I am here again, perhaps the only place I find some strings of happiness - with my neighbors in an evening sit out. My neighbors are all from one tribe and I am the only one from a different tribe. It’s been over 5 months since I relocated to this new town. A town with no family, and friends except my neighbors whom by virtue of being a co-tenants, have accepted me as part of the family. It was a long day of self isolation with lots of academic filled activities. The bottle of Hennessy Cognac went round as jolts of gist, laughter and very loud music filled the air, while some danced, others simply nodded their heads in accordance with the rhythm of the song.

Been sitting down and gradually sipping the drink, when the tallest of the girls, a corps member leaving next door walks up to me, flexing her body seductively and perhaps her height, asking what transpired in my room last night. She asked if I had slept with the girl who spent the night in my apartment. She asked if I touched the girl, kissed her or perhaps had sex with her. I barely responded to her questions but blatantly told her that nothing transpired between me and my guest. She visited, we had a gist into the night and that was it. There was nothing about her courtesy that made me want to share anything with her even if something had happened. I also didn’t want to bore her with an epistle about how adults should live the way they wish to without interference from others.

She tells me that she didn’t believe anything I said about not being intimate with my guest. She went on to brag about how irresistible she is and how men find it difficult to turn down her advances. She bragged about how many men she has seduced and how she didn’t let anyone of them slip through her fingers, she further talked about how she makes love to them and how they always come crawling back for more. My other neighbors looked at me with a somewhat itching ear, expectedly waiting for me to reply. But I gave a faint smile and continued drinking. Today ought to be a day when I get unusually excited after long hours of staying all by myself and finally finding something to ease the stress. I should be in my best mood or dancing away, rocking some ladies, but today, is not one of those days. I should be answering these questions in ecstasy, or making the story sound great and exciting just to make everyone laugh. But this is me, disconnected from the entire process, in a different time, wave and space length.

I am not sad but my mind seems to have travelled a thousand miles away. No matter how I try to bring myself back, my mind tells me that there is no point. This is not sadness nor happiness. It is in-between detachment and staying hopeful and sincerely, it can feel good and bad at the same time.

I am here with my body present but mind absent, thinking about the numerous insecurity in the state. I think about the 14 year girl who was hit by a stray bullet and died during a protest, I think about the person who stole in the church, I think about the good favors that had happened to me in the past week, I think about my good friend whom I spoke to and was all healthy few days back but today, critically ill and can’t even pick a call. I think about my friend who just got engaged and is extremely excited about it and I also think about the future and what it holds. I think about life and about death. My mind keeps rambling back and forth and I think about the present, the different faces, gender surrounding me right here and where we’d all be in the next few years. My mind keeps racing until I realized that such much time has passed while I was lost in my thought.

It is amazing how you have a lot locked inside of you but to the world, you are just one of the many happy persons who already have everything figured out.

My neighbor touches me and ask if I still wanted more drink, I chuckled and said “No”. It was time to go, I walked towards the door and opened it, and it was pouring heavily. I just wished I could run into the rain and let it was away my thoughts but then, that would be a crazy thing to do.

Thanks for reading,
Have a splendid day folks.

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