Proof of Brain: Life, Death... and Sometimes a Person Just Gets TIRED!
Even though I live in the USA now, I still consider myself Danish, in many ways.
For example, this evening is "Sankt Hans Aften" — generally referred to as "St. John's Eve" among English speakers — which is the day we formally celebrate midsummer in Denmark.
Aside from the tradition of lighting bonfires — which is very old — this is also the time of summer holidays; the time when schools are out and people sit in their gardens and watch the grass grow, have picnics and cookouts, pick strawberries and dig new potatoes, and perhaps play cards with friends over beer or coffee in the evenings.
Community bonfire on the beach; Liseleje, Denmark, June 23, 2015 — photo by me
Non Sequitor... Sort Of...
In other news, maverick programmer, businessman and cryptocurrency promoter John McAfee died in a Spanish prison today, at age 75.
For now, I'm just going to say he "died," because the actual circumstances of his death are a bit up in the air.
Many pundits, however, are insisting that "he wouldn't DO that!" It's not for me to speculate on that, but his death does lead to the next bit here:
Bringing it Back Together
I got to thinking about this being time for summer holidays, and since I spent many summer holidays at my Auntie's house in Denmark, I got to thinking about her and the way she just "died" at age 94 after having declared that she had pretty much accomplished everything she wanted... and that she was tired.
She had a nice lunch with one of my cousins where the above bit of conversation was spoken; he left to head back home and she went for her usual afternoon nap. And simply laid down and died. She was in good health; not depressed... she'd simply had enough of life... but in a good way.
I believe that sometimes people just get tired. Not in a needy "desperate cry for help" sort of way, but just in that bone weary way that goes with the understanding that this is pretty much all there is, and it's increasingly unlikely that the future holds anything other than "more of the same."
Once Upon a Time...
A long time ago — particularly among indigenous peoples — when a person reached a certain stage in life they would simply decide that "it was their time," and so they would walk out into the woods and simply die.
Now, I'm not advocating death or suicide here! I'm more looking at the fact that humanity seems to have become increasingly fanatical about clinging to every second of life, when — in fact — death is simply a natural part of life!
And yet? Now we shame people for thinking thoughts that deviate from aforesaid obsessive clinging to, and prolonging of, our lives. Entire industries are dedicated to prolonging our lives... well beyond the point where we might actually be better off dead!
My auntie's house in Denmark...
We give a lot of lip service to "Quality of Life," but it strikes me that more emphasis is actually placed on quantity of life!
So WHAT if John McAfee — at age 75 — perhaps looked at his life and took stock of the fact that with an imminent extradition to the USA he would likely end up with a life-in-prison sentence and live out his days behind bars in a way that would be the precise opposite of the freedom he personified?
Whether that was actually what happened or not ISN'T my point here, but why shouldn't he have the freedom to choose that way out... IF that's what he wanted?
But that's not the way things work... when you consider such an idea, it virtually makes you a pariah!
Regardless... Godspeed, John! On to the next great adventure!
Meanwhile...
I sit here at age 60 — still McAfee's junior by 15 years — recognizing that I have perhaps 15-20 productive years left, and also recognizing that there will come a time when I can no longer work to take care of myself. Unlike many, there are no "cushy golden years" waiting for me; I expect I shall be working for a living till I simply can't, anymore.
Given that, would I want to at least have the option to voluntarily check out in the knowledge that I have no pension, no retirement, no significant savings and only ongoing work with declining health and capacity to self-sustain ahead? I would not want to be a burden to anyone; life (and people) don't "owe" me anything.
Again, not saying I would act on it... more interested in exploring why so many people seem so squeamish about considering and talking about their own demise...
We talk a lot about "freedom" around here... but let us remember that freedom wears many faces!
Thanks for reading, and have a great remainder of your week!
How about YOU? Do humans place more emphasis on QUANTITY of life than QUALITY of life? Have we become excessively appalled by death? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20210623 23:46 PDT
0283/1526
What a great sharing, @denmarkguy - such beautiful queries and I share a lot of your thoughts around Death: our unnatural enslavement into 'consuming' 'life' and grasping and begging for more of it - rather than our Life-Fully Wholly Inhabiting Self and Life being Expansive and Symbiotic - our place in it being Holy and Right, Clear and Harmonious... I made a podcast (Living Voice Sharing) around the question of Death - Expansion Or Contraction a month or so ago... Here's the link in case you are interested: https://whatartisfor.com/2021/04/10/death-expansion-or-contract/
I'm very glad of this platform Hive, where we can talk openly about such things that seem to be so very dumbed down and censored on mainstream!
Blessings on your Life!
Clare
Thanks Clare! I'll check out your podcast, too.
I'd much rather just have a good and authentic life experience while I am here, rather than going to endless lengths trying to squeeze a few more months out of existence... for what, exactly? My doctor has finally come to accept that I love food and I am not going to spend the rest of my life eating "minimalist scraps" in order to eek out six more months of life... so she leaves that topic alone.
Yes, Hive is a pretty cool community, all in all.
How could the sickness industry profit from that? How dare you...
Ah yes, the sickness industry. I believe it's the 28th Law of Profit: "Keep the patient alive, for as long as they are alive you can PROFIT from them!"
I have long noted that quality of life seems to be far less important than quantity. Was just talking, in a roundabout sort of way, about this in the last couple days.
Which is actually ironic, here in the USA because even though the system advocates quantity of life, this country does not come anywhere close to having the greatest longevity!
Funny that was the first thing that entered my head when I heard he had passed away of suicide. Can't say he wasn't an incredible man of luck and misfortunes it's just the misfortunes finally overwhelmed his desire to see if he had any luck left.
It's a bad spot to be in for sure, weighting your gains up against your losses and the strength(s) needed to move on from there. My sister passed away awhile back and I still want to drop to my knees and cry because basically, if you ask me, she just gave up. Once she learned she had a heart problem she just let it live out to her end. She was the biggest nemesis in my life but in a ironic way I miss that. She captivated and took control of my mom to the point I could never be considered to have done anything right in my life. We spent very little time in life together because she was the youngest of six and the last to come home from foster care. I never got any thanks or gratitude for the many times I had to save her from beatings from my mother. I was the second oldest, I use to have to listen to them howling from the beatings and then I took karate and that part ended. Once she got married that all changed and she was the one who did everything right. Years gone by and her life fell apart I was there buying up the loss like little trophies of her not so perfectness. I cherished each and every item even more so after she got lucky and bought a house, of course as a single mom like me now though she threw it all up in my face, she had a bigger yard, a better neighborhood, etc., it went on and on, just like we could never come to my house ever for the holidays because she considered herself cleaner than me.....well she cleaned houses for a living so maybe she had all the inside tips on the best stuff to clean with on the market....not to mention she had two foster boys she drove like slave masters while her biological girls sat around like Cinderella's. But she truly was like my brother quipped, someone who spent money like Ivana Trump and one day it wouldn't be sustainable for her anymore. Sticking her hands in all those chemicals finally caught up to her and she came down with a debilitating bone disease. Her two sons hated her and ditched out, well, her daughters one basically did the same while the other sat around like her usual Cinderella self. She ended up losing her home, moved to Florida but came back and wanted to stay with me for awhile. Totally unlike her, I should have known something was up. She apologized to me for the things she said and did over the years. Her selfishness with my mom, man, I really should have known something was up. But I don't think it would have really mattered, she was just tired, things were never going to change for her, she so longed for someone to just love her the way she was brought up in foster to care to see what true love was between two loving individuals, she really wanted that but the roadmap to that success was never in the cards the same way coming from a poor home as an abused child having lived in foster care. She had thought she had found that with her first husband having come from a rich family living in the wealthier district of town, they never accepted her, at some point the rationalization sets in that it is what it is. It continued on to be what it was and she just knew her happiness in life again would escape her, she was tired of trying.
Really it was sad because she gave it a run for it's money, she tried so very hard, and as hard as it is for me to admit she did a hell of a job as far as that went. I know she was really hard on those boys, I was often vocally critical of it but standing next to one of them, actually the only one who came to her funeral, weeping like crazy I told him it probably came as a shock I am so broken up and I am not trying to justify the way she treated you but one day you'll realize that having to have lived with her and put up with her is going to be end up making you a better man than the pain of not having lived under such a tyrant because after that you are better equipped to handle life. Everything else in your life is going to pale in comparison and you'll be stronger for it.
I hope you don't mind me telling you all this, it's just it has weighed heavy on me since her death. All those battles to keep them all safe when they were younger, three of them are gone of the six and two are sitting in prison for life and I am still out here running the gauntlet, the one I miss the most is my nemesis, the constant pain in my side whom I could never live up to even in death. She was a hard one for sure but she always got it done, all her kids graduated and one is in college now, she was a terrible person but she accomplished amazing things. Somehow I think we drew off each others weaknesses and strengths but would never admitted it to each other, that's how we kept going but in the end even visiting your strongest strength wasn't enough to overcome the true deficit missing in her life. She just plain wanted out but before she left she wanted me to know she really was proud of me.
I can't express enough that you brought this up. I've wanted to talk about it for a long time but it's something I think someone has to have a understanding of, as you expressed, not many people, as you explained can understand it all.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Indeed, everyone probably has a nemesis, I can agree with you. Especially people with whom you have a difficult relationship are the ones you miss when they are gone. Even during one's lifetime, there are these separations and many a door has closed.
It seems to me that you have already gone through a long period of reflection and have found a way to deal with your family history. It is good to hear such experiences because they put the abstract events around us into perspective and make us aware of the importance of personal relationships.
The theatre out there in the world is often not worth making too much fuss about, in my opinion it is a distraction from what we don't want to let in and therefore we shift our confrontation with ourselves to the outside and fight battles that have little relation to the intimate sphere. Seeing a person as they are and not as they should be is an art.
You have done a good job of illuminating your sister's dark side, which leads me to think that you know your own and are seeking to make your peace. What we recognise about ourselves in terms of shadows is incredibly important so that we don't fall into the error of thinking that we are exceptionally good people, because we are not.
But to conclude that we are bad is too extreme and inappropriate, I think. Looking at life's work like your sister's makes me - again - realise how much people are actually prepared to sacrifice to give their offspring a better life, and such things are all too quickly interpreted as success. Although there are several perspectives on this, as you show. The fact that parents have no claim on how their child's life should be is a painful thing that is difficult to let go of.
Greetings to you.
My sister and I were polar opposites, she could go to the refrigerator and no matter what she had to work with she could return with the best sandwich you ever ate in your life, I on the other hand am surprised my kids even survived my cooking. Basically because she led a more protected life in foster care as I was the second one to come home from foster care in the long line of six kids, my younger brother was first because no one could tolerate him. My mom's mother died when she was young so she never had anyone to instill those mother daughter propensities so she in return didn't know how. Despite my sisters dark side, such as, say, one of her sons didn't wash all the folks clean she'd stand over him and force him to eat spaghetti with his fingers type of darkness, she took them to family vacations all across the country, encouraged them to do fundraisers so they all went to France in an exchange program and as I mentioned secured them a home in a good neighborhood with an excellent school district. She was never one to just hand them anything, they had to earn it. I on the other hand lived my missed childhood through my kids and it's taken them a lot longer to mature as a result of it.
She was guy crazy, always craving the attention of men, I was totally opposite her, I had guy friends versus having a lot of girl friends, but they were friends. In other words I was always like one of the guys. That actually may have hurt my perception of men as they always hung out at my house and I heard a lot of "guy" stuff when it came to their relationships. I wasn't as trusting as she always way. When she met her husband she was a stripper at his family owned strip bar, they've owned that business here for decades but somehow she was never good enough for them. Go figure. She married him she quit stripping, quit smoking, drinking, etc., and they went on to a nice lifestyle, they were the type that had to have everything. When their marriage fell apart she literally, well after she came to grips with it, threw everything out the door, filed for bankruptcy, moved the kids to an apartment complex then slowly rebuilt her life on her own, despite all her little nasty moments, and if you could take them all away, she was an incredible woman for doing what she had managed to do. So when she died it was really hard to balance all that in perspective because of course as I explained I experienced a lot of her nasty moments in life myself. It wasn't just the division she drove between my mom and me but it was costly things like the time my parents got in a bad accident and got a settlement, there was a substantial amount of money paid out to all the people and their relatives who were impacted as a result of those injuries, she talked my mom into letting her sign my name on the papers that I relinquished my share of the settlement so she could have more. You know though there are just some bonds you can't break in this life, as she was sheltered away all her life in foster care I took the blunt of living the longest in an abusive environment and trying to shelter my brothers from my moms abuse which later came back to bite my mom in a series of tragic events that unfolded over the years, I was always the rescuer, not just during the times of protecting my younger siblings but during all those tragic events being called upon because they considered me to be the one with the most common sense and I'd know what to do. That happened that day my parents got in that accident, I had to travel several hours there and was meant at the hospital my doctors and nurses whom my sister told them horror stories of conflict between them and I. They said I could see my step dad but my mom wouldn't come out of it and they were more leery, they led me to my step dad and as soon as I entered the room he immediately started giving me instructions of who I needed to call, what I needed to do because he knew, he knew from years and years of calling me to the scene of whatever happened I'd know how to handle it. It was quite different then how my sister had described it might be. The doctor then took me aside and said we really need your mom to come out of it, she was in pretty bad shape, her best friend died sitting next to her, they couldn't get her to come around, they said they were willing to take a chance to see if I could get her to pull out of it, the only thing they asked was if it didn't work out to walk out and to not mention the death of her friend yet. I walked into the room, standing over her bed I said "mom" and she immediately grabbed onto my arm and wouldn't let go, she started mumbling my step dads name and I told her he was okay, she asked about her friends and I told her they were also. The doctors and nurses were amazed at the response. I didn't get upset my sister told them a bunch of stuff, that was just all stuff she instigated in the first place, it was meaningless basically except to her. Despite the bonds that can't be broken my mom is still like that to this day, she never misses my sister's kids birthdays, or holidays or the one niece of mine who has kids all their birthdays but if you ask her she couldn't even tell you what month my kids were born in. It is what it grew to be but when my mom is feeling alone and neglected I am the first one she comes crying to. Between my mom and me it's like the shoe's on are the wrong foot, I am more a mother to her than she is to me. There was only one thing I'd never tolerate her calling me and crying about and that's the calls she'd get from my brothers, she never wanted to acknowledge the abuse and that was the biggest contentious point between her and me for years. She accused me of never wanting to stick up for her, finally I told her just tell them you are sorry, just admit what you did and I will forever stand behind because that is all that you can do and then and only then will I tell them the same and they need to accept that. She did it, I defend her to this day.
For my sister to have to have lost everything in end and go back to being a middle aged stripper online, well, after everything she had done I can't say I was disappointed, I just walked away with more trophies. But now I look at all those trophies and I reflect upon her life and like I said it's been a difficult balancing act trying to put it all into it's own little perspectives. On one hand you want to admire all her accomplishments without letting all those bad moments mire the moments, if you take those moments out she was one exceptional woman for doing what she did on her own.
Thank you for the heartfelt sharing!
In some ways, your sister sounds a bit like my own mother who eternally seemed determined to fill "her empty spaces inside" with accomplishments, glitz, status and material wealth... even though all that "having" and "superiority posturing" never made her feel better about her life. She more or less "made a career" out of marrying well but somehow it never got her what she actually wanted... and her relentless pursuit of these things created manipulative and abusive fallout for those around her.
Although my mom and I were never all that close, I do miss her now that she has been gone for about a decade. However we might feel about someone, we can't get away from the fact that they had a major role in shaping our lives. In most of my adult life, I found myself quite leery of anyone who came across as having an inflated sense of self... as my dad would say, back when I was a teenager "your mother checks her reflection in every shop window in part to check her appearance, and in part to wave to her imaginary fans!"
After my mother died (chronic liver failure from a lifetime of heavy drinking) I had some frank conversations with her cousin back in Denmark, who also was often her best "sane" friend... and her thumbnail analysis was that my mother always chose money and status even though what she most wanted was to be loved as she was.
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I agree with the view of the post, I even started to develop this view after reading LOTR, where he talks about the fall of Numeriorians to cling to life, and how Aragorn overcame this by living as much as he needed and that's it.
Whenever I approach this topic, many people are against it, even because I think that in general it should not be a matter of age, but a matter of desire, obviously considering psychological treatments and everything else, if after all the process, whatever For any reason, a person no longer wants to be there, he should have access to this right, and I believe that this is even greater when the person is suffering due to a degenerative disease or something like that.
I also believe that we must be prepared for at some point not to be around anymore. It is not exactly a matter of wanting death, but of understanding that it is part of the cycle of life.
About Mcafee, maybe it could have been a plot of him too, considering the options would be limited. We'll see what will result from the tattoo...
Interesting point about LOTR; I believe that what matters is that we have the option to choose our approach to life and longevity... and so "quality" vs. "quantity" and some combination of these that suit us as individuals, rather than feeling enslaved to a cultural more that we "must" always strive to maximize our years.
And you're right, it's not popular with people. But for whom do we actually live? For ourselves, or to please societal standards?
Death is an unpopular topic. How good that you write about it. You speak from the heart of people.
Although our birth predestines us for death, everyone pretends it doesn't exist. People think other people are weak, overwhelmed, unable to face the facts that life is finite. I was talking to a friend about dying or seriously ill people who were visited in hospital by those closest to them and they said to the sick or dying person, "It's going to be okay. Soon you'll be fixed and you'll go home." The unwillingness to put oneself in the perspective of the dying person, the fear of how a sick person might react if one accepts his death or even lets it be known that one expects it, is great. We prefer to fib over this fact with phrases that are more meant to reassure the bystanders than the person who is actually at stake. To develop a real sense of the spiritual mentality of a dying person, to explore or to trust one's senses that this person has the desire to leave, is like a test of courage that we do not dare to pass. People who have not learned to listen to their own needs wait even on their deathbeds for permission from their relatives to leave. If they don't give it, it is difficult to say goodbye to life because you feel that others don't want to let you go. And so, some who are tired still agonise for days, weeks or months until their end. The selfishness of people knows no bounds here either, when those involved cannot bear to deal with death in a friendly way and actually want to banish it from their field of vision as well as their environment.
People like your aunt, who apparently did not need permission, are really worth mentioning because they show us that such a death is also possible. Those who have made peace with themselves will face this final journey with acceptance. "To die in one's sleep" is probably what most of us imagine as a good death. Without having to experience a long period of infirmity beforehand. Unfortunately, the health industry is such that infirmity is often confused with life support and, as you say, quality seems to be of lesser value, as long as you have a few months left.
It is claimed that such things are everyone's personal decision, but I observe the same thing as you, that even bringing up a rather unusual topic of death makes one a strange person. An octogenarian can still be legitimised to talk about it, but at 50 or 60, that's already abnormal. Yet we know that people die every day, regardless of their age.
I once heard the saying: You can expect old people to die, but not demand it.
We cannot keep the intergenerational contract, even if we have our own children, there is no guarantee that they will provide for us in old age. An impossibility in cultures where we know that it is the multigenerational community that has the old and the sick in its midst and accompanies them. As an individual, one hopes for the pension or the insurance sum, but how many people are cheated of this in inflationary times and have been abandoned by their government and circumstances? If you don't have a physical social network consisting of people and not pension funds, that is the life insurance par excellence. My mother provided that insurance by giving birth to six children (which she didn't necessarily choose either). You can assume that at least one or two children will take on the care. Which was the case with us. We children accepted her (strong) will that she never wanted to go to a nursing home. I'm glad she died the way she could before the present time and had a truly magnificent funeral. With a congregation of certainly 200 people who gave her last respects with traditional chants of a truly impressive nature. I have never experienced a more beautiful funeral service and burial.
My own time with her at her deathbed granted me strength and stillness, there were moments of great humour. I knew she was dying and nothing stopped me from doing what I felt I needed to do. I was at her deathbed from morning till night for a whole week, singing to her, massaging her limbs and stopping feeding her because she didn't want it. I treasure that experience.
Greetings to you.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment, and for sharing your experiences!
Although this was many years ago now, when I first came to the USA in 1981 someone told me a bit of a joke:
Q: "What's the main difference between a European and an American?"
A: "The American believes death is OPTIONAL."
Perhaps because I was primarily raised by very old people — my parents were 39 and 43, respectively, when I was born — death was always very "natural" when I was growing up in Denmark... and continued to be so, in the context of my family. But the attitudes of the external world here in the US were baffling... as you pointed out, so many people seem incapable of truly empathizing with the dying or terminally ill person. I expect it is largely because if they actually did so, they would have to pause for just long enough to consider their own mortality... and they would rather forget that it even exists.
My mother was in her late 80s when she passed away, and unfortunately dementia had set in so she was not really aware of who and what was around her anymore. But even so, science doesn't know what happens from the inside to someone afflicted thus... maybe it was very peaceful for her.
HaHa! I must keep this one in mind. LOL. Thank you for the laugh.
Same with me. My mom was 42 when she gave birth to me. I often thought of her being my granny. Death was something natural in the community I grew up. In fact, my mom collected pictures of the deceased. They were photographed with the relatives standing around them. I found this a little strange as a teenager but the older I got the more it became reasonable to me why she was doing it. She died in the age of 86. She stayed clear minded until the end.
Yes, I see it the same way.
Blessings!
Here is one of the pics I found in our family photo-book (my father is on it, standing right next to the coffin):
Wow, thanks for sharing this content. It's quite emotional. The quantity and quality of life is what we all wish/pray for. If life gives you the chance to decide when to give it all up at a good old age, them that's a privilege. I know of some people who died suddenly when the least prepare for it.
My Granny Departed at 82. I remember I went visiting the week before she died, it was the first time I would pass the night at her for about 3 days. She was fine, she made meals all through my stay with her. Though she was hypertensive but at that time of my visit she looked strong and healthy. Only for me to leave and few days after I was called that she had passed while lying down on her couch after a family meeting.
Death is inevitable to all, but preferably we live old and die peacefully.
Indeed, death is an inevitable part of life. I believe it is important that we be at peace with that reality, and enjoy life as much as possible, while we are here.
Sounds like your Granny got to leave in a peaceful manner, and sounds like it was definitely not due to long illness, so in a way that is beautiful, much like the way my auntie died. Sadly, so many elderly (at least here in the US, and also in many parts of Europe) end up in an old folks home where they are aritifially kept alive long past the time they have lost interest in life.
I really liked the light way you approached this subject. This is how it should always be.
Thank you for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed the article.
re your future economy, there is no harm in speculating in a crypto or two of your choice. they might just shoot the moon. maybe no lambo but at least a little comfort when it becomes too difficult to earn a living.
theta would be my first choice
Well, I do try to set a few small investments aside here and there, and maybe they will do something, but much of the time I just end up having to sell again to do things like repair the car or buy food. But we keep plugging away at it!
It's good to see people devoted to what they do and express themselves.
Nice photos and your auntie's got a nice house. Wish i could visit a place like Denmark one day😁
And some day you probably will! It's a nice place to visit... at least during the summer!
I hope that day comes sooner😁😁