RE: Diana's Mistake
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As a storyteller you have achieved a primary goal. You held my attention. I wanted to know how this would end. Holding the reader's attention is not easy. However, although you deliver an interesting, even exciting story, you run into some stumbling blocks. These would be easy to remove. If you did that, the story would truly shine.
The first thing is, Diana's concern seems to be more about whether she will be punished than it is about whether Kelvin was killed. Also, when she turns up at Christine's door, Christine asks
Who is chasing after you so late in the night?
There is no way at this point the Christine could logically guess someone is chasing Diana. She might guess Diana is in trouble, but the nature of that trouble could not be known to her at this point.
Little gaps in logical progression erode the flow of your fast-paced, exciting story. Your skills are good enough to detect this structural issue and correct it in your editing. When I write a story, editing takes at least twice as long as the original writing.
You did a good job. Continue writing and polishing your skills. Thank you for posting this story in the Ink Well community.
Yes, you are right about that.
To me, reading it again and again and editing something takes some time too.
And thanks for this feedback, I really would look out for making the perfect expressions while writing.
But what you meant is that I could edit this story and readjust it or it's a guide for when next I write?
Both, if you like. I know I am uneasy when I look back at a story and see how it might have been improved. That's up to you. As a writer, correcting yourself is the best way to learn.
The fact that you can take constructive advice well is a wonderful trait, and bodes well for your development as a writer:)
Yeah sure! I really like people giving me feedback on my work.
I guess I will have to be more careful and put all this feedback and corrections into my next work.
I am really so scared of making a mess out of this one trying to edit it because to be sincere, I still don't get what I should do or what not to do.
Like what to take out of the story and what to add.
Except for @jayna's feedback. That feedback she made was very obvious and I knew I made that mistake, I guess it was intentional but I didn't know it's doesn't really look good for a writer.
Which I will try to correct next time.