Showcase Sunday: Crypto Trading Fundamentals - Part 2!

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(Edited)

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It's Showcase Sunday!

And I thought I would bring out one of my famous Crypto Trading Fundamentals posts!

That's right. I bet you didn't know that I was a legend of trading back in the day? Oh yes, the dread pirate BoomDawg, feared all over the seas of red and green.

There were two parts to this fine tutorial in making it big. The second is the funnier, I think. So without further ado, here it is!!


Crypto Trading Fundamentals: Part 2!

In Part 1 we covered the preparation involved in becoming a successful crypto Trader. In this, Part 2. We will delve into the murky world of exchanges, alt coins and mysterious meetings with hat wearing men in dark and unlikely places.

Again I would re-iterate my warning that following this course of action may irrevokably change the course of your life. One day you may be a King and the next? A coinless fool loitering in taverns offering hand shandies for pennies.

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So, we have our hat, cocked at a rakish angle and have burned 80% of our most precious belongings. We are ready! Let's start with a nice round figure, say 100 dollars.

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1. Choose your exchange.

Most people plump for Poloniex or Bittrex. I myself go for Bittrex as I have never been a fan of 8 bit graphics. If however, this type of thing floats your boat, open an account on The Polo. You had better get a soft cushion for your arse though as you will spend a lot of your time logging in and out and generally just waiting.

2. Choose your first coin.

There is a myth, that to invest in crypto currency you should research each potential coin, find out its real world uses, developments that lie ahead, heck, even read... The whitepaper.

Bahjinas I say to that, utter nonsense. All you need is balls, lots of steaming fat balls. Once you've got balls you dont need anything else.

Choose a coin with a pretty name, one that sings to you. This shall be your first purchase.

3. Place your bid

You think to yourself that you will buy 10 of these coins. MISTAKE! Never show your hand by placing an order for a round number of coins.

Instead place a bid for something with at least 8 decimal places. As you wanted 10 you should place a bid for a quantity of 9.42865127.
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Now the system knows you for a player and your sale will proceed all the more quickly. Try it ;O)

4. Building your portfolio

No honest trader will admit to holding less than five different coins. So go ahead, find four more pretty names to invest in. Names that suggest panache or an element of skullduggery. If you are stuck remember this piece of sage advice from my first coin sensei.

Never buy a coin with a vowel in its abbreviation, that way lies ruin.

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5. Price Watch

Your sales wen't through and you now own 100 dollars worth of several different coins. Download an app that allows you to monitor your portfolio real-time (e.g Blockfolio) and then go about your day as normal. Make sure to check the price every two to three minutes over the coming hours. Observe how your coins lose value. Fight the temptation to weep hot and salty tears of shame and embarassment.

6. Sow the magic beans

Once your portfolio has decreased by at least 50%, log back in to your exchange and double up by buying the same quantity of each coin again at their now vastly discounted price. This is a little known technique called Dollar cost averaging which almost certainly guarantees a sniff of the turkey's shin. Send a text to your ex partner advising them that

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7. Expand your contacts

No-one ever made it to the top without some networking​. Purchase some cheap grain-based liquor and avail yourself to the nearest park. Consume your alcohol with gusto over the coming hours. You will inevitably be approached at some point asking for a little of what you've got. Nod wisely and share your drink, reply only with consonants. You have made contact.

8. Ascending the throne

Now that you have a portfolio there is no need to constantly check it. That is amateurish. Instead when drinking your coarse liquor with your new park associates send random texts to old friends from Facebook that you haven't seen for many years advising them of the fortunes you are gaining. Always end your texts with a trading term. For example London's open, time to shit lemons.

9. Daddy's biscuits

At some point you will awake. There will be people muttering words like intervention and for his own good around you. You may be lying on a clean bed, birds tweeting outside the window. Calmly ask how many years have passed whilst counting your remaining teeth with your tongue. When they tell you, try not to faint.

Check blockfolio. You should now be a millionaire.

It's that easy, why put it off till tomorrow?

Start trading today!



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53 comments
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To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

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Make sure to check the price every two to three minutes over the coming hours. Observe how your coins lose value. Fight the temptation to weep hot and salty tears of shame and embarassment.

Oooo, I can relate far too well with that!

!giphy lol

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(Edited)

Hehe, I think all us buyers and hodlers all feel that pain! Thankfully, it's not like they can get any lower these days! :0D

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  • All you need is balls, lots of steaming fat balls. Once you've got balls you dont need anything else.*

Would all people who identify as female please leave the trading floor.. 😂

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Heh heh, metaphorical balls in some cases!! :0D

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I just watched the England game and the opposition again provided enough steaming balls to ensure I will be surfing the green but mostly red seas for some time, lets ride!

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As long as we can surf them and not sink then we will be laughing!!

It was quite the result eh!!!

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There could be more treasure in the depths though? :O

Kosovo.... Not the best side I've seen but you can only beat what is put in front of you, like yourself when it is a mirror.

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That is one thing that you can beat in front of a mirror yes... WAAAHH! :OD

There could be treasure in the depths but so few come back from down there!

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England can play sports? kekekeke... last time I checked, they turned a sore loss into a beauty pageant HAHAHHA!!!

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@meesterboom, the rabble seems to have arrived on your post. Can you get security please?

YES we can play sports! Not very well but we try!

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The rabble. Lolz!! You're on your own on this one. :0D

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hahahaha @abh12345... keep on keeping on hahahaha :D

or stick to inventing the sports and then let the rest of who can, play them. I think this is an excellent plan! hehehehe

!giphy evil grin

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All you need is balls, lots of steaming fat balls. Once you've got balls you dont need anything else.

Said like a true baller! And yes, 110% agreed! - unless ofcourse they are chocolate salty balls, in which case I think I may feel differently... cue track...hahahahaha!!!

and as for the "pro" angle... or should I say "decimal" - well - you would think this sneaky tactic would be more obvious to the general layman considering pretty much everything on a supermarket shelf is 9.99 or 13.99 or something 99 and look how fast that useless and meaningless crap sells HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!.... you are so gifted me trade mast-er AAARGH!!!

!giphy pirate+argh

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Ah that song, to this very day it cracks me up and makes me think of merry ole times!

Its all bout them decimals. If you need to start counting on your fingers to wonder wether its a goer then you have won! I think :OD

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Yeah, I just did a travel down Southpark memory lane because of that and NO, I won't be sharing ANY of my cheesy poofs! haha!

Crypto decisions for ducks must suck.... #justsaying. LOL - I shall keep quiet now and silently sip on my wine :) CHEERS!

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I go away on holiday for a month and need to come back with balls? Oh, dear! I haven't been gone long enough for that!

All it took is just one look for those hot, salty embarrassments to appear.

!tip

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You mean you didn't come back with balls? What kind of damn holiday was that!?

Lol, I hope you had a good time!!

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Poloniex delisted steem right ? So if we want to trade steem Bittrex is a better option I think.

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Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You published a post every day of the week

You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

You can upvote this notification to help all Steem users. Learn how here!

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What the fuck is your problem with downvote?

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Bid bot usage. Now fuck off

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So what is your problem? How this affect you?Did you suck milk from your father instead from your mother?

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(Edited)

Lol. Loser.

I already explained why you got downvoted. Now at I said before, fuck off

In case you are quite simple. Here it is again.

The downvote you received is to discourage the buying of votes for profit (ROI) from bidbots.

Buying votes hurts you, other authors and the Steem Ecosystem in general.

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I have a bad news for you.As long as bots exist, they will be used(not only by me).And YOU can't do nothing;only the THEAM behind Steem can stop this simply by baning or delete bots account!😉.

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I have even worse news for you. If you pay for votes they will be countered by downvotes and it's as simple as that 😀

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Ya...and even worst for you than that is if I buy a 24$ vote, you have a lot to downvote 😜

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I recommend you do that!! Although it would be a shame for you to lose all that money

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For 24$ is a lot to downvote and I don't think you have so much down power.

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You are absolutely right. I am not the only downvoter though and there are way bigger downvoters than me.

Go ahead, test it out 🤣

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!BEER
for you

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lol..brilliant. Love the hat too!

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