The Horrors of Kwiksave: David Dire

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(Edited)

The Horrors of Kwiksave’ is a candid recollection of my memories working at Kwiksave (the now-defunct discount supermarket chain) as a 'Stock Lad'.

I wasted over FOUR years of my life in this maggot-infested hellhole and still occasionally wake up drenched in sweat after enduring a nightmare in which I am working there still.

Some of the names have been slightly changed simply to save my arse in case anyone takes offence at some of the details regarding my facts or opinions.

Many of the people mentioned are now dead as this happened so long ago, but their siblings are not.

This is the 'HIVE Special Edition' of a multi-part autobiographical story (with a little over-embellishment on some of the details) I posted on STEEM over 2 years ago.

It contains a LOT more detail and content than the original and will fill in many gaps that were missed the first time around.

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Other Articles in this Series:
Chapter One: A Prelude to the Best Job in the Land
Chapter Two: The Job Centre
Chapter Three: The Interview
Chapter Four: Christmas is Coming
Chapter Five: The Changing of the Blades
Chapter Six: The Staff
Chapter Seven: The Auxiliary Staff and The Load
Chapter Eight: The Sugar Maniac
Chapter Nine: The Accusation and "Big Lad"
Chapter Ten: Naggy
Chapter Eleven: Shit & Noise
Chapter Twelve: The Death of Mort
Chapter Thirteen: The Time of Many Managers
Chapter Fourteen: The Calm before the Storm

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‘Some kids are best left to fend for themselves, and others were born to stack shelves’ – Steven Wilson


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Chapter Fifteen: David Dire

...'September 1982'...

'WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE BELOW'

Sometime during August, we were informed that a new manager would be taking permanent control of the Rawtenstall branch of Kwiksave.

On questioning the bearer of this news (which I would guess to be one of the many roaming temporary managers), I was told this one was middle aged and very fair.

Middle-aged was confusing as I had yet to see a manager over 25; they were picked off the streets, given a red overall, and subjected to a basic arsehole test.


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...'I had become accustomed to being yelled at during my Kwiksave tenure, you had to close your ears and pretend to be listening.'...

On graduation, they then became a manager on probation which occasionally resulted in the budding development of a bombastic, narcissist twat such as Mort.

Still, I figured it might be good to have someone new, and by all accounts, this one lived 2 minutes away from the store.

It was little wonder he had his eyes on Rawtenstall as he currently managed the Oldham branch which was a 45-minute journey each way.

Even on a manager’s salary, that was too far to drive for such a shitty piss-arse job.

Further information revealed that as well as this new manager, a new stock lad would also be following him from the same branch.

This was confusing as stock lads were far too poor to drive and I calculated it would take at least THREE buses each way to travel from Oldham.

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...'you don't make daily bus trips such as this when you are a mere Stock Lad'...

Not only that, it would consume 4 hours daily in time, as well as all the unwanted expense.

My mind whirled and I figured the new stock lad must be either retarded or some kind of devoted sycophantic slave to this ‘new manager’.

September arrived with Welder and I being introduced to David Dire and with him the new stock lad, Martin.

My initial memory of Dire was far from ideal. He insisted he be called Mr. Dire; no first names allowed as that was strictly disrespectful.

Stock lads were scum from the deepest depths of the gutter and had to know their place, though we quickly got the idea that Martin appeared slightly less scummy in rank.

He was indeed middle-aged with an enormous potbelly that swayed from side to side when he waddled down the aisles. His skin was deathly white and his eyes bulbous, large, and protruding.


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...'similar in size but little else. I can still picture Dire in my mind all these years later'...

Dire did have a little greasy hair left that was brushed over his balding pate in a feeble attempt to cover it up. The gelled up strands did little to disguise his fast approaching baldness.

He had not seen his toes in years and boasted a bow-legged walk as prominent as the late John Wayne. If you are getting the idea that I did not like Dire, you would be quite correct.

My preconceived ideas of Martin proved to be woefully incorrect as I hit it off with him from day one.

He was a big strapping lad of over 6 feet, a little younger than me with curly dark hair, a middle-eastern kind of look, and an extremely likable personality.

I discovered very quickly that Martin had no kind of secret affiliation or love of Dire, and that he had been persuaded to work so far away with the promise of more money.

How much this was he never revealed but it must have been damn good for all the pain of travel he had to endure daily.


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Martin told me that he and some other stock lads from the Oldham site used to often mimic Dire’s walk while marching behind him in a line.

This was somewhat like ‘One Step Beyond’ by Madness while quickly feigning innocence if Dire happened to stop, look round and notice.

I quickly bonded with Martin. He was into his music especially Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark who I was a fan of, but he introduced me to The Eurythmics and China Crisis.

At this point, I had never heard of The Eurythmics as this was before their massive single which was going to make them a household name. I was intrigued by their sound and at the time the only hit, Love is a Stranger that had failed to make an impact on the UK charts around November 1982.

China Crisis I found quite average and not in the same league as the other bands though he seemed quite obsessed. Speaking of the ‘League’, we both had an insatiable appetite for the Human League who had hit the big time during Christmas 1981 with their ‘Don’t You Want Me’.

I hate that bloody song now, but their album ‘Dare’ especially the non-singles tracks were decent, as was some of their older stuff before the 'dancing girls' joined.

I wish I could say Welder bonded as well with Martin as me but it wasn’t so. It was not that they did not get on, more that Martin considered him more of a witless incompetent without a brain.

Welder did have a brain that operated more at a primal level than us. Thinking about it now, he was far more suited to the role of Stock Lad than either of us.


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To be continued...


Cover Picture is a combination of free sources from here and here, combined and edited with Luminar 4. Any unsourced images are my own.

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20 comments
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Thanks for continuing to make Hive awesome.

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The song "Don't You Want Me" is one that you can't help playing over and over in your head.. till you get nauseous...

Here's another one that got imbedded in my head ... still stick there...

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I remember a Flock of Seagulls and this song too though they had a bigger hit here with 'Waiting for a Photograph of You'. Good memory hehe!!!

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That's some long commute.

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Way too long. I didn't realise just how bad it was until I checked maps.

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(Edited)

And like you said, it didn't seem affordable for someone of Martin's position.

I know there are plenty of people commuting up and down I-15 here in Utah, but those are usually professionals, not some minimum wage stock lads.

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You did meet some characters along the way. Was Martin happy with his commute? Four hours per day to stack shelves seems ridiculous. You have to wonder about how the upper management of Kwiksave operated. They must have been profit-driven so that any store manager had to deliver. Being on the bottom rung means you just have to follow orders.

I'm amazed you stuck it out so long. Mind you, I kept doing a paper round for a fair while despite the low wages.

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Martin did not stick it too long. I can't remember the details on why he left, but the distance must have been a factor. There was nothing else out there during those years, it was a bleak time.

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Desperate times...

Things may be tough for our kids too.

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It is..., this virus thing is making it all the harder. Supermarkets still have work as they are vital, so maybe little has changed?

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How to get from mort to Phil Oakley in just a few paragraphs 😂

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Phil was OK... at the time. I was a music nut during those years and the charts were 100x better than today's bunch of shit.

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😂 I couldn’t agree more ! Tbh music holds little interest time these days

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I an really hate to commute for work. From your story, it reminds me my old time at work that needed me to commute for work itself around 4 hrs a day. An each day I spent an hour each way from home to my work. Great that I can find my way out to that stupid work. Thanks for sharing.

May the good times of the present become golden moments of tomorrow. May God make your life colorful, magnificent and joyful. Have a great time and wishing you and your families a Merry Christmas.

!tan - Please tip @slobberchops /Cheers !WINE

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I have been in a 1 hour commute each way in the past (not at Kwiksave). It's no fun and I will turn down work now if it's too far. Merry Christmas to you @andyjim 😃

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