Hey, whatsup everybody?
Today is World Nevies's Day! My birthday! And I've been going through all the stuff that has happened on this date in history, I've seen that a lot of important stuff actually did happen but when it comes to true importance, world relevance and swag none of them comes close to the fact that a dude like me was born today. Read on and I'll show you how.
Events That Occurred on this Date in History
All these data are gotten from history.com
Cuba agrees to become a US protectorate.
This one is simple, it was a bitch move. It can't compare to the fact that a cool brother like me was born today. What happened here was, Spain had control over Cuba, Cuba wanted Independence, USA helped them, next thing Cuba is accepting to be a protectorate of USA? Here, look what a protectorate really means:
Bitch move! A move like that doesn't come close to me in importance, world relevance and swag.
George Herbert Walker Bush, 41st President of USA, is born.
Well, he was a president, you know the only person who is told 'fuck you' more than a president is? Another president! That's right, as a president, a lot of fingers are being pointed at you and you're the center of the best criticisms your country can offer, and the best middle fingers too, to say the least. You want to compare a person like that to me? Of course you don't! You're a wise geezer👍
President Reagan challenges Gorbachev to "Tear down this wall"
You see, what was happening was that Germany was divided into West and East Germany by a wall. East Germany was controlled by the Soviets and the Soviets weren't treating the East Germans right. The East Germans were always fleeing to the West. The wall was then built by the Soviets to keep them from fleeing. In 1987 they say Ronald Regan's June 12 speech urging Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the 'wall' was what culminated into the government agreeing to demolish the wall just two years later.
But they got the facts all wrong. The wall dividing East from West Germany wasn't the wall Ronald Regan was talking about. Here is the wall he was talking about:
Vaginal wall is simply that part you penetrate. Everything you feel when you penetrate is the wall
So, you see? It was just a word of encouragement to egg his boy on, it was just a variation of the phrase 'tear that pussy up!' 'beat that pussy up!' Stuff that men say all the time. You see? The kind of boisterous brotherly/manly motivation men give to themselves everytime.
Now, how does a simply speech about tearing some cat up measure up to my importance, world relevance and swag? Dwarfed on arrival!
IV. For the fourth, fifth, and sixth events, I'm going to put them all together because they are about people losing their lives:
Black civil rights leader Medgar Evers is assassinated by a gunman outside his home in Jackson, Mississippi.
Terrorist gunman attacks Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida
As Latin music blared inside Pulse, one of Orlando’s biggest nightclubs on June 12, 2016, a gunman forced his way inside and opened fire on the predominantly gay crowd. In the end, 49 people were dead and dozens more injured, in what was, at the time, the deadliest mass shooting.
Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman murdered
Nicole Brown Simpson, famous football player O.J. Simpson’s ex-wife, and her friend Ron Goldman are brutally stabbed to death outside Nicole’s home in Brentwood, California, in what quickly becomes one of the most highly publicized trials of the century.
You see, all these people died and it is really solemn. It will be disrespectful of me to make any joke or say something demeaning about their deaths. But trust me I'm going to say something funny that wouldn't be disrespectful or demeaning of these deaths in anyway. Now watch me say the something funny:
There, I've said it!
I pulled it off, people! Hahahaha!
Alright, now, solemn as these last events were, without taking anything from them I still go ahead with my claim that my birth has more importance, world relevance and swag. At this point, I guess it's time I explain how important and relevant I am to the world and I really want to do that but I don't like bragging so I'd do that without giving up too much information about who I am. I'll give only a little info, and here it is:
My Birthday June 12 is a public holiday in my country, Nigeria.
And it was made a public holiday only 3 years ago, 2018. Look at the official statement:
The former democracy day was 29th May, the day Nigeria went from being ruled by military juntas to democratic civilian rule in 1999. This new June 12 is the new one and they said it was chosen because on that day in 1993 Nigerians had the freest and fairest election ever, although the election was annulled by a military junta. But that is what they tell you.
Do you know how long Nigerians clamoured for June 12 to be the real democracy day and a public holiday? The governments didn't listen until 2018. I was born in 1998, which means I was 20 years old in 2018. 20 years old I had just became a dangerous young man. Why? I had just come of age and was filled with youthful energy, I had just come to the peak of my manliness, being a new young adult. Would you believe that the government simply changed the date because they wanted to or would you rather believe that they changed it because a new golden young man just got involved?
I'm not going to divulge too much information, I'd leave it for you to figure it out. But let me give a little last hint: I put a call to the government house. That's all I'm going to say. No more,no more. I've given away too much already.
Okay, that's it people! Happy birthday to me!😃 Since it's a Saturday the coming Monday (two days time) would be a work-free day in respect of this public holiday that fell on Saturday. I'm going to enjoy it. Thanks for reading!😃😉