RE: What Would LIfe Be WIthout Duality?

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Relating your idea of duality to my marriage and the way I raised my kids. I think you're right that its possible when someone loves a person, he cannot see the other person's faults that are obvious in everyone's eye. What puzzles me is that I still love the person, but the only thing I remember now are those painful days, which makes me put a wall between us to protect myself. Same thing with the way I raised my sons. I love them too much. During their younger years, I think they never experienced the difficulties we experienced when we were young. The setback is, now that they are grown up, there are times that I feel disrespected as a father in many ways, which makes me distanced myself from them. It appears that in my desire to give them a good life when they were young, I ended up failing to prepare them to face the hard realities of life.



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the bond of love, especially for your offspring, is almost impossible to break. Learning to accept the good and the bad can go a long way. I don't know that children need to experience the difficulties parents experienced but they do need to know there are boundaries and limits on behaviour. It's never an easy job setting them nor maintaining them. There's an instinct there to want to protect the ones you love from hurt of any kind but sometimes we have to refrain from rescuing them and let them work their way through situations.

It's difficult to move past walls once they go up. Tearing them down has to come from both sides and will rarely happen at the same time. That means someone has to take the first step and take the chance of rejection of the effort. I've often found my next challenge is to avoid judgment and recrimination as part of putting the past in the past. It's never easy and it takes two to tango.

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That's where I fall short. I know that that as a parent we should not be over-protective of our children, but it's not easy to put it in practice.

As for my marriage, it started simple but became complicated through the years. I am thinking that perhaps my response to the problem was wrong. I was even owning her mistake and was willing to accept her despite of what she did. But through the years of trying to win her back, everything I received is nothing but rejection. I am still human. After 12 years, my strength to bear pain has reached its limit. Now that we are both getting older, I am seeing some changes, but I feel that I have no more strength to do the things that I once did. I am now thinking that perhaps there are marriages like this. All I can do is to accept it and go on living for the sake of our kids.

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