RE: Diana's Mistake
You are viewing a single comment's thread:
The drama of this story really captivated me, @zellypearl. I think you have a natural sense of what makes a great story, and it's exciting to see your writing develop. Keep it up!
You've gotten some great feedback, and I don't want to say too much more since you already have some good ideas to help you. (And I hope you are okay with us providing feedback!) But my addition to the other comments is that there is an awkward shift partway through the story. You were telling the entire story in action and dialog between the two friends. But then the storyteller suddenly becomes a narrator who is talking to the reader, which is quite startling.
I think if you do decide to make some further changes to the story, it would be best to iron that out. Either the narrator needs to speak to the reader from the beginning, or the whole story should be told the way it starts - in action and dialog between the characters.
Don't feel you have to edit this story based on the comments, but you certainly can if you want to. And if you do, look for the instance where Kelvin is called Melvin. :-)
😹😹😹 That last part got me laughing so hard.
I wanted to keep it in action and dialog to the very end.
I don't know how the shift came in that the narrator started speaking to the readers 😹
I guess was carried away and I wanted the readers to have a tip of the iceberg about the whole matter Kelvin or Melvin 😹 had with Diana.
Yes, I really welcome feedback, it helps me work on my mistake and correct them. And I am so thankful that the community members are helping me with it.
That's great that you are open to feedback!