I Am #AliveAndThriving Today! | #IAmAliveChallenge Hive Daily Journal Entry: Day #53 - Ten Day of No Contact, and an Anniversary that Is No Longer - Lower Puna, Far East Big Island, Hawai'i - Sunday, September 18, 2022

The beginning of these posts was my My Life Just Hit a Brick Wall at High Velocity, on the Cusp of My 50th Birthday: Mid Life Crisis 101 post. I link that post because I want to give my readers some useful context for what I write in these posts.

Warm greetings all! 🙏 💚

There's been no contact between Kaï and I since the 8th, so ten days now. Today, the 18th, was also what would have been our anniversary. This all still feels so fresh and raw, and I gotta admit that I've been struggling a fair bit lately. I so wish I could move on as quickly and easily as she did.

I'm intending to let go of my habit of smoking spliffs (tobacco and ganja mix), as I've expressed in the last two posts. I gotta say it's not going great. It's still with me, though my disgust for it seems to be growing. I want all parts of me on the same page about the need to let it go.

Even though today was Sunday Funday here in Lower Puna, I didn't leave the property again. I've almost not left at all actually. I just don't have the motivation, and I don't want to run into Kaï with her new partner. I haven't done anything on Sunday since she broke up with me more than a month and a half ago. Honestly 'fun' has been the farthest thing from my experience since that time.

During this whole difficult time, Hive has been something of paramount importance for me, providing me a means of expressing all this pain, a sense of regularity and consistency, and a good deal of support at a time when I need it. I really don't know what I would have done without Hive. With so much of my being unexpressed, and not engaged where I presently live, if it weren't for Hive I think I'd go quite insane from sheer boredom.

The plants are the only tie I have here (other than my friend Audrey, and my plant friend Kelly), and the main point of interest in being here. I must learn to nourish myself, because there is little nourishment in my environment. If I don't learn to nourish myself, I feel it would be far too easy to wither here.

Another wave of emotion and tears visited me in the late afternoon. Everything I've lost in such a short time, because I couldn't meet my challenges well. I've got to do better.

I think I'm going to end this now, as I realize the majority of what I wrote is not positive, and that's really not how I want to be. I apologize to all my readers for a quite non-inspiring post. I wish I could handle all this better. I wish you all a sweet night. 🙏 💚

All photos were taken with my Motorola G Power Android Phone.

Thank you all so much who have helped me get to where I am today, and allowing me to share more of the beauty and magic from my life and my world with you, and for your continuous appreciation and support! I am truly deeply grateful! 😁🙏💚

If you'd like to find me on other alternative platforms where I have accounts (I spend most of my time here on Hive), click on this signature image below to go to my LinkTree page.

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Signature image created by @doze, and the dividers made by @thepeakstudio, with all tweaked to their present form by me.

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