Personal Story with a Soundtrack - Drugs, Books, and Rock&Roll - Chapter Six
Still, there I was a Rock and Roll DJ with a rock and roll lifestyle. And as my fame grew, so did my ego.
Okay Dear Reader I will come clean, I admit, I am...or at least used to be a flirt. An honest flirt, most of the time.
Countless times I told a girl not to expect anything, and it took me quite some blow-ups to understand that even if you tell a girl not to expect anything...they start expecting things.
It must have been because I was never mega popular in school, although connected to the popular crowd. Or maybe just my love for female attention, which made me love my job.
As I slowly became a known name in the region and started playing Friday and later even Saturday nights I had a lot of flirtatious relationships. Now I was not the most decent guy, but I had a rule.... or rather I made up a rule after messing up several times.
The rule was, we can kiss on that first night and even sleep together, but well what is the best way to put it...we wouldn´t do it as they do on the discovery channel. After waking up next to a sort of stranger thinking why did I do this and wanting to leave even if it was my bed, that had become one of the few rules I lived by.
Bad Touch Acoustic Cover
And even if you have rules it seems you can not always do it right. There was this girl that really felt rejected because of it. Still, in most circumstances, it worked pretty well and I had a happy life as long as I did not find myself a wife.
Now you shouldn´t take that wife literally, but more metaphysically and I tried to avoid relationships at that time. My last one, yes the one with the wide-hipped Latina ended slightly messy, but as you could read earlier we remained friends.
What followed were many short affairs and I liked it that way, yes it´s some sort of lonely but sometimes you need affection not love in your life.
Still, the big guy upstairs has this sick sense of humor. He likes to test you once you finally found a way to float through life. And so he did, he send her on my path. He should not have done that, that was not a nice thing to do.
Bo Burnham - From God's Perspective
From the first moment, I laid eyes on her, from that first smile, my carefully built-up defenses were broken. I had been made to fall in love by magic before as some of you might know, but even though she was magical there was no spell in play here. She just was created to fall in love with.
No magic, or maybe just the magic of the divine intervention.
It might be the Sagittarius in me, but if I want something I go for it, and often that means things all of a sudden move really fast. Looking back it feels like days, maybe weeks before her mom dropped her and two suitcases off at my place. In reality, it might have been a couple of months, but you get the picture don´t you Dear Reader?
There she was, I guess I can say, my true first love. At first, she would go out whenever I was working, which was great, but then winter came, and well she did not always want to go out in the cold on her bike. So she started visiting the club less frequently.
Now when the cat´s away the mice will play and there were plenty of mice that would love to play a bit. And I am a sucker for seduction. I managed to keep the damage very limited... for a long time. Still, we broke up that next summer, partially because she had a hard time knowing what type of attention I got, but mainly because she fancied a boy that was courting her.
Guess things did not work out as she had planned, the guy cheated on her and his nephew tried to do things to her that I am not gonna describe here. She could get away and well ended up in my arms again, now only when she came back I realize what I lost.
Nick Cave - Into My Arms
So I made sure to take better care of her, and damn we made a great couple. This was the first time I actually had future plans with someone. The only risk was that we were both flirtatious and I knew something was going on between her and another guy, nothing serious but it gave me that feeling that if she was flirting why wouldn´t I?
I would not because I had never met a girl like her, and even though she was walking a thin line I did too.
But did not cross it....for a while.
Living together saved me from my ego, because I loved the attention a little too much. But knowing I would be coming home to her kept the threshold at a kiss. Of course, the big guy's best mate would find a way, and as soon as the devil starts playing the odds are no longer to my advantage.
My love went on a holiday with her mom and that left our place empty for two weeks. This meant things got dangerous, I had her at home for months and that made sure that my ego was properly caged. Which was mandatory because me being a flirt had lit some fires over the past months....fires that were looking for a bit of oxygen to breathe and that oxygen just arrived with her leaving.
All went well for the first week, until that Saturday night when the devil entered in the shape of a petite blond girl, with huge eyes. She was absolutely not my type as I like a bit more meat on my girl...but this girl knew the art of seduction.
She did things in the booth that I never experienced, things that probably would get this post X-rated if I would go on describing them. By the time the music was over and the lights went on her huge puppy eyes looked up at me. Of course, this little devil made sure there was a strong drink served just before closing time.
Some of my colleagues would love to see me fail as they had some interest themselves in my girlfriend and there were others who respected my flirtatious lifestyle. Hence, when push came to shove nobody asked me what the F. I was doing.
MICKEY DARLING // feed my ego
It was not the first night the petite Lorelei seduced me, but this time she took it to the next level. Which made me feel even worse that next morning.
I woke up next to a girl for the first time this week. I realized this was the wrong girl, I kicked her out...well in a slightly nicer way but only slightly. And used the rest of the day to nurse my hangover but mainly my feeling of failure.
Yes, I am a Douchebag, but an honest douche. I told her what happened the same day she came back. She did not even unpack, she packed another suitcase and left. That F-up broke the last bit of trust, we tried for years, the trust never healed. You might know her from previous stories, she was the one that got away and I wish she wouldn´t have.
It took me years to let her go, maybe I still did not fully. My Ego, and my DJ Lifestyle made sure that the first girl I ever wanted to grow old with would always remain just out of reach.
SOKO :: First Love Never Die
Would I have done it differently now?
I honestly do not know, I don´t think that the one that got away would have come to Spain with me. Start a whole new life, a life that would allow room to pursue my third and last wish.
That chapter will be coming soon, but before I leave you wanting more....I will leave you with this little encore (if you liked Bo´s song earlier you have to check this out).