Emotional Healing - How to Overcome Destructive Emotions from Your Past
This is another article meant to guide you if you allow me to.
~ a photo from my Deviantart gallery 👆💜
👉 Fear was the emotion that guided me for years. I made decisions I didn't want, that I wasn't congruent with, because of fear.
I've been on the verge of being a nobody all my life. There is an art in being nobody and I wouldn't be good at that either.
The fear that I was not good enough was the one that blocked me the most.
Maybe I'm getting older if I write to you about how to find your inner strength and happiness, but maybe it's a sign of maturity. I have no idea where this need came from.
Part of my system is based on this principle:
"Teach people to heal their wounds and they will live happily ever after."
It seems like a cliché, but in reality, this principle is a "treasure map". When I realized this, it was clear to me what are the steps that someone must follow to become happy:
Know your emotional wounds
When I say "emotional wounds" I don't mean events you've been through. I'm not interested in the causes, I'm interested in how you feel after going through those events. A man's injuries are caused by tens, hundreds of events in his life. Think of an emotional wound as a wound on your skin, as if you cut yourself and it hurts, but it doesn't heal. Time seems to erase the wound, but in reality, it is there..
👉 The emotional wounds you might feel:
Lack of love
Imagine what it is like to live your life with these emotions instead of feeling joy, peace, security, love, acceptance, trust.
Of all these emotions, the hardest was for me to cure my fear. Each of us has one or more primary and secondary emotional wounds.
I had to dig deep into my subconscious to find the source of my fears.
My fear was so old, in every cell in my body, that it took me years to get rid of it. I did not even have access to the methods I know today.
To heal an emotional wound, it is not enough to wait for time to pass. Haven't you noticed that years have passed since an event occurred, and some days you are weaker, more tired, sadder as if that wound from the past feels like it just happened? Time sometimes heals, other times it just hides our wounds.
So what is to be done?
💡 Understand your wounds and find out their meaning
There is a way to heal the wounds of your past. There are many methods, not just one, but I will give you at least one method to have for your wounds.
The deepest healing system for these wounds is to know them and not to hide them. Most people run away from their wounds, hide in work, hide in alcohol, hide in relationships, hobbies, etc.
But the wound comes to the surface especially when you are alone. I have seen many people desperately trying not to be left alone. This fear of loneliness occurs when the wounds are very large and inevitably appear in those moments of loneliness.
Your emotional wounds appear especially to remind you that there were times in your life when you needed unconditional love and did not receive it, you needed protection and you felt insecure and you learned to fear the future.
↘️ Wound Healing
Once you understand what your wounds are, caused by insecurity, lack of love, and protection, it's time to take care of your wounds to heal them.
Sadness is perhaps the most common emotional wound. Sadness occurs when thinking is predominantly pessimistic, when "you see life in black." Sadness is like a curtain of darkness that covers your days. Simply put, no matter how beautiful life is, you can only see the darkness within you.
Sadness is the signal that you have lost your way through that darkness, that you have moved away from who you really are. Sadness appears the moment you lose your inner compass and no longer follow your destiny.
When you feel sad, you can make the mistake that I made, I tried to run away from sadness. I was looking for activities, I was trying to forget the cause of sadness, but in reality, sadness was just a signal that I was running away from myself.
The day I said "I sit and look sadness in its eyes", the sadness disappeared. I was on the verge of depression but I had no idea.
The moment I had the courage to look deep into the heart of sadness and not lie anymore, not to run away from what I feel, I discovered that in fact, that sadness was there to draw my attention that something was wrong in my life.
I discovered why I was always tired and unwilling, I discovered that I am the one who runs away from what makes me happy in life.
💮🌻 Sadness is the aroma of your soul that withers without blooming even once. When you live your freedom, sadness does not appear in your soul. Sadness appears in the chains of the soul, never in the free flight of your heart.
Healing of sadness occurs by violating your limits, limits imposed and programmed not by you, but by those who raised and educated you.
Fear was my most common "advisor." I lived in fear from my mother's womb and I was born feeling fear in every cell.
The fear is so overwhelming that it can completely control you. The healing of fear I began to test in adolescence when I read in the book Dune a "mantra" against fear.
I don't remember the exact words anymore but I do remember their meaning. It was like a wave of peace for me when I practiced this method.
When I felt fear, I repeated the following phrases dozens of times: “I let fear pass through me and over me. And, after it's over, I look after her. Where there is fear, there will be nothing left. I will be the only one left. ”
I had learned these sentences and they saved me from the fear I felt. At first I clung to the words of this mantra as an ally. Then something deeper happened. I understood what the last part meant when I said "I'll be the only one left".
In time I saw that in fact, the source of fear is in me. I was the one who, through my thoughts, built my fear or destroyed it, instantly, with a single thought.
I just couldn't do it from the beginning. I needed practice. Fear was so deeply imprinted in my cells that I thought what I was thinking was real. Fear is dangerous because it gives you the feeling that what you are thinking is real.
If I am to be proud of something, I am proud of the fact that I have learned that fear is hidden in my thoughts and that I am the one who decides whether to provoke it or stop it.
Fear disappears when you do not run away from it but notice it. Just like sadness. In fact, emotional wounds persist as long as you look away and not look at yourself.
Loneliness comes with a lack of love. I should treat them together, but I thought of them separately so I will describe them one by one.
The feeling of loneliness comes from the fear of abandonment, from that feeling that no one will want you, that there is no one who will understand you and accept you as you are.
Loneliness is the sadness you feel when you forget who you are. "I feel lonely" means for most people "I don't feel loved."
I have seen how the fear of loneliness heals as you learn how to love yourself.
I will talk to you about self-love in solitude. Because you only feel lonely if you can't love yourself.
I make a parenthesis to tell you that self-love is essential for those who want to have a happy relationship. And who doesn't want that !?
Unfortunately, most people have been educated not to love themselves. We were taught to love others first and then ourselves. The one who loves himself more is labeled as selfish and no one likes to be selfish.
I like to be selfish because that means I take care of myself first.
I think religion has done us a lot of psychological damage and this lack of self-love is the most destructive.
We have been educated that it is not normal to take care of our own person, we have been educated that happiness comes from outside us, that my happiness is either in another person or somewhere far away in a metaphysical sky.
For centuries, generations of people have been programmed to believe that their happiness comes from outside and that they do not have access to happiness inside.
Today we pay for this lie. We lead our lives, our love relationships according to the belief that my happiness is in the power of others and does not belong to me.
The mechanism is simple.
When you learn that something is wrong with you and that love comes only in the presence of perfection, you learn that you cannot love something wrong.
You feel lonely because you have left yourself. Only when you return to yourself will you become that extraordinary man you dreamed of becoming from childhood. But in order to do that, you have to overcome the demon of fear we talked about above. When fear is in your life, you will choose the warm place from which you will not be able to leave too soon.
Do you feel so alone that you want to "share loneliness with someone"? That's what a replica of those who want a couple relationship sounds like. When you want a relationship because you are tired of loneliness, look in the mirror.
You will feel alone and in a relationship. Because you will find a partner just like you, who can't love himself / herself and who still feels the fear of loneliness. Two loneliness in the same room, do not make a love affair.
As long as you live the emotion of loneliness you will not find a partner who has overcome this fear of loneliness.
As a parenthesis about couple relationships.
There are two types of relationship:
Between two people who can offer love
Between two people who need to receive love
Those who need to receive love are those who do not know how to love themselves. So they need a "transfusion" with daily love from their partner. There are those who have emotional wounds.
There are few who can love, there are those who have gone through the healing period of the soul and I have learned to love themselves, then when their soul has become full of love to offer love to others. These people are the ones you want as partners in the relationship, but they will not come to you until you have reached the same level of evolution (you have healed your emotional wounds).
An emotional wound is like a hole in a bag. No matter how much wheat you pour into that bag, it will never be able to fill. When the wound is healed, the bag is full and you can give to others of your inner riches.
As long as you are hurt, you will ask for attention, love, protection. What's worse is that society has come to change values and when the partner is a beggar of love it seems something to be praised instead of being sent to a psychologist.
Jealousy and fear of losing your partner have come to be considered part of love when in fact it is just a deep emotional wound and an indicator of lack of love.
Lack of unconditional love
Do you know that feeling you feel when you love something or someone? There are people who told me they never felt it.
When I speak of love, I speak of unconditional love. That feeling of love has nothing to do with who a person is, what that person does or does not do.
When you love just because you feel loved, it is not love, but trade. And the greatest murderer can love the person from whom he receives love. But it's not about love, it's about trading feelings. "I give you 1 kg of love, give me as much or even more."
You feel unconditional love when you don't need to receive anything in return. It is that feeling that fills your whole being and is not conditioned by anything.
You don't need that person to be near you, you don't need that person to love you, you don't need that person to respect you or fulfill your desires. Unconditional love is not an act of relationship between people but is an indicator of human evolution.
When I pass by you and greet you with "Hello" it is a relationship action, but the feeling I feel of love is only related to the one who feels that love.
When you don't feel unconditionally loved, something breaks inside you. But our demands are great. There are few people who can love this and that only after they have healed their emotional suffering, their inner wounds.
As long as you still have emotional wounds, all your energy is focused on suffering, you cannot convert it into unconditional love. Love comes when everything is fine in your life. Love is a consequence of your inner balance. You can't start the evolution from love. This love is the last step, never the first.
Whoever says that he feels unconditional love but then suffers, lies and lies to himself.
Lack of love comes with the feeling that you are not important, that you are not accepted. One of our strongest desires is to feel accepted by others. Somehow, that's how we validate ourselves as people.
If you accept me and love me, it means I am valuable. We extract our sense of personal worth from the love we receive from those around us. But that's all until the day we heal our wounds and feel that sense of inner worth and self-esteem.
As long as you don't feel loved, that blocks a lot of other positive emotions and thoughts. For example, you will not trust yourself, you will not have inner motivation, you will not have the courage to go beyond the comfort zone, etc.
I believe that solving self-love is among the most valuable steps in personal evolution.
P.S. I am very curious to know if you are the kind of person who loves or criticizes himself/herself. If you need a method to cure your lack of self-love, write to me to send it to you.
NOTE: ALL photos and gifs are mine
Another great and informative post! You really are something else you know?
I heard once that you can only give what you already have, and I think this fits perfectly in you explanation about self love. I think that the lack of self love is the root to most of the wounds, so that's should always be the goal when we are going through a healing process. Of course many times we have to peel many layers to be able to touch the core issue, but we should never loose this focus.
I thank the Universe every morning to be married to a vibracional therapist. She helps me a lot with my journey of self discovery, and now most of my wounds are better. I learned to love myself because she loves me so much, and I could only love her back if I loved myself first. Kind of a good cycle right?
Thanks so much for sharing!!!
Keep posting and keep shining!
You are truly blessed with an exceptional wife and your connection is in great alignment, therefore it cures and detoxifies :) what needs to come out and vanish in the air.
I do what I can as much as I can. I can do more, but my time and energy are limited. I am making efforts to write because of the pains from the cervical hernia going into my hands. But, I am not complaining. I am here to share, maybe guide, maybe help even, I am ...we are...this is the new paradigm of humanity.
Core issues...yes, some might also call this "going to 0 point"...quantum healing. We use regression, hypnosis, timeline therapy, anchoring, and other stuff in NLP to guide others to heal themselves. I will be posting about this once I am better. For now, I keep my posting somehow general.
I am so glad every time I read your positive comments! And it feels even better when it happens while finishing a day here...so I go to bed grateful that I could bring something to someone's life.
Agree building love with our family is a healing power. Love our kids and spouse make our mind feel calm .
Approximately that was the content of the Bene Gesserit litany against fear from Frank Herbert's Dune. I knew it well, I wrote it on the wall of a friend's room once.
I read it half a lifetime ago, though.
I've just come across your reply now!
Have you read all of them? The Trilogy.
I've also read it when I was younger, many years ago...
I really love this post and i find it very educational and helpful. I also have battled with fear most times of my life and it started to aftect every thing i do because i was led by fear and by that i couldn't concentrate in most of my works especially in school. The fear to fail after examination was the worse of them all until i learnt how to control my fear and not to worry. I really enjoyed reading through your post. Thank you for this wonderful content.
Yes, fear controls us and it freezes the life we should be having and enjoying. Be brave. Stand for your core beliefs! Think that you are amazing and you are able to do astonishing things to improve not only your life but also the life of others...flowers, pets, people, communities.
I am sending you a warm hug and appreciation for reading and opening up!
You're welcome and thanks for sharing you knowledge
Thank you for access that knowledge and may it be easier for you to put it into practice than it was for me or for others! :)
I learnt a lot here and there's a lot to unpack. It's so important to love yourself first so that you can love others. A bit like how they tell you to wear that oxygen mask first before helping others.
That lack of unconditional love is also something lacking for many kids in my country of my generation. Things are improving though.
I know what you're saying. #selflove has nothing to do with being selfish, it is a sine qua non for being able to really manifest love to others.
Once we shift into this new paradigm of love and communion, the conditional stuff and what we are so attached to materially will change. There is a new era ahead for free transactions on different levels...we need to pay no entry to enter into someone's heart or to be there already, in our parents' case.
Thank you for coming by and reading!
@tipu curate? First time I'm trying this
I liked this enough to power up some more before voting. I find it speaks to me.
Thank you, @leprechaun
I appreciate this and my heart feels joy knowing that somehow this text reached to you.