Mort the Shit Manager: ''The Demise of Reginald Bulge"
Source: Image by @katharsisdrill
Mort, the Shit Manager is a spin-off fictional series of short stories based loosely on the thoughts of David Mortenson, the tyrannical Kwiksave store manager who features in my auto-biographical series 'The Horrors of Kwiksave'.
Mort the Shit Manager Complete Chronology
- Mort as a Stock Lad -
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Flat Arse' - (March 1974)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Mort's Interview' - (March 1974)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Armchair Club' - (May 1974)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Fresh Cream' - (November 1978)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Demise of Reginald Bulge' - (January 1979)
- Mort as a Manager -
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oxidation' - (July 1979)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Mandy's Curves' - (November 1979)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bribe' - (November 1979)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Agnus' - (December 1979)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Bloody Nose' - (July 1980)
- Mort as a Manager with @slobberchops -
Mort the Shit Manager: 'Oppression Supreme' - (December 1980)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Heat Machine' - (March 1981)
Mort the Shit Manager: 'The Day Off' - (April 1981)
“I should be manager, why am I not manager, why… why…, why…”
Mort was on his knees in the back shop sobbing, tears dribbled down his face, and splattered on the filthy floor that had not been mopped in several decades.
"I have put my life and soul into Kwiksave, obeyed without question every demand that Mr. Bulge has asked of me, inhaled…”, Mort sniveled wretchedly and stopped a little abruptly.
Mark Murk stood over Mort in an unsympathetic stance. He twiddled with his glasses before pulling his red manager’s Kwiksave collar up in a show of dominance, his beaked red nose twitching slightly.
“Well.., yes that’s part of the problem David. We have heard some unsettling rumours about the late Reginald Bulge and his deviant habits”
“We can’t have his stooge continuing where he left off. There’s only.. ahem.., a certain type of Stock Lad who would tolerate this erm.., abuse over several years without saying anything”
Murk knelt down and whispered into Mort's ear. "I think you liked it…"
Mort reddened and stood up. 'They' knew about Bulge’s urges, his obsession with fresh cream, his obsession with Mort's flabby arse, and his continual bouts of flatulence?
"Mr. Murk, I can assure you this is hearsay, there is or was nothing going on between myself and the late Mr. Bulge"
Murk snorted and looked down his glasses at Mort in disdain.
Reginald Bulge, the former Kwiksave manager had collapsed two days ago. Mort had silently cheered inside amid the confusion, staff running about and eventually an ambulance arriving.
It was all in vain and the post-mortem had announced Bulge had died of morbid obesity and abnormally increased heart pressure.
Mort shivered. An hour beforehand, Bulge had been in the mentioned fridge performing his daily routine on Mort.
The stench had been overwhelming and something Mort could not get used to, even after years of inhaling Bulge’s gastric fumes.
“It doesn’t matter David, I am the new manager and you will now obey me. If what you tell me is truly a falsehood you should be concentrating on that Jam pallet, not these fanciful illusions of becoming a store manager”
"Managers need certain qualities and banging your fists on the back-shop floor, whining like a girl, and having the notoriety of a champion fart sniffer doesn't count"
“Get that bucket over there and clean this shit-tip up, and then you can continue with the load. There are only eleven pallets of goods to stack, and there’s a further load tomorrow”
“Now get the fuck on with it. I have a meeting with the Armchair Club”
Murk took off in the direction of the office with a spring in his step leaving a seething Mort swearing under his breath.
That bombastic short-arsed fucking bastard, he would have his day with Murk and one day escort him from Kwiksave with a kick up the arse to boot.
Mort, the Shit Manager is a Serial Shitposting Fiction Story inspired by Torundel the Shitposter by @katharsisdrill, Ren du Lot, the Shit Lawyer by @vcelier and Nordlute, the Shit Sysadmin by @steevc.
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If you found this article so invigorating that you are now a positively googly-eyed, drooling lunatic with dripping saliva or even if you liked it just a bit, then please upvote, comment, rehive, engage me or all of these things.
You have such a way with words. I think your Kwiksave experience scarred you for life.
It did, I took the time to chronologically catalogue this ridiculous series so it makes a little more sense.
Really good shitposting @trumpman take some notes please
Well.. thank ye kindly!
Oh my, what kind of hell was on that job location?
Kwiksave was the supermarket from hell, I know.., I was there!
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this is good :D
It takes a different kind of skill to keep writing these stories like you do.
Do they follow up on each other or nah? Forgive, not really in the mood to read through all of them😂 I'd rather just pick up the story from here on..
Funny shit aside, you do have some great writing skills.
I updated the chronological order, so yes.. by date they kind of follow on. These were getting to be a mess so I had to do it.
Thanks.. a few have said this, but I am unconvinced 😁
Greetings, dear friend. Thank you very much for bringing your literary creations to our community. By the way I wanted to take advantage of this contact to know if we can do something so that Curie supports with votes some of the writings that are presented in our Writing Club spaces, I know that Curie is a great curation project that supports literature, that's why the question.
Hello, I notice many of the articles in your community, are not English or translated. This gives me issues of determining what is good, or otherwise (I am a lazy Englishman who speaks nothing else).
I will have a look every now and again, and if I see anything I deem worthy, will bestow a @curie. I don't give out many these days, due to time constraints.
😅🤣this is great.
I don't know whether to feel sorry for Mort or not. First, he has to put up with a flatulent pervert with a cream obsession 😂 and now he has been denied his chance at the managerial position he so deeply craves. But something tells me he's not really a character who deserves sympathy.
There is some really funny dialogue in this piece slobberchops 👍
Thanks, raj.., I don't know where I am going with this, besides the latest addition of chronologically ordering them. Mort was a bastard as was Dire.., they were both terrible in their own ways. Mort got the short straw and the fiction tales, as he was first.., there are little other reasons for picking on him
I kinda got that impression tbh. I worked for a guy many moons ago (fck it was nearly 20 years ago 😂 showing my age) who was a complete asshat and a wrongun of the highest calibre, a little like 'Bulge'.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this fictionalized reminiscence m8 👍