[WE124]: HAVE I EVER?

In this world of ours, this thing called emotions is something that holds people to ransom at times against their conventional wishes. In as much as we cannot deny the fact that we feel a distinct way towards a particular individual than someone else. Emotions and feelings do not have meanings that are far-fetched but basically one is a subset of the other. That is beyond the scope of this content.

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Have you ever wanted someone so much you’d have done anything for them?

Well, the answer is yes. If not, then I won’t be writing this in the first place. Generally, I have a personality that tends to want to help people no matter how much it may cost me financially or in other areas. My story here may deviate a bit from the topic but I believe it’d be worth it.

Recounting an incident that happened in my early days at the university. I was in my first year and I could remember I and the lady in question met at a tutorial center, you know how freshers do attend as many tutorials as possible as if that is tantamount to a high grade in school? Honestly, she was intelligent and beautiful of course. One other main thing that got me attracted to her was that we were in the same college of engineering. This is because there were always a few ladies in the college historically, so any lady found there is termed highly brilliant and all sorts of other flattery virtues. So, we got talking and kind of bonded over time. She was the first female friend I had in school.

The first weeks on resumption as a fresher excluding lectures or class activities, registrations, medicals, orientations, etc. were what those times entailed. Soon, lectures commenced and a time came when she asked that I put her through some topics she had some difficulties with. And as a nice guy, bring it on, I said. Apart from that, I had a flare for teaching what I know to others with no regard for any rewards. I had done it in the past in secondary school so it was not what I brought up because of my affection for the lady. Well, these teaching sessions went on and on at different times.

However, there came a time when I saw that I was losing focus on myself academically and had to take serious time to develop myself. But this lady in question wanted to hear none of it, in the sense that she insisted I had to have time to take her through some coursework. Honestly, at times, I would say I had not studied an aspect she has sought help. But she insisted still.

It was at this time I did a serious rethink and critique of myself. It seems I was just being used as an (academic) placeholder. What made it even more obvious was the fact that even though we were friends, the relationship was a one-sided one. I was the one who reflected the energy the most while she did haphazardly or none at all. Apart from the teaching, this same thing happened in other aspects of our friendship. I only used academics because it was relatable to perhaps everyone. It dawned on me that this isn’t symbiotic as it should be. Hence, I had to call to quit. The fact that I was open to graduating our relationship to more than a friend-ish one was the funny thing but this was not what I wanted even as friends. I knew this was happening because the two of us were not that mature then.

I did not intend to quit the friendship per se but just for a time to show that I valued myself too much to be used as a placeholder. Then, I restricted her access to me both online and offline. I had to set some timelines as against my ever-available nature previously. Basically, I made myself scarce. I did not do that being idle but worked on myself in terms of school and life generally. I felt as intelligent as I perceived her to be, she should get the message. Fortunately, she did.

Some months into the scarcity of myself, on one of those rare times we had to talk, she asked why I kind of ghosted her. It was here the boiling tales in me were let out. I did that ferociously and sensibly enough to make sure I got my message through and through. In the end, she did get the message. We apologized to each other and promised to turn a new leaf in the image of a symbiotic platonic relationship. For the record, we are still good friends today and our friendship has grown over the years to what we have now.

_{This is my entry for the weekend engagement by @galenkp.}