I thought about the two topics for the week for a while and I couldn't pick just one so I'll be writing about both of them.

Am I who I want to be?

This question is pretty deep. Too deep for a 23-year-old, I think. But I'll do my best to paint the perfect picture of my perfect life.

I don't think I've ever had that accurate idea of what I really want in life. I mean, while growing up everyone had the dream of becoming something grand and spectacular. I had friends who wanted to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts and the like. As a child, I just wanted to be a Princess.

I envied everyone's dream of wanting to save people and save the world. I really just wanted to look pretty and be taken care of my entire life.

And you couldn't exactly blame me. I'm the last of 8 children, the second girl child. After having a girl and 6 boys, my parents were hopeful so when I came, they named me Karina which in my dialect means "an answered prayer".

My only sister was 14 years old when I was born. I was a pet, to say the least. I had absolutely no reason to lift even my own weight. Of course, my dream would be to live that way for the rest of my life.

Reality set in when I got to my teens and I had to pick a real discipline. Life and the Nigerian educational system landed me in the Communications department. I had no problems with that, I worked my way through it.

I'm currently not practising my profession and neither am I living my life as a Princess at the moment. Although I have managed to place myself in positions where I don't need to perform certain tasks I do not enjoy like doing dishes and laundry, I'm still yet to attain my much anticipated Princess level laziness.

Have I settled?

Absolutely not! Unfortunately, I don't work as hard or as much as most people are supposed to but I make life work one way or the other.

I may not have dreams of retirement because I wish my entire life could be like retirement, but I have goals and ideas. I think I have more ideas than goals. Ideas that I think would make my life a whole lot better than it currently is.

Have I improved based on my experiences over the years?

This is a HELL YES!

Recently, someone asked me if I felt my current path would lead me to the life of my dreams. The thing with that question is there's no correct answer. I have no idea what the future will look like. Yes, there are speculations but we really don't know until we get there.

Last year, right after my compulsory 1-year service to my country, I was scared about what the future would hold for me. I had no idea how or where I would be getting any money from. I had spent an entire year saving $200 and that was my greatest achievement.

I had no jobs in sight so I knew it was only a matter of time before money became a major problem for me. I felt the need to go on permanent dreadlocks or cut my hair and prepare for the worst days and months of my life.

I found Hive again and I've never had a fear or worry about not having enough money to make my hair or not. I think back at that confusing point of my life and I can't help but be grateful for then and now.

I've grown in a matter of months and become a person I can rely on and that's saying a whole lot. It's a big deal to be able to rely on yourself financially. I'm a little slow in the knowledge department but I make things work one way or another.

I believe I've been driven by a complete sense of need. My family loves me but I realize I can't get the Princess treatment from them anymore. I have to create it for myself.

This has been a lot longer than I anticipated. I hope you enjoy reading my little epistle.