Howling at the Moon

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I have a terrible headache. A pulsating pain courses through the right side of my temple, even with the subtlest movements of my eyelids. As if a tiny unicellular organism made of glass is crawling from my retina to the back of the head. And it is now stuck somewhere in the middle. In my imagination, I can see what this monstrosity could look like; Almost like those million-pound tunnel boring machines, except glistening and more lustrous than it needs to be. Maybe a bong rip would help alleviate things up and nibble away at the pain! But what would soothe down the memories?

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Sleeping in the open in cold nights is more manageable if a warm meat sack is around. So I have adopted a dog, or perhaps it has adopted me. The past few days, Vulua kept me cozy. And now I too have somebody to talk to in this barren, bleak, and tedious part of the town. My mouth never shuts around it, Vulua, I mean. I talk and talk about anything and everything I can remember. From the proper way of sitting in a toilet to where voyager one and two right now could be! It had bothered me the first couple of days of talking to it whence this mute little thing with its wet eyes wasn't even responding. Then I got used to it. Death makes a man grounded, and I am as grounded as an anchor should be to the deep rocky surface of the sea.

Horish babu lives on the other side of the town in his shop. In this little makeshift hut made off countless random clothes, he collects from the deads. Nowadays, he acts too like a ravager, with a dyed beard and all those tiny humanoid bone thingies all around his necklines. Almost like a Red Indian Shaman, perhaps.

I come to him only when I need something. Commodities like drugs, ammunition, and some rice from time to time. It is getting increasingly tougher to walk in the roads adorned with millions of tiny craters in crutches, but what can I do! Horish babu is the only person with resources nowadays. And reaching to him is proving to be no easy feat.

I went out in the evening that day. To avoid encountering any of the sides. In the beginning, I thought they would be the ones to save us, the rebels. And then the situation had worsened to the point as if the most notorious demons of hell had brook lose to massacre anyone they find in their vicinity. Only after losing my right leg by a random IED and the rest of my family, I had realized its just a war of the beasts and monsters. We, the weak and disabled, had no chance at survival. So from then to now, I only go out in the evenings.

সেতি মারা গেসে জানোতো!
She died, you know?

I could hear the subtlest of cracks in his voice.

কে হরিশ চাচা?
Who?

In an inarticulate voice, I asked.

মোল্লার মেয়ের কথা বলতিসি আরকি!
তারা রাইতের বেলা আসিচ্ছিল, ধইরে তুইলে লিয়ে গেল! পঞ্চায়েত কে কথা দেবা সত্তিও এরকম কেবা করি করিত্তে পাইরলো, এ আমি ঠিক বুঝে ঊঠতে পাইরলেম না! আর তারা নাকি এই মাটিরে মুক্তি দেবার ঠিকা লিয়েছে। বেবাকডি সব শুয়ারের বাচ্চারা!

In a mix of revulsion and vile anguish, I had lost my capacity to speak. They had killed her! The single thing that still mattered in these godless land of heathens. And now Hamida too had sailed away from my reach.

রাম রাম! মোল্লার বারিতি জামাই আদর পাইয়ে পাইয়েই মাথাই উটে পরিচ্ছে। কত করে হামিদ সাব কে বইলে বইলে মুকিতে ফেনা তুইলে ফেল্লাম সে আমার কথা শুইনলেন ই না!
আহা, বড় ন্যাওটা আর ভালো মেয়ে ছিলরে হামিদা! যাক, ভগবানের লীলা বোজা বেশ দায়। স্বর্গে গিয়ে শান্তি পাইলেই হবি নে।

It took me a while to contrast in between reality from fantasy for a second. Felt my iris becoming perplexed, and something sour at the very back of the gorge. And it seemed he too had surmised the crushing burden he had unleashed unto me with that single piece of news. Or maybe the tears trickling down gave it away! In any case, the fact of me never getting to see those blue eyes of hers ever again set in pretty quick. Somewhat faster than any of the past deaths I had to endure. It had taken me almost a year to cope with my mum's death. Alternatively, it may have been because of all of them, my family dying at once. Who knows! Can't differentiate anymore!

একটা কুত্তে আসে, লিবে ভূপেন? দোকানের চারপাশে ঘুর ঘুর করে আর খুব চুপচাপ। সাথে লিয়ে যাও বাবা, একটু হলেও মনে শান্তি পাবিক নে!
There's this dog Vupen! Keeps galloping around in search of food and warmth. Would you be kind enough to take it along? Would keep you company at least!

Harish babu gathered all the kindness and sympathy available in the cosmos and, with his words, gave it all to me! Yet the veil of reality that once unfolded couldn't dare dopping even for an inch!

I think right at that moment, I went mad!

Came back with the dog to the heavily shelled roofless house only to find all of my rations to be eaten up by the raccoons! It is fair, I think, after all, I had to survive on their meat too for a long time until I stepped on that old land mine! Now it's their turn to avenge their fallen! Survival of the fittest works in mysterious ways, I reckon!

Vulua is now looking at me, thinner than ever, skin barely hanging on the bones. He has grown unto me quite a lot, and I think I feel some modicum of love towards this ugly dog. A rekindled dying fire somewhere deep inside my heart is trying to illuminate and guide me. Telling me to live perhaps. We ate the last bit of rice a couple of days ago, and there's nothing left. Horish babu fled the country and gave all of what he had the last time I went to the shop. Now, what left are a few bong rips, not even the morphine.

Maybe I will fall asleep before I die. Or I could try to die in my sleep. Has anyone ever od'ed on weed? What better time than now to find out! What better than to let Vulua have something to eat for a few days?



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8 comments
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Why dark Sakib? Or shall I ask is there a difference! Jedi teaching tell me there is no difference between the dark side and the light.

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First, let me apologise for replying this late dada! Ive been having a bowel problem for almost 3 days now. And ive seen that bellyache has a lot to do with my moods. The worse the condition, the darkar my psyche gets:vv Or honestly, scratch all that!XDXD

Im a jedi warrior in training and my master says there is no diffrence between light and darkness.. So who am I to argue with that!! May the force be with you!!

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It's what you choose, Sakib.

It is your choices that makes you who you are...

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Then i choose justice dada! I choose righteousness !!

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Damn, has a very '71-ish feel to it.

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Yeah. Honestly I wanted to avoid that! Wanted to make it a bit dystopian, which it became but not how i wanted it tho! Also most my knowledge about war comes from 71!! So its natural that a massive shadow of our Liberation war should always cloud my mind if i try to write about war!!

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Well this is probably the darkest thing I've read today..

What better than to let Vulua have something to eat for a few days?

This was also scary, hope you're fine?

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Horror movies jamming up my head I guess:vvv

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