How I lost my Dad. POB-WOTW #007 Lack of EQUANIMITY.

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Like some of the contest I have read earlier at the pob-wotw #007 by @calumam, equanimity has been described as the state of being mentally and emotionally stable even while one is under high level of tension and strain.

On the other hand, lack of equanimity is a state of being worried, bordered or having excessive care for things, people or a particular situation especially while they don't seem as they are meant to be.

I lost my dad eight years ago. Some times when I think about the fateful day, it occurs to me that his death could have easily been averted.

My father was a caring man. He fathered five girls and one boy, he was never misogynistic, he made sure that all his children gets good education as convenient as possible, even though he had to work harder or borrow money to make things convenient some times .

I could vividly remember some years back, while I was younger and one of my elder sisters was about to put to bed. My father could not even go home from the hospital, he could not sleep either, he prayed over night till the baby was delivered.

I could also remember years back, while I was a child. One evening after eating, I held on to the bone attached to the meat I was given, and was walking around. While I wanted to go outside the sitting room, the door shut right before me, I dropped the bone in shock.

Hearing the sound of the bone on the floor, my father jumped up from his seated position and ran over to me, checking my fingers, he was scared, thinking that the door shut at my fingers. This was the level at which my father cared.

He cares a lot about everything, his family, his job, neighbors, present situations, and so on. Having this character is actually a good thing, but you would agree with me that, everything that has positive effects also has negative effects.

Dad worries about almost everything that doesn't seem right. Over time he developed high blood pressure which later turned to cardiac arrest. He got an hospital card and started to treat himself. Although once in a while he finds it difficult to breath but with his medications, he was able to sustain himself till the unforgettable day he passed away.

31st of October, 2013. I was 17 years old, a secondary school student. When I came back from school that fateful evening, my father was full of live as usual, jesting with mother and people around. I greeted him and went inside. After eating that evening, dad and mum stayed in the sitting room jesting and discussing while I sat outside. I entered around 9:30pm while my parents where about going to sleep, my father told me to ensure all doors are locked. By this time I could still hear his voice loud and clear.

Five minutes later, he rushed out of his room breathing so hard that I could hear him from a distance. He took his car key and asked me to open the gates. By this time I could hardly hear his voice.

Mum was trying to calm him while she looked for his hospital card, but due to the pains he was going through, he wanted to rush down to the hospital, he lost his equanimity completely. I could not drive by then.

       I had earlier told him to teach me how to drive but he didn't, he always said that I was too young, and younger people often get themselves killed by over speeding.

I opened the gate and he drove off speeding through the rough roads leading out of our street. He couldn't move for long before he lost his life, bumping into the potholes on his way to the hospital. It was a sorrowful night, full of agony and distress. No one could sleep on hearing the news.

Years later, I learned about the term cardiopulmonary treatment whereby a cardiac arrest patient is asked to lay on the ground, and someone keeps pushing down on his chest to ensure proper breathing.

Mum wanted to try this while she was calming him, but he did not wait. He probably wouldn't have died that night.

May his soul rest on
Thank you reading through.


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Now, I know you wished a lot of things

You wish dad did not have to think too much

You wish he was calmed that night

You wish he had allowed mum to try the cardiopulmonary treatment for him that night

YOu wish he was not overspeeding while he derived

You wish you knew just how to drive by then

But I am sorry, you could not do any of these things, and you lost a caring soul in the person of your father

May his soul rest in perfect peace. Amen


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In the past I had this habit of worrying about everything and everyone, and certainly, one develops certain conditions or illnesses due to so much stress. Then I learned a little, to balance the things that really should worry me, I recognize that I still have a long way to go but I have made a lot of progress too.

I think psychologically we have a name, I mean this type of people very attentive to everything and protective, as was your father, a good man no doubt for what you mention. But in a respiratory attack, or heart attack, that pain is so immense so unbearable that many times our brain does not process the situation, I understand why he decided to run to his car to go to the hospital. In my case, I can't tolerate a headache or migraine, and sometimes I get very strong ones, my brain only thinks about stopping the pain, no matter how.

I am sorry for the loss of your father, you must be very proud of the good man he was. Thank you for sharing your story.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)


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Thank you very much for your nice words.

I am so proud of him, I take after him in character also, but I am really working on worrying when I have the situation under control.


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Really sad, bro.
Lesson learnt, thank you for the lesson. We really have to pay attention to how seriously we take things and how much we worry. Attaining equanimity or some degree of it should really be strived for.


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@nevies, thanks for seeing a lesson to be learnt from this post. It is important to be happy, when one's peace of mind is intact, it would be difficult for him to be attacked mentally


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Pls accept my condolence. This is really touching. I wished you knew how to drive, mum would have used that medium of CPR to resursitate him to balance. Great post @corporateay


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Thanks brother @daniky. I wish the time could be reversed..

But everything happens for a reason. Now he is resting in the abode of his creator, he has nothing to worry about forever.


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you're welcome brother. Definitely he has nothing to worry about where he is, and time can't be reversed as wished. May God preserve our lives now and ever. Do have a wonderful moment brother @corporateay.


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I'm sorry for your loss, corporateay. Your father sounds like a great man. It is also equanimous of you to have the balance of cherishing the time you had with him as well as the circumstances of his passing.


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@charcoalbuffet, It has been God all through, never know I would move this far without him.

Thanks to my dad's good work's, my school fee is currently been paid by someone I haven't seen since I was given birth to, someone my father has helped while I was unborn.
He heard from overseas that my father pass and volunteer to take responsibility for my education.

My father's God works speaks even years after he has passed.


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This is really sad. Losing your father that way must have been really painful to you and the rest of your family.

It may seem like his death could have been avoided, however I think I understand how hard it must be to stay calm in that kind of situation.

May his soul rest in peace.


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Thanks for your consoling words @blezyn.

To be honest, it was difficult to attain equanimity at first, especially on that fateful night.

But as time passes, we learnt how to live with it


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Really sad to read this. Losing your parents is one of the biggest losses of your life. While it is easy to say that we should be equanimous, it's hard to maintain it when you go through something like this. My heartful condolences and may his soul RIP.


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Really sad to read this. Losing your parents is one of the biggest losses of your life. While it is easy to say that we should be equanimous, it's hard to maintain it when you go through something like this. My heartful condolences and may his soul RIP.


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