equanimity in a slightly unfair life
Equanimity word chosen by @calumam for this week.
It is difficult to be a fair person, but it is not impossible, it is all about determination and control of knowing how to be fair even if it is not in our favor.
Since I was little I come from really painful situations, but that I manage to cope with and manage the pain, which is exactly what equanimity means, a person who accepts what happens and tries to be emotionally stable, who seeks the right even when all around him. environment is negative and keeps control in adversity without getting carried away by emotions.
At the age of 9 my parents decide to separate and my father wins my custody, something unfair in every way, but I had to accept it, it was difficult, I did not receive love or attention, but I always tried to keep my sanity and respect.
At 17 I got pregnant with my first daughter (I no longer know what concept you will have of me) but nevertheless despite how much was pointed out to me, I raised my daughter (Alexandra) from that age I started working and always looking for something best.
I continued my story without grudges, with a positive mind, it was not easy but I remained emotionally stable.
After this life continued to be a bit hard and unfair, my father created the biggest disappointments in my life, my brother, my only brother, has been my fiercest enemy, as you are reading him, it is not that beautiful story of a older brother, who cares for and loves his younger sister… no that has never happened and will never happen.
But I have never held a grudge against him, nor have I wished him ill, on the contrary I try to be fair, if he is within my means, he is helped with something without him knowing, if I know he is right, I try to be as fair as possible
And for this attitude I have always been criticized, for continuing to love my dad despite so many disappointments and for being fair to my brother even though he has never been fair to me.
I consider myself an equanimous person, in the sense of the definition, of being fair, since life treated me very hard in many aspects, but it did not pay anyone in the same coin.
My Girl Elenita, of whom I spoke in another post, also had a strong history, I suffered violence throughout the pregnancy, I practically lived locked up during the first months, I managed to escape from all that chaos, thanks to a person who decided to help me ... Her father biological never wanted her, he doesn't even know her, but I met a person in a very strange way ...
My husband, who we struck up a great friendship and accepted me with my 2 girls and my past, understanding that it is not how people see it, but how my life story really happened, mistakes and failures, but I continued living being the most positive possible, he loved my daughters from the first day and here he continues, being a great father for them.
I had the opportunity to perhaps take revenge on that person who hurt me so much, the one who locked me up, hit me, insulted me and even tried to do worse things to me, the one who abandoned his little girl, now life has put it on me like many they say on a silver platter, I have the opportunity, yes I want to, to make him pay a sentence of up to 5 years in prison ...
But there is a detail.
He has a family now, he has little ones who depend on him, he has a home where perhaps they don't know about his cruel past, some children who think that his father is an example… What would you do?
I thought about it a lot, but it seemed unfair to those children, damaging their feelings, breaking their beliefs, finding out about the garbage of a man that was their father ... I consider it unfair to them..
I have come to the conclusion that despite everything, we cannot live haunted by hatred and resentment, there are very unfair things in this life.
But we cannot be the same as the others, because we would fall into the same personality, I know you will say that I am stupid, that I am not equanimous but a weak woman for not avenging what was done to me in the past.
But for me being fair implies seeing beyond the main reason, it is true, that he deserves everything that is being offered to me legally, but his children? Those innocent kids deserve it too? They did not ask to come to this world ... It does not seem fair to ruin what they have today, my emotional state was affected at some point, but then everything stabilized and today I am fully happy, my family is beautiful and I have a wonderful husband who is my friend, my confidant, my accomplice, 10 years in which we have lived to the fullest ...
So I decided to be fair with those children, their father changed at some point in his life, it is true that he cannot erase what he did, it is true that it caused a lot of pain, but it is over ... And those children have happiness, so I decided not to save resentment, take everything passively, the lawyers got some arrangements, you must now pay for some things, you will not have any right to know her (totally not that you want to, you know you were never a father) but you must pay some sums that are required for abuse and other types of legal actions, the situation is not the best in this pandemic and I know that his children should eat as well, so he has been allowed little by little to pay his debt so that he does not get hurt or lack food and shelter for those innocent children.
Equanimity, says that they are people who are capable of making correct decisions in the midst of any adversity, also equanimity allows a person to lead a balanced life.
Today I feel my life is stable and balanced, I do not regret anything, I do not attach myself to anything, I accept the circumstances and I try to be as fair as possible when making a decision, taking a balance in everything and comparing the advantages and disadvantages of what happens.
Life is sometimes not fair, but you must try to be a person who carries a positive message, we do not gain anything, living from the past, the balance is in the correct decisions you make, with an open mind and without feelings of revenge.
This is my entry into the word of the week contest, as always, words that lead to vivid reflections.
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Wow. I am glad you finally found peace and happiness in your life. All too often, life proves to be very unfair, and how we choose to deal with the unfairness in a great indicator of our inherent character.
Good luck in the contest.
It is correct, carrying the negative is not a viable option for me.
Although it has been a difficult journey, I did not give up and came to a stable life.
I often try to be supportive of other people, giving positive advice, as long as they allow me.
And the unfair will always be, but nevertheless the best way to be fair for me is not to harm third parties, for everything there is a solution so that things are resolved without harming anyone else.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read.
Amazing
If I did not understand what it meant to be thrown a stone at for always being nice even when the other people are hurting you then maybe I would not have been able to relate to your story
You are right, you do not need to avenge your dad for what he did to you, because that would mean damaging the lives of his new children, which is a repeat of history
This means you made sure what happened to you never happens to another innocent child, and I must say it takes a lot of courage and bravery to pull that out of a broken and bitter heart
I must commend your new partner for accepting you and your past and being such a lovely husband and father to you and your girls
May God bless him
I will never say that you are weak because you are one of the strongest women that life happens to witness on a daily basis
cheers to you
Amen and blessings to you.
At first people could not understand my attitude, but over time they have understood that I do not intend to continue with a past full of bitterness and that I can be an agent of change for the lives of my children that they will see in me, someone that I do not keep rancor, nor did he live with resentments.
Thank you for your words full of sincerity.
I support you for taking this decision. It is a wise one
You are welcome ma'am
Bad people usually justify themselves by saying that they had a hard and bitter childhood, but this should not be the case. You are an example of that, despite so many negative things in your past life, you are a person who tries to do things in a good way and be an example.
That's right, that is exactly what I try every day and it is not that I have not felt frustration, on the contrary, of course I have felt that desire to explode with that person who has hurt me. But then I breathe and try to control my emotions.
I think about many scenarios and make a decision with the greatest possible sanity.
I am glad that you take this in a positive way, many times I have been afraid of what they may think of my past, but then I understand that it was not totally my fault, that although I should have been cautious, I tried to be a good person at all times, but however, perhaps it was not the time for me.
I hope this article serves for those who, as you say, seek to hide in their past and justify their bad attitudes and know that they live much better without keeping negative pasts that delay their emotional growth.
Every day I see him with my brother, I still do not understand what resentment he has towards me, but what I am sure is that he is not entirely happy and although he does not love me, believe me it hurts to think that he still lives bitter and alone, no, He has nothing for sure and when my parents are not there, what will happen to him? I think about it every day ... because if he doesn't accept me, how can I get close to him? ...
It only remains to wait and continue trusting that one day it will change. Thanks for your time and for your good thoughts.
That was an emotional rollercoaster of a read, to put it mildly. It isn't easy to put yourself out there like this using your words so I am impressed and very pleased that the word gave you the opportunity to do that.
I don't really have any grounds to comment on your own decisions, but I'd just say that you have to live inside your own mind 24/7, so whatever you feel is best for you is the most important (it's never black and white though, time opens the doors and closes them).
Thanks to you for creating these types of contests, which motivate you to keep writing, even at a time when you think you are lacking inspiration.
Life is like that, a roller coaster of emotions and what we have left is to accept and solve with a mind ready to be stable.
Greetings.
Wow, I'm impacted here.
It is the second story that I read, in fact it is the third with very strong examples of complicated moments in life. But yours, for everything that happened and grew and won is incredible.
You acted right and in how you decided things. As much as you happened and you were still "loving" them, that is the power of love. Love controls us too. Just like the mother who has a child totally on the wrong side of things, with many serious situations, she will continue to love ... But then I would not say that it would be equanimity, nor in your previous case. It was more love than tranquility itself.
It's just my vision.
Hey @sheila23, I am sorry you had to go through such hardship in life. But I am so glad that it shaped you into a stronger person. Mental peace is very important and it comes with the forgiveness, not revenge. So you did some charity to yourself while deciding not to hurt the ones who hurt you in the past.
Cheers, and keep doing what you are doing. Your family is lucky to have a superwoman like you by their side.
Thank you very much for this comment, the truth is that I believe that everything had to happen to be able to reach what I wanted so much that it was to have a family.
Really strong story @sheila23
You're really worth a lot of admiration if you went through all these and still have equanimity and calmness, but I guess that is what these sort of things do to us.
The experiences of life strengthen us and form that character.
Thank you very much for your comment.