[WE114] If I could do it all over, there is just one thing I would do differently!
If there is really one thing I do not regret for a second it is getting divorced.... Let me just be very open and honest, if you think that life would be better if your partner would die,,,,get out!
Of course you do not reach that stage without going through a very long and painful period.
Everything looks so amazing when you meet, the two of you are totally on the same level. You never met anyone that fitted so well. This must be the one and so the two of you make family plans.
The two, become three and there you have your family. My goodness what an amazing thing that is. Now her health has never been perfect, but after giving birth she had more energy than ever before. Those years feel so far away on that day that she blocks the door as you try to leave the toxic environment the room has become.
You ask her to move, once. She laughs at you. You ask her a second time, she tells you "not before we are done talking." You tell her you are done and ask again to move away so you can go out and get some air.
She just has those big black eyes, and that shadow of a grin. She loves the power she holds when she tells you No again. You will not accept that powerplay and you grab the doorknob and try to open the door. She slams it shut.
"You will need to pass me first," seriously is this how grown-ups play? Fine you are done playing games, You grab her by the shoulders and push her aside, she tries to push back and almost stumbles, that stumble allows you to walk out.
When you come back she says you used violence and mistreated her....and this was just the start of the downward spiral.
Ups & Downs and more downs
Life has ups and downs and so do relationships, they balance out....but when you no longer see the ups. When you work like a dog at the office and at home, when you hardly receive any recognition and spend most of the weekend discussing and arguing about nothing instead of doing fun things with your kid.
A kid that sits downstairs watching tv while knowing that above his head his parents are arguing again. A kid that hardly does any fun stuff with his mom, because with the relionship getting less and less her health does the same or at least that was what she made everyone believe.
So that kid sits ther waiting on his dad, the only person that has time to do fun stuff with him and he needs to keep waiting because mom is claiming dad. Not letting him out of her room till she gets what she wants.
That´s when it happens. that time I left her room wishing she would die. I would never leave a chronically sick partner, but it would be better for all of us.
Wishes do come true
Than a miracle happened, she fell in love with a younger guy. In a couple of weeks all her energy was back while she had been in bed 4/7 days a week for years. Now she has the energy of a young mare, how love can balance chemical imbalances is amazing!
In two or three months she decided to move out, leaving the guy that took care of her for years and starting anew, with a new guy in a new place and making her old guy pay for it. Just like she made her ex pay for her moving in with me twelve years ago.
It took a large part of what I inherited from my favorite grandma, a woman that was more important than me mom. That money, hence my Granny bailed me out of this marriage.
If there is anything I will never regret, it´s that.
Now I have time for my boy, for me, and for life without being manipulated by what probably was a slightly narcissistic personality.