Stories to tell.
Today, i began a story. I was quite sure where the tale will follow. Then i stopped writing and when i went back to the story later, it did not have the same appeal that it once had. Is there a name for this sort of affliction?
I have written several stories and began several books that will never see the light of day, just because i can't finish these stories. i lose interest, i lose the thread of the story, i forget the reason why i began the story, and i blame myself when i begin to feel like i haved failed. There must be a reason for this.
I enjoy writing. I always feel excited when a story comes together in my head and more so when i am able to put the words down on word document or google doc (two applications i use constantly). I get hurt when i loose a piece of writing, either by inadvertently deleting the work either through a network glitch, phone error or my hands doing the most. What surprises me is not the fact that i loose interest in a work but i basically trash the work in my head. I mean in my head, these pieces of myself no longer exist.
I think i am my worst critic. I judge my writing before anyone else and i am never truly satisfied with what i have completed. In fact, if i send a work to a journal or magazine and get a rejection, that work goes into a rejection folder. i never go to that folder. My first collection of poems, the poems i first thought to publish are now lost in the rejection folder, never to see the light of day.
What is the essence of a writer who has unfinished works littering his hard drive? I am sure there are those who followed me here, who read my content, who are aware that i have started series that i never finish. The only series i have actually finished is the sin chronicles series which i wrote in what feels like a mellennia ago.
It is true that i write mostly for myself. I also enjoy getting feedback from readers. It is true that writing remains at its heart a means through which i interrogate my life, my emotions, my community, my realtionship with God and people. I am always saying something about these areas of my life no matter the style, medium or genre. Yet, I also want to be a part of the literary community. I want to use my words to help those who need to hear the things i have to say.
To achieve great things, one has to be willing to do the work. One has to sacrifice something. I have never been ambitious about anything, specifically leaving a sense of who i am behind. I have always insisted that i should be forgotten when i am gone from here. Yet, who does not see the wounds in our society, the cruelty, the deliberate enslavement of minds and bodies? Who does not want to be the voice of change?
Poetry is easy for me to write and once in a while, i write a good short story of over 1000 words. Yet i feel the need to write long form, a good novel, a speculative piece of fiction. This is where i find my limits. I do not know what to do and how to go about it, considering my inability to stick to a story until the end.
Maybe one day, i will find a way to write a book from start to finish. Maybe you can help me understand and maybe have some tips on how to successfully beat the issues i have with attention. I suppose there are those who may have dealt with the same issues. If you have been able to write a book successfully, i would love for you to help me get this done. I do have story to tell.