After two days of full time YouTubing, a wedding, and a few regular classes, my honeymoon phase with YouTube is coming to an end. I’m realizing that it’s not YouTube I need to take seriously, it’s just my overall presentation, and some of the promotional elements, thumbnails, SEO, and editing.

The hard work

It’s always this kind of stuff I back away from. It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I don’t think this stuff is necessary. I don’t listen or watch anything because it’s “high quality”. I care about the content. If I’m interested in something I don’t need to hurry through it in 5 minutes. I can listen slowly while I’m on my commute

But then there’s the issue of how to find stuff. Even I’m guilty of clicking on titles that make me CURIOUS. I’m guilty of checking out things because they have an exciting or funny cover.

I probably have found some of that stuff thanks to SEO as well.

And as much as I don’t want to admit it, we are all fueled by addictions. Hammers get addicted to games, sports fans get addicted to sports, music fans get addicted to music, and content consumers get addicted to content.

It feels wrong and dirty in a way, but perhaps there is a healthier way to look at this. Perhaps addiction is just the uglier side of something that has a positive counterpart.

In any case, it is worth examining this in myself, and acknowledging that it exists in other people.

So for that reason…

I thank the YouTube algorithm!

I do not know if I will really go through with trying to get on the good side of the YouTube algorithm. It is A LOT of work.

But it has helped me to face a part of myself and of society that I haven’t really made amends with.

I always hated the part of us that looks at the sexiest person rather than the most kind and decent one, or the part that goes straight for junk food over healthy food.

I do not think we need to indulge all our cravings but it’s just as unhealthy to pretend they don’t exist. And it’s also not healthy to judge people for experiencing a very human thing.

At some point in self discovery and self love you naturally crave less of the things that are bad for you. You start to become addicted to growing and evolving and making others smile and helping them on the heir path, but when you become more mature, you no longer NEED any of these things, they are just the icing on the cake. Life itself can be the cake and it requires nothing.

But we are not perfect little Buddhas and Jesus’s, not yet anyhow and so it’s good to acknowledge our weak points and love ourselves anyway.

So this whole attempt to “grow on YouTube” has helped me face those parts in myself.

It is helping me imagine much further than I dared to before.

I can easily imagine 1000 regular viewers now. Before I couldn’t even imagine 50. My imagination maxed out at my best days at a hive when I got 20 comments per post. I can imagine people being really moved by my work. I’ve received 2 beautiful thank you’s for what I do this week. It’s not that hard to imagine a few more.

We will hold of on the millions. The number 50,000 scares me and because it scares me, I want to go for it.

That’s how this is right now. I don’t want to be famous but since I am scared of it I start to want it just because I want to overcome that fear.

I see my click-through rate is abysmal so I just put together this thumbnail. I’m not sure if it works but it’s surely a step up from the lazy ones I made before. I don’t want to make it feel fake or formal, but I am sure I’ll find a way to balance

I’m putting more effort into everything now though because for the first time, I see how this game is played and I KNOW it’s do-able. Whether I want it or not, I’m still figuring out but it’s do-able to have 2000 or 5000 regular viewers on YouTube.

That isn’t enough in its own to make a living, but this is a puzzle that I’m piecing together one by one.

I may decide I’m happy at 100 videos and find others things I want to focus on other than numbers. Perhaps I’ll feel very differently when bitcoin reaches $1 million.

I still have a bit of that victim mentality but I’m facing it head on right now. Before long I’ll be in abundance mode. I’m already stepping into it. The most exciting part of this is that I’m finding discipline and patience and acceptance inside of myself that I didn’t know existed.

I really thank YouTube for giving me an opportunity to dig into these things.

And no don’t worry. Hive is my home.

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