A Famous Sleep!

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I'm addicted to sleeping! Yeah, you read that right! If I were asked to choose between a bazillion bundle of cash and never sleep more than an hour a day for the rest of my life, I would have preferred to sleep! Except nobody's asking! And so I sleep like I'm supposed to! Laugh all you want, but you too are guilty of the same pleasures! If I had done the math right, and I think I did, which makes everyone guilty of the same charges, that if the life expectancy of an average human is 60, and they sleep at least 7 hours a day on average, including the extra days of leap years, they sleep away a good 17 years of their life! For me, it might be pushing 21!

I think if sleep was a religion, I would have been its most devoted follower! Even up to that point where I might have become a fanatic suicide bomber who bombs places that are anti-sleep and collect FDI's from pro sleep revolutionaries! And so, I need, no no, let me rephrase, I wholeheartedly desire a total of eight hours of sleep! And anyone who tries to wake me up too early gets the unfortunate long end of the stick! Which, I think, has befallen my mum's fate the most!

For some reason, nowadays, it feels like my actions have angered the gods of sleep! They have been very, very unkind to me for the last few years! Making me wake up early to attend classes and even amidst covid, I have to wake up at 8 at least thrice a week! Where most nights, I go to sleep at 5 AM when people usually start to wake up!

The other day, I fell asleep in class! While my professor babbled on and about how we can deter crime through environmental design on that tiny zoom window, I started snoring my grades away peacefully resting my head over the keyboard! It would not have been much of a hassle as this was a zoom class. But everything went sideways when I forgot to mute my mic. The prima donna uptight teacher thought it was a great idea to record my snoring, amplify the audio and then play it back, all so that I get embarrassed!

But, what she did not take into her prudence was that I am an avid ambiance ASMR enthusiast! And my own snoring was nothing short of music to my ears! Like everyone else? What, have you ever heard yourself snoring? Within those ten mins of me sleeping, I had managed to turn myself into a meme! I guess in a PR driven world, that too is a way to get viral!

And these days, I have found, or in other words, rediscovered another of my sleep-nemesis! My evil, cruel mum! Who can't stand the fact that her kid likes to sleep over everything else! So what she does is, every morning she plays these old classical Rabindra sangeet on her jukebox from prehistoric ages that still works but sound as if the singers are getting choked while singing!

Sometimes, when that too doesn't work, she just sends my nephews and nieces to rip out weeds from our backyard garden, which unfortunately also is right beside my room! And what those devilish tiny little spawns of Lucifer do is works less, play more. And thinks it would be better to peek through the window of my room, throw rocks at me and ask to play with them! Such disrespect!!

In a desperate final attempt, I had threatened my mum to call the police on her and report manual child labor! About how she makes the kids do her work! And with a crude grin on her face, she had replied with the fact that it would only be child labor if she pays them! She only feeds them candies and sweets, and so my threats have no merits! In the end, I only strengthened the proverb, you reap what you sow! I guess I shouldn't have talked about law and their loopholes that much at dinner, eh!

Was ever idleness like This?
Upon a Bank of Stone
To bask the Centuries away
Nor once look up for Noon?
--Emily Dickinson