Cigarette Story

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(Edited)

The wind is slowing down a bit, but it isn't back to normal. It may be not possible to go back to the old normal. Maybe there wasn't anything normal in the first place. There is only this wind, no chance of raining but the air is so fresh. It's a good time to have a black coffee and look outside through the window. I made a coffee and sat near the window.

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There's no one home, it's always like this. I'm alone. Usually, I don't care about these lonely feelings. Cause I'm always busy with my writing, so there is no time to care about it. These little moments are the ones that put these bad thoughts inside my head. Unless there is no loneliness, work is the antidote for the loneliness. Maybe all my writing is just for escaping from this reality, the reality where I'm no one, totally confused about the future.

I was always fascinated by the process of writing, one could easily create complex fantasies just with a pen and paper. Even when it's cheap to produce, when I mean cheap just about the monetary factor, it will get you at the highest dimensions efficiently than any other mediums.

I could feel a little bit warmness, maybe it's the tea. I needed something more, I placed the cup of coffee near the window and walked towards the drawer. Opened it and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I don't smoke that much often, but I needed one now.

Again came back to the chair and lit the cigarette, left the package and lighter to the floor. I knew that these smokes are gonna make me more depressed, but that's what I wanted. I need more sadness, or I need to make all pain inside me to come out. I knew that something's stuck inside me, I can feel the pain.

Each time I look outside the window, all I was expecting is the rain. The wind is taking those rain clouds away. I exhaled smoke to the outside, I saw them getting a circle shape and vanishing away. Now I'm getting a hint for my depression, maybe it's about her. The woman who always threw away my pack of cigarettes from my pocket.

Last time I saw her was at her wedding. She always talked about our wedding. There is a lot of lies I've talked about it to my friends, but still, I don't have a clear reason why I left her. She had a job at that time, I didn't have one and my stories weren't getting anywhere. I was so thoughtful about it, she deserved a better one than me.

No... No... that isn't it, it's a common cliche dialogue from the movies. The real reason maybe was I was bored with her at that time, I thought I could get a better one than her. One more simple and who doesn't argue with me all the times. It is the fault in my imaginations, I wanted kind of a fancy girl who could only be found in movies and romantic songs. It isn't the reality, this stupidity caused all the problems.

Finger's are feeling little more heat, the cigarette is about to end. I threw it outside and lit another one, I grabbed the coffee, it isn't warm anymore. Those stupid imaginations, it caused all these problems, I think she's having a happy life. Even if our marriage had happened there will always be problems. So it's better that I left her before that.

My Mind arguing with its own beliefs now, each smoke I inhale powering up the one side. Then after a few minutes, everything calmed down, I knew that it's the time to start writing again and then the rain came.



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ഒരു പാട് ചിന്തിച്ചു കൂട്ടേണ്ട

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അത് പിന്നെ ചുമ്മാ പോസ്റ്റ് അടിച്ചു ഇരുന്നപ്പോൾ 😂

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