MONEY AND FAMILY...

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A couple of months ago, my partner and I had a serious conversation about our finances. She mentioned certain money habits I exhibit that were hurting our finances. At first, I was sad (and defensive) because it was never in my intention to do things that would hurt us. Nevertheless, she did a good thing by setting what I consider to be healthy financial boundaries.

When it comes to finances, it is often best to have healthy boundaries with your family and friends. It is almost impossible to build wealth without establishing healthy boundaries and I have learnt this the hard way.

Late this evening, an uncle of mine called asking for money. He complained that his health is in a critical state and he needed some money to get drugs. This is the third time he was using that line. I did not give him the money and i have been filled with guilt and anger ever since.

I felt guilty because i had the money (although it is set aside for something else). I felt angry because i know how i have struggled alone with my family for years and now people who never cared to be there for us are making requests. It is the audacity for me.

Don't get me wrong, i dont mind helping, but I hate the emotional manipulation. Remembering some of the hurtful things he said about father makes it even more difficult to help but i have outgrown that to some extent. I just can’t give more than i am already giving.

Being the eldest child and beard winner of my family, I have had to make several financial decisions that we're not favourable to my long-term plan. However, I am at a point where I don't feel I need to make such sacrifices any more.

I want to grow. I dont want to spend my entire life working for other people to enjoy at my own expense. I have given so much of myself and i cannot do it anymore.

It is never an easy task setting healthy boundaries with family and friends. People close to you develop a sense of entitlement (mostly consciously) towards you and your resources it becomes a difficult bond to break. They will exploit every weapon in their arsenal to maintain the unhealthy relationship.

However, if you want to build sustainable wealth over time (especially as one building from the ground up), you need to set healthy boundaries and often times it comes at a hefty price. For instance, i am not friends with some people because i refused to give them money. They assume i have enough to spare while in reality, i barely have enough to get by on most days.

It is often painful to say no to the people you love but it is necessary most times. The truth is even those who love you can take advantage of you (if need be). So you need to set those healthy boundaries.

I am learning to say no to the people i care about and it is the hardest thing (you can see me struggling). However, i tell myself that it will get easier the next time. If i do want to be financially free, I need to be more assertive.


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5 comments
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i understand how you feel and yea it has happened to me in certain cases but more is based on strangers that i don't really know trying to play smart with me all because i like helping, and i am also learning to say no and turn deaf ears to some lame excuses from people who feel they can manipulate their way using emotional distress....

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yea it has happened to me in certain cases but more is based on strangers that i don't really know trying to play smart with me all because i like helping

I can relate with this. Ever since hive nails started making some waves I have been getting a lot of unsolicited messages. People mistake my benevolence to naivety, which I find comical.

i am also learning to say no and turn deaf ears to some lame excuses from people who feel they can manipulate their way using emotional distress....

That is the way to go bro

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People are very entitled and manipulative. You need to learn to not be angry at yourself when you choose not to help such people.

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It is just difficult because they are family too and I am big on family. However, I am not going to let anyone rain on my parade

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