Providential - A true story you wouldn´t believe - Chapter 38

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(Edited)

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Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.

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Chapter 38

"What did you say, can you repeat that," that whole expression was identical to her mom´s. Her mom that had been dead to me ever since I saw her true face.

It was hours past midnight, I had told her several times that I needed to go, and that we could pick this up tomorrow. I had gotten up at least three times and set back down because she could not leave it for what it was for now.

I don´t remember what button she pushed this time, but it clearly had been the big red one with the yellow warning signs saying "Don´t Touch."


"I could kill you," I repeated while staring into those demonic eyes that started twinkling.

After those words, I choked on my feelings and left her room crying.

The following day she clearly had taken the time to overthink what happened last night. She insisted that I should call in sick. Her plan was not just to have me call in sick for the day, because after she made the doctor's appointment for me she said:

"You have only one way to save this marriage, you are going on sick leave and you will do whatever is needed to fix this." That meant whatever she thought was needed.

"Just tell them that you have a burnout, that it has all become too much for you. That you don´t sleep, feel depressed, and have no energy left," she told me explaining her plan. A plan to push me deeper into the corner I was just trying to crawl out of, but threatening me with a divorce was a very smart move.

My parents divorced when I was five and it had a huge impact, I wanted to do whatever was needed to avoid my boy ending up in that situation. As I would not leave a chronically sick partner I had no choice, although I sometimes did hope she would die because this was not living.

I listened to her anyway, convinced doctors, and got pills, but didn´t get better. It might be because I only took half of the pills I was prescribed. I did not tell anyone, but I was not going to take those anti-depressants, the lorazepam was great as it helped me sleep, and not spend the nights awake worrying about all my responsibilities or our last fight.

That was not everything she had done that morning, she had also informed my two best friends about what had happened last night and the thing I said.

She did not reckon with the fact that they knew me for many years, independent of each other they told me what she did, and asked me why in hell would she involve them and tell them these things. Both recognized me in those words and knew how I was, that to say this I must have been pushed to the edge.

She achieved the exact opposite of what she had planned, instead of isolating me further she found me the first support in years. I think she started to overestimate herself, well maybe not even starting, she did so continuously but many people did not see through her web of lies. Luckily the right people did.

For the next three months I did not go to the office, I rested, repaired stuff, took care of everyone and everything, and had more late-night talks. This time it was without the pressure of getting up early and with the insights, I had gotten.

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Whatever is seen can not be made unseen, and those of you that walked into your parents' bedroom not expecting to see what they did know exactly what I mean. Not sure what is worse by the way, but what I had seen also started to weigh in on my judgment.

For one, how she tried to set people up against me. It was quite easy to do something about that, now that I was aware. especially with her being in her room most of the time. I played my cards wisely and got more involved with the workawayers, just to see if that would change their attitude toward me compared to the ones that helped us out in the past and it did.

Of course, things had to get worse before they got better and although my interaction with the workawayers got better. My interaction with Stephie got worse since I saw that demonic look. It was like when I had seen it in on her mom, something broke. The same happened this time, I could not see her for the girl I thought she was anymore.

I tried, sometimes I could forget for a bit but it did not get better. After that first month at home, I did not feel like being intimate with her. Too much had happened, she had violated me with words in such a way I did not want to be close to her, not until these feelings had settled.

Due to her illness, we already did not share a room, but we were able to find a quiet moment every now and then. Now, only then was left and she could not deal with that. One night she came to my room, got on top, and started kissing me. I did not kiss her back, I asked her to stop, I told her that I really did not want this.

"You are my husband, if I want to kiss you and be intimate with you I can," she replied and put her lips on me again. I pushed her off of me and told her to leave the room. She tried to climb on top again and dominantly made clear that she did not care what I wanted. I was to give her what she deserved from her man.

This was so weird, I felt so small and did not want to get physical. Even after she stopped she kept lying there next to me. Just being in the same room with her now made me sick and I ended up leaving my room and sleeping on the sofa in the living. Where I woke up thinking that it must have been a real bed dream until I opened my eyes.

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8 comments
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Oh wow, she even went that far, really.. So happy for you that you broke the cycle with her eventually.. It's hard with kids involved.. I know the feeling of wanting it to be better.. even against better judgement.. but once you see those demonic eyes, there's no way back. It was the same for me.. I can still remember the moment I saw them very clearly..

!PIMP

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Indeed there is no way back, even if you want to.

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Maybe even better so, because it's clearly not the toxic relationship good for anyone.. Maybe two of these people can feed on the other and still feel ok but only one of them being toxic, it will only ruin things..

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So you are saying I was not toxic enough to make it work 😂 that is a compliment!

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Haha, I guess that's what I was saying :) lol
You're welcome lol

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