybe someone has given the husband a clue cos I haven't seen him and the police since today as threatened otherwise he will implicate himself cos I will use the recorded abuse against him in the court of law.

Many thanks my darling for your kind words. We can only get better if women fight these as a team.

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...my friend was restricted by her husband not to work until she gives birth.

Seriously? Are we living in the 17th century? As long as her health is fine, no one should restrict her from working. Of course, it's a plan by the husband to keep her at home so he could perpetrate his annoying acts.

I'm glad you have some evidence to use against the man. I don't understand how some people can be mean. I'll ping you in Comet HQ! 😎

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Of course, it's a plan by the husband to keep her at home so he could perpetrate his annoying acts.

That's a point here🤔

Oh yes I have the evidence
Thank you so much my dear
We will catch up @HQ for sure👍

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My dear, you did exactly what I would have done. Infact I will go further to inform the ladies family members and the pastor.

In as much as we don't encourage devorce, We don't encourage any woman to die in the hands of any man who knows nothing about her value.

Lets keep our fingers crossed and watch how it unfolds

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So sad, if their marriage is only 4 months and all this miserable things is occurring.

You were right by telling the young lady to leave to her brother's house and if case is not taking she might lose her life in this situation.

Please let her voice to her pastor and her parents and siblings.

Let her continue to stay with her brother untill the issue is settle.

I want to asked, did she not experience this attitude before getting married?

Thank you for helping her.

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Well, according to her , it was a distance relationship so she couldn't notice some of the excesses. She is cool in her brothers house now and all her family members has been informed .

Thank you my dear

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