What's life without trials?

I hate having trials, but sometimes I feel miserable when I have no real problem to deal with. It's like how my mom calls me and tells me how she feels sad when she's alone with my dad and she has nobody to yell at.

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It's a frustrating feeling. However, my anxiety slips in when I have major problems. I guess you could say it's the best of both worlds. Life has no meaning without trials but it kinda sucks when all you do is move from one trial to another.

Asides from my health issue that I wrote about this morning, I don't think I've had a major trial to deal with. I've just been living from task to task. From one self-inflicted deadline to another and it sometimes feels pretty frustrating.

I spoke to my brother a couple of days ago and he explained to me that I really had no major thing I was looking forward to and I guess it made a lot of sense. Everything causing me the anxiety is self-inflicted so I can adjust it whenever I want.

I had lost sight of things that can make life have some meaning and it made me feel useless. I do stuff every day that is more or less like routines but asides from those, I have nothing more to stress about.

For this reason, I travel when I want and I spend way more than I should.

After my discussion, I decided to put a few plans in motion.

  • I'll be placing myself on a monthly salary of $30 or $40 depending on where I am.
  • Start searching for Product Design roles and applying where I can because I have nothing to lose.
  • Applying to Universities to either run a Masters or an Undergraduate program because what do I have to lose?

I thought about these things and I realised that they will make my heart pump and until I set new targets, at least I'll have something to look forward to.

My life has felt so stagnated for too long and it's about time I get a move on. There's so much life to live and while I'll, unfortunately, be in this country longer than I anticipated, I might as well make the best out of the kind of freedom I have right now.

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Something to really work for will definitely keep your mind sharp and focused. I know how you feel though. An idle mind is not good but a stressed mind is worse if it's causing you health problems. We need to find a balance that lets us know we are safe but not untouchable.