I don't know how to be a sheep

This isn't a topic I talk about often because of the society I've found myself in and how sheep-like a lot of people are. This makes me reserved when the topic of religion comes up because every "religious" person has a prognosis for why I've become so lackadaisical with the "things of the spirit".

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Truth is, I wasn't always like this. Like everyone raised in a Christian home, I've had my fair share of love for the scripture and the " House of God". More than a lot of people would believe actually. I've been deep in the word and daily activities in the church that everyone was sure I could never become so uninterested.

I guess it all started after I got back from my Youth service program last year. I just got tired of it all. For the entire year of my service, I spent it in the home of a pastor and his wife who were "deep in the word" but not so deep in good morals and character.

This couple made me see the scenes behind the pulpit that few get to see. This was nothing about a scandal or infidelity. It was strictly about people who can be extremely nice but will also justify their evil with words from the Bible that don't connect.

It was a tough period for me. I battled depression because I just couldn't wrap my head around a lot of obviously wicked things they did. Then they would wake me up by 5 am for morning prayers and 7 pm for evening prayers.

No doubt, it's wrong to become indifferent about an entire religion just because some people abuse it. But I had other reasons. I felt trapped. It seemed like I always had to be a certain way or act by what people believe to be the interpretation of what the word says. It felt wrong after a while. Many things didn't make sense.

I moved out of the house with the confusing couple and into the home of their family friend. She was great at first but in the long run, she showed off her sheep-likeness in the weirdest of ways. Waking up mid-nights to pray, telling me she's fighting battles, always being so insecure. It didn't feel right.

The thing with me and people with this mentality is, I get scared to make a wring move around them and be considered the devil after their destiny or something.

I control myself so I don't speak too freely and make a joke out of something they hold so dearly. I can be pretty out of control sometimes with my jokes so it's hard when I have to have a lot of self-control amid people I want to be free around.

For a while, I was an overactive believer. I was always at church. 6 out of 7 days of the week I would be found doing something in the church. It was an interesting experience. People in the church are not always the best of humans, unfortunately.

My parents stopped my overactivity. They didn't like the possible outcome of turning into a sheep. They fought against it for me. Today, I appreciate them for it.

While I have nothing against people who are active churchgoers and participants, I always advise personal understanding and the avoidance of pastoral worship. I don't believe pastors are supernatural beings. They are just humans. There's nothing special about them.

I know too much and I've seen a lot. I should be bold enough to say 99% of the pastors people worship are most probably a fraud but that's too bold. I don't want any trouble. However, thread and follow with caution. It's not all rosy.

Thanks for reading.



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if I most say, that's the world we live in today. thanks for sharing

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