Providential - A true story you wouldn´t believe - Chapter 39

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(Edited)

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Do you know that feeling, that you have to do something.....but can´t quite remember what?
This story is just that.
I remember being told to write it but I can´t remember what I was supposed to tell you. What I do know is that everything I am going to tell you really happened, even though it may unbelievable sometimes.

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Chapter 39

That night on the couch was the straw that broke my back and not just a figure of speech. It truly broke me as that couch was not made for sleeping, and I felt violated. I thought that this only happened to girls.


Maybe I was in luck being a guy. as she could not force herself onto me physically, but what just happened was insane. I mean No is No and I made it damn clear, NO doubt about that.

For her, this was probably extra ammo to highlight how I had problems being physical, emotional, and sharing affection. It´s true, I do not get emotional easily. That is true unless it was a sad song or movie. Because then I could cry like a baby.

She knew how to use those things against me, and combine them with the fact that my mom used to worry about me having autistic tendencies.

Personally, I will never deny that, I think I am less emotional and more rational than most people most of the time. On top of that, I have less need for human interaction, I enjoy being alone and I am not a big fan of soft intimacy because stroking my knees and kissing my nipples cause me unpleasant ticklish feelings.

It does not mean I don´t like to be intimate, it just has to be a bit my type of intimate and I don´t need it every other day. Especially when I have a million things to do, I am not able to put that aside and enjoy those moments if my mind goes "and I need to ....and then that, oh and don´t forget to..."

These things combined allowed her to gaslight me into believing that I had something within the autistic spectrum, which would prove that this whole situation was my fault.

Can´t remember how often she pointed out that I just needed to get it proven by a specialist and then we could work on my issue. Years back I had seen one psychologist, the only one in all my life. I was 15 and in high school. I did not like the talk, I felt that it did not help as I was pretty happy with myself at that time, and I decided to not have another.

This time it was different, especially as Stephie combined all these pseudo-facts into a plea that if I wanted to save our marriage I would have to work on my issues.

Her plea also made clear that there was only one day to do that, I needed to talk to someone that could confirm that I truly had Asperger's. She saw it and based on her talks with people (I assume workawayers, her mom, and possibly her sister) everyone saw it. She was convinced it was Asperger's and nothing else, in her mind all signs were clearly visible.

Her pushing me to prove that I was to blame for the bloody mess our relationship had become was her biggest mistake ever. I wonder if she still would have pushed for this if she would have known the outcome of my first intake.

She did have me doubting, I mean I would not have been surprised if I had something within that autistic spectrum. I even got curious, it might explain a lot of things and save my marriage.

I did what she asked I started seeing a psychologist.

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Now how to go about that? I did speak some Spanish, but would it be enough? And which one should I select, my insurance offered several and I had no clue where to start.

Lucky me, I did not have to choose. Stephie was already seeing a psychologist and that one had a partner. This way we could both visit someone in one go, which would save her having to drive down to the city center twice.

Both our psychologists were young ladies, late twenties I guess while we were in our thirties. Mine was a very nice open person that gave me all the time I needed to explain the situation in my limited Spanish vocabulary.

We would do 5 sessions for her to establish the situation and do a proper take-in. Not sure if that is normal, but that is how it went. And in session six we would decide how to go forward.

Driving back after these sessions Stephie asked me what I talked about and I asked her how her session went. While I was telling Diana all about myself, it seemed that she in the room next to me only talked about me.

She was having these sessions to learn how to deal with her illness, but it felt like she was not getting her stuff out. Instead, she seemed to be discussing me and my situation.

I wondered if she was trying to hear out her lady to see what they thought about me, why would she? I would get clarity after the intake and I probably would share that with her, so there was no need to talk about me.

After five sessions I was really curious about what Diana´s conclusion would be. I was sitting in her office filled with anticipation when she started with:
"Sorry, but I think we should not continue."

WTF, was she breaking up with me, she wasn´t even my type. I was here to hear if she thought I was autistic. I had worked my ass off explaining it all in Spanish and this lady told me we should not continue???

"What do you mean? Is there something wrong with me, or is there nothing wrong with me? At least tell me what you think?"

I really was expecting to get labeled today, instead, I got dumped. And the worst thing was she did not give me the slightest clue about me having autistic tendencies.

What she did say is that she could not give me any indication and that I probably needed more sessions to get to the bottom of that, but not with her.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She smiled, "No you did great that is not the issue." She looked doubtful when she continued. "This is just not the right place for you. You need to find a place of your own. She," and nodded towards the wall "was her first."

I did not get it, what had she at the other side of the wall to do with this? I was here for me. And that is what I said.

"We had five sessions, why can´t we continue? I don´t mind that she is there. This way we don´t have to drive twice. Can´t we just continue?"

She looked even more questionable now, it was like she wanted to tell me something but couldn´t.

"It´s really better if you find a new place, one just for you. It´s really important to go alone. Your Spanish is good enough don´t worry."

Stephie exploded when I told her, not when I mentioned that she did not want to continue but when I made clear that I really needed to do it without her.


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8 comments
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damn, you got dumped! :)

!PIMP

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Unbelievable right, I mean I was paying that bitch !LOLZ

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Haha, you didn't get what you paid for, sue the B*tch! :)
Must have hurt your ego, lol...

Wonder what happens next, I can only imagine Stephie's eyes burning when she heard it lol

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