Tales of the Urban Explorer: The Remote Cottage
“I hope this is worth the walk”...
Too many times we have ended up walking up country lanes mostly made up of shale with divots so deep that driving was impossible unless you wanted no suspension or tyres when finished, only to be rewarded with disappointments.
Was this to be one of those moments? It was already 6.15 pm and we were still in deepest Wales. Those evil dark welsh spirits would soon be materialising and feasting on our English flesh, they can smell we are not of their kin.
We passed a farmer who didn't appear to see us or give a toss. He was filling his tractor full of suspicious-looking brown chocolatey-looking bars. It had to be 9-bars, this was Wales after all.
...'9-Bars are traded in Wales often, I have seen it happen'...
We soldiered onward knowing this remote cottage or house was out there somewhere, protected from the TourBus by the daunting walk, and the fact that the shitheads don’t like to place much effort into finding places.
After a mile or so, the trail dipped downward and had deteriorated so badly that 4x4s would have had problems.
"Is that it?", I asked @anidiotexplores who was lighting up some suspicious substance to puff on.
...'did he do a dodgy deal with that shady-looking drugs farmer while I was looking the other way?'...
It looked like our target and equally sealed. We walked around the edges sniffing for clues and access points.
Nothing and the back was typically overgrown and hadn't seen a human in decades.
It was supposed to open and welcome us in with a verbal entourage after all that effort. What the fuck was going on?
The obvious then dawned like a light bulb cracking. If all else fails, try the thing that is looking you in the face.
We were inside quick as lightning and judging by the outside facade expecting more than what our eyes were seeing.
My first vision was that of Britain's future; a source of heat, a kettle, and a chair. With the recent 54% increase in Gas, nobody can afford to heat their homes anymore.
This is what it’s coming too soon albeit not quite so mucky and dusty.
Pavements were dropping apart in 1970 as well as in current times. Little has changed.
This got me thinking. Is there someone living here and this is the welcome for explorers, trespassers, or unexpected visitors?
Delightful wallpaper and they did use modern gas cookers here once upon a time, stuffed away in a corner.
Can someone tell me what those blue, yellow, and green things are?
Stack the newspapers in the fire and light them, which keeps the dampness at bay and will stop the wallpaper from peeling. That's the theory. Does anyone listen to me?
Some things you see are a little surreal. It’s not always dark in these houses. The highlight shot.
You need to bend a little if you are tall. We used to be shorter in the 1800s.
At the bottom of the stairs, the shitter without any door. Is this another trait of the Welsh?
The house appeared to be split into two sections. This was looking down from the loft in the right-most area.
The roof was quite solid and miraculously holding off the fierce Welsh weather.
In Wales, you place the kettle in the oven to boil your water. They have some strange conventions over there as well as that funny talking.
The other half of ‘The Remote Cottage’, contained equally decent stairs. I wasn’t going to fall to my death here.
A few moments earlier I had heard some excited yells from @anidiotexplores. I figured something more interesting had taken his fancy.
It appeared this was the 'interesting room' and anything not stolen by previous visitors had been shunted up here.
The pram was something from another era. Nobody uses these impractical devices for their babies in our current age.
‘Gallant Adventures’ caught my eye, though @anidiotexplores was more interested in ‘The Black Spot’ and told me later that this book could be valuable as a first edition.
This is why I am so cagey with time capsules. Remote it may be, but the thieves will come if there's anything of value.
I opened up the children’s book and was surprised to see the personal greeting from 1937 written with quill and ink.
All of these are doubtless ancient and belong in a dusty antique store.
Wishing there were a few more rooms such as this in ‘The Remote Cottage’ I left in search of the bathroom.
No toilet in this one, you could always piss in the bath?
Likewise, it's anyone's guess what you might weigh. This could be great if you feel guilty but then can say, 'I did try, and couldn't see my weight'.
On leaving I noticed the 1823 date stamped into the stonework. This was once common practice when the stoneworkers took pride in their work.
It was once a brand new house, but you would likely freeze to death living there in this remote area with all that rain and gales.
FOOTNOTE: I searched for ‘The Remote Cottage’ on google and was surprised to find it. It does have a name and a little history associated with it.
Due to stealable items within I am loathed to spill any beans about it. My facts were gained from its approximate location, something I cannot divulge in public.
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