The Forbidden

Pixabay
" I could never be with someone like him....I think?"...

" your eyes are beautiful and I love staring at them"...

" I think I'm beginning to fall for you"...

It all started with denials, conversations, and attractions and that was all it took for me to fall madly in love with him.

I remember the first day he walked into the classroom, our eyes clashed and even though I wanted to stare into those dark brown eyes forever, I couldn't stand the intensity and just had to look away. I knew there was an electrifying kind of feeling and I know he felt it too because of the smile he sent my way but I knew better than to engage myself in a fruitless journey.

" What's your name?" Not only was he attractive but his voice was attractive as well. I became so giddy all of a sudden and butterflies erupted in my stomach. He only asked for my name but I decided to feel special. Anything he did make me feel special. His gaze, his smile, everything.

"I'm Maria by name," I said with the tiniest voice I could muster and he sent another smile my way. I think I melted down into a puddle of bliss at that moment.

At first, I told myself I was only going to the staff room to ask questions about things I didn't understand in class but I soon came to realize that those were just excuses I made every time I saw him. I didn't want to seem too clingy but at the same time, I always wanted to spend all my time staring at him. I came to realize that I didn't even know his name and approaching him was the most awkward moment of my life. He told me his name was Mr. Mike and I fell in love over again.

I was eager, too eager to quench the thirst of hunger and love. So on that very day, I decided to trail him home. It was all muddy at first, struggling through the shrubs and thick flowers. At a point, I nearly tumbled when my red dress tangled with a thorn and the edge ripped apart. Looking at the whole surrounding, I came to two conclusions- Mr. Mike was a toxic lover of unattractive flowers and his house looked unkept but that didn't even make me love him less. Images of both of us getting married went through my head and I began smiling like a fool. I heard footsteps and the creaking of woods so I ran out of the house not wanting to be caught by anyone.

Several weeks later, I had to go to my aunt's wedding, and on getting there
I realized he was also a guest.

"Hi, Mr. Mike!" I happily said to him. Anytime I was around him, I always had this kind of 100-watt smile. It was a feeling I couldn't ignore even if I tried to.

"Hey, Maria! How are you doing?" He replied with the same enthusiasm as I did and I couldn't have felt so much better. We spoke for a long time and even made some jokes we weren't supposed to as students and teachers but it was so tempting not to.

We walked together outside to receive fresh air. I hadn't even realized how late it was. We looked at the sky which looked like a large field with a blanket of stars stretching into infinity. It was so beautiful and I knew it was midnight already with how the full moon was out and so clear.

"The moon is so beautiful, isn't it?" Those words he said reminded me of Tsuki ga Kirei. The moon is so beautiful as a poetic way of saying I love you. Was that what he meant? I couldn't help but feel joyous that he might love me the way I was head over heels for him.

I never craved attention until I tasted his. He was like a drug, so addicting and I never imagined myself being with someone else than him. Our moment under the moon made me crazily in love. I couldn't live any passing second without imagining his eyes, smile, and laughter.

Well, I had amazing thoughts about Mr. Mike all the time and it broke my heart when I found out he had a girlfriend. It was as if someone drilled a hole through my heart. I felt so shattered and broken and couldn't even express the emotions I was feeling. He should have noticed I like him so much. It felt as if the walls of my bedroom were closing up on me and I'd never felt so down in my entire life.

I knew nothing was bound to happen between us as he was older than I was and he is my teacher for goodness sake but a girl can only hope and dream can't she? I couldn't come over my feelings for Mr. Mike despite the heartbreak I had from finding out he had a girlfriend. So, I decided to only be an admirer from afar.