Memory Lane: "Why Don't You HATE Them," and Other Toxic Philosophies...

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The simple truth of growing older is that you end up with more of your life having already passed than the time you have yet to pass... and thus, you're perhaps inclined to have more things you recall from the memory files.

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Music is a great "trigger" of memories... a certain sound can have the ability to send us "time traveling."

Earlier today, I was reading an assortment of politically-inclined blogs and articles, and the thing that struck me most about them was the strident tones of hatred and accusation people of different opinions and beliefs seem to have these days.

Maybe it has always been so, and my memory is just short... but I don't think so.

Anyway, a particular song from the early 80's came on a playlist I was listening to, and suddenly my mind was transported back to my college daze in Austin, Texas...

I lived in an apartment caddy-corner and upstairs from four deeply devout Southern Baptist brothers from Waco, Texas, 100 miles up the Interstate.

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Even though they thought me a complete heathen and tried their sincerest to "save" me for the two years or so we lived in the same building, we actually became decent friends. They were about as helpless as young men could possibly be and would probably have been able to actually burn water — had they ever tried to cook — and consequently developed a healthy appreciation for my culinary skills.

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At first, they were a little suspicious because they more or less believed that cooking was "woman's work," but they got over that when I pointed out that many of the world's greatest chefs are men.

Regardless, we essentially had nothing in common, aside from liking to eat, and two of the brothers played golf... and sometimes all of us would go on training runs together in the early morning. Other than that, they were conservative and deeply religious; I was liberal and godless; I drank and listened to music they felt was sinful; they prayed and worshiped Jesus.

The point of this story, though, was my feeling a bit baffled several times by some of my other college friends coming over and wondering out loud "I'm surprised you don't HATE them?!?!"

Why would I?

Although they kept thinking I should become Godly and be saved, their being "who they were" had no bearing on — nor was it a challenge to — who I was, as a person.

That was my 22-year old self speaking, 38 years ago. I'm pretty much still in that frame of mind.

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And then I realized that it's not differing politics, economics, religion or sexuality that distresses me about our modern world, it's people's broad-based vehemence in condemning anyone who thinks, looks, talks or walks differently from them that gets me down.

Why is do so many seem to be so damn threatened by differing perspectives... even if those perspectives will have no impact whatsoever on their lives?

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(Fast forward a few hours)

Subsequently, I fell into one of the many strange rabbit holes of the 3xdubya, this one being watching YouTube clips from a number of people who all had in common that they were (a) all US born citizens, (b) had all lived outside the US for 7 or more years and (c) were now back, living in the US again.

After watching maybe 5-6 clips, some patterns started to emerge. The one that was most significant and pertinent to this post was that these expats all noticed how almost addicted people in the US seem to be to "individualism" and the attendant "rights" they feel they have to assert that individualism on top of anyone else's equally fiercely defended individualism. And in the course of doing so, invariably throwing any kind of collective good or common decency under the bus.

It was funny and even slightly surreal to hear this expressed by US citizens who'd voluntarily returned home after living outside the US... because they were able to vocalize the odd dis-ease I have tried to identify for the 35-odd years I have lived in this country... going back to my college daze and people asking me how come I didn't hate those who weren't in alignment with my worldview.

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And so touchy, at times. I recall working on a "group project" for a computer class and I remember one young woman in our group replying to my (sincere) comment that it was a shame there wasn't better public transportation in Austin (in 1982).

"Wow, that's a communist thing to say! White people don't ride the bus."

She was totally sincere and serious.

In turn, this made me think back to a few years ago, to when we had our small local art gallery and gift store. Over a period of several years, I became good friends with several of our local "characters," one of them an uber-right wing intellectual... and again I faced this thing of "liberal" people not understanding why I didn't "hate" him, while he didn't understand why I could stand to be around "libtards."

Some of these people wouldn't even be in the store together at the same time, purely based on their differing political views.

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We're all just trying to make it through this strange thing called life, and this sensation of constantly having to be on the offensive strikes me as an exhausting waste of time and energy.

I've been trying to poke around in the underlying psychology and keep coming back to a thin common thread: When we go overboard in our attachment to individual rights we also create a dynamic in which it seems like everyone lives in a sort of pervasive fear of having "their way" somehow being taken away or maybe diluted as a result of the mere presence of someone else who subscribes to a different way.

It's really just "entitlement" by a different name...

Thanks for reading, and have a great weekend!

What do YOU think? Are people threatened by differences in opinion? Is there fear involved? Why the unwillingness to simply coexist? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 20210219 17:55 PST

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"individualism" and the attendant "rights" they feel they have to assert that individualism on top of anyone else's equally fiercely defended individualism. And in the course of doing so, invariably throwing any kind of collective good or common decency under the bus.

'Collective good' or 'common decency' only emerges from the sovereignty of 'the self', first.
Any 'top down' mechanism (the opposite of individualism) results in authoritarianism and oppression.

When we go overboard in our attachment to individual rights we also create a dynamic in which it seems like everyone lives in a sort of pervasive fear of having "their way" somehow being taken away or maybe diluted as a result of the mere presence of someone else who subscribes to a different way.

An attachment to the sovereignty of the self is paramount for any healthy society.

Losing that attachment, is inviting group think, mob mentality, and authoritarian control.

It's interesting how people who've never immerse themselves in another culture misconstrue it. ( e.g 'travelers' who've spend two months in Thailand and 'totally get' the culture, and Buddhism 'man'.)

I've seen it written about a million times - about the eastern 'collective mindset' compared to the western one.

It is total - and utter bollocks.

The 'more collective mindset' that very inaccurately describes eastern culture is borne from a strong sense of self.
So strong in fact, that it doesn't need to be discussed - they're far too buy applying themselves to a collective good.
To mistake that for a more 'collectivist mindset' says far more about the ignorance of the writer in understanding the culture, than anything else.
What appears on the surface to the casual observer, is merely an end result , and NOT the foundations on which it's built.
Which is a strong sense of self.
Understanding that difference takes years of immersion in a culture that's seen as 'collectivist'.

Why do you think I prefer living in this part of the world, compared to the 'namby pamby', socialized, entitled , and decadent - mindsets of the west?

'Individualism' in the west is a lie.
They're more akin to worker bee drone's - slavery loving sheep, while bleating 'I'm an individual' with every 'quiet desperation' breath they can muster.

I'll stop ranting now !...lol

Have a great weekend, matey!

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Yer preachin' to the choir, my friend...

Part of what you're saying here is precisely what I have experienced, too... a strong sense of self-identity (personal individuation) seems quite different from the purely conceptual "individualism" that exists in some countries and seem to be practiced by sheeple.

I never actually thought of individualism as "a thing" till I moved to the USA, yet it was my well-established sense of self (not gotten out of a can nor from TV programs) that meant I had no issue with either the Baptist Boys or "Cowgirl" who called me a commie for thinking that a functioning public transit system makes sense.

I have no interest in being a commie, but it baffles me that believing that being mindful of a common good aside from just my own good would make me one... rather, I'd submit that such a mindset constitutes pathological selfishness rather than individualism.

Maybe the semantics are subtle... growing up in Denmark, we were often (even in school) taught about the interconnectivity of "me" and "us." Ironically, there was actually far less group think and mob rule than I have encountered in the US.

You, as well, have a great weekend!

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And then, at the end, we didn't know what was that particular song from the early 80's that triggered those memories, thoughts and post. Hahahaha

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Ask, and ye shall receive:

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Oh cool!! for a moment I thought it could be this one. :)

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There is a common misconception that politics is cooperation, and government monopoly is efficient. Those who reject monopoly are perceived as uncooperative, and the conversation ends there. I can't really speak for anyone else, but I have noticed a few things in my personal experience:

  1. Group projects invariably suck... when they are mandatory.
  2. Voluntary cooperative efforts are everywhere, once you start looking.
  3. Dissent is almost invariably taken as a personal attack.

I don't know how we fix these issues.

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